Lack of confidence, Shy with women I find attractive

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if any of you are or have been shy and lack confidence around women you find attractive and have feelings for? I faced being gay a year ago and even though I have always felt shy around women I had crushes on, now I am really struggling with my confidence around women I like.

I am afraid that if I shy and lacking in confidence around women I like, I will never meet anyone. I have not had a gay relationship of any kind yet.

Have any of you been through this and can you relate to it at all?

XXX

Hi Chrisiapp,
I am shy so I can empathize. The older I get the less I care about what people think. I will be myself & those who like me will like me for me. Those who do not, well that's fine too! At some point you just have to try to step outside of your comfort zone if you want to make the first move & meet a woman. Take a deep breath & take the plunge! Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

I can definitely relate.
I am extremely shy in the best of situations and even more so around people I don't know.

Theoretically, you do need to step out of your comfort zone at some point. That's just easier said than done.

Very much so, butterflies and the whole nine yards.

Yup. I am shy around women I'm attracted too. The result in the past has been that I moved at a snail's pace and usually the woman in question met someone else and I missed my chance. Argh!

My shyness has lessened with age. I feel better about myself and that translates to a bit more confidence. The shyness is still there but not so incapacitating as it used to be.

Cathy

Hi Chrisiapp,
Can you look a woman in the eyes? That's the main way lesbians connect without words - look, and hold the glance for longer than people normally would.
Or if a woman notices you looking at her and looking away several times, she'll get the message. If they are interested back, they'll likely make the first move and persist, despite your shyness. In fact, they'll probably see it as a challenge, to get you to the point where you will open up to them and feel comfortable - which you eventually will.
Don't you worry. There are plenty of women looking for someone just like you, who will respond positively to shyness and a lack of attitude. You've just got to give them enough indication that you are open to approaches from women. If all else fails, put a rainbow bracelet on your wrist.

Can we bottle Goanna's wisdom and courage? Good advice. Thank you. :yes:

I relate to this a lot. I'm shy when it comes to meeting new people in general and went meeting potentials I get even more shy. I'm rather socially awkward and quiet and I just don't know what to do :( I wish I had more self-confidence..

yep, i have never had confidence to be honest. Although i've gotten a lot better within the last year. I find it hard talking to girls and would never approach a random girl because i feel like they wouldnt want to talk to me.
But i've started to step outside my comfort zone, and slowly but surely im starting to actually realise that i am worth something and one day i'll find my special someone :)

Don't worry Lostgirl ... it's amazing what ageing can do for confidence, and it tends to build upon itself too, so as you have more life experience and social successes it'll likely develop more. Then, when you eventually hit your 40s you can expect a logarithmic surge. It's the self-fulfilling prophecies we need to avoid. If we internally tell ourselves that something probably won't work out, then it probably won't. We'll end up giving off all sorts of cues that say, "Hey, don't bother giving me the time of day, 'cause I don't even value myself enough to expect you to". But as HLeigh has been finding out, gain requires stepping outside one's comfort zone, and taking risks. You're both worth someone special and I'm sure they'll turn up for you.