Hi, im new. :D, new

hi, where to start? well, im 21 and i live in london.
I'm attracted to girls (from as long as i can remember) and i dont want sex. So that makes me an Asexual Lesbian right? woo. I finally have a place :D

To be honest, i never thought such a thing existed. Like, all everyone seems to talk about is sex. So i've always just put it down to self esteem issues.
I'm scared to get close to girls because i know that sooner or later we will break up because of the 'no sex issue'. So i avoid putting my heart through it.
I just feel like noone understands.

I would love to get to talk to people on here and get to hear your experiences ect.

so yeah, hi :)

Hi HLeigh!

Nice to have you on board! As you can see our numbers on this board are not yet vast.

It does suck how for most people 'no sex' is a dealbreaker in a relationship, when relationships (or at least, ones worth being in) are so much more than that. But what can you do, it's human nature for most people isn't it. I am glad I live in the age of the internet where minorities sch as asexuals can find each other :D

I'm 26, currently live in Glasgow and occassionally pop down to London for work though I've never lived there. Hope to see you round on here, and feel free to PM me if you like.

Welcome!

Hiii HLeigh, welcome! :cake:
Glad you finally found AL! Can definitely relate to the self esteem issues and confusion around that. It is such a big relief to finally find out 'asexual' exists, and fits! Yaaay for people in England/UK! I'm in Hampshire/London, hopefully see you round online/maybe in the South - is anyone going to London's WorldPride in July?!

Hi HLeigh,

On the "no sex as deal breaker" part: Recently I had to have a discussion with a sexual lesbian friend about this topic. She and I started out as friends, and we gradually got to know each other better and felt a special connection, and developed mutual romantic feeling. She is a lesbian that I would describe as "sexually liberated," someone with an obvious sex drive and is not shy about her sexuality. She proposed that we date, but I don't think a lesbian like that would be happy in a romantic relationship with an asexual. Because I care about her very much and want to have a long-term interpersonal relationship (friendship) with her, I honestly discussed sexual incompatibility with her. I don't want to risk losing our friendship even if the dating thing doesn't work out.

She has never heard of the asexual orientation. The discussion followed by lots of confusions and emotional ups-and-downs. She even not want to see me as friend for 2 months, just so she can get over her physical attraction for me. Anyway, we are finally back to be friends again. "No sex as deal breaker" is unfortunate, but I'm glad I get to keep a special friendship for the long term because my honesty.

Just want to share my experience to hopefully bring some positiveness to the unfortunate "deal breaker" topic :)

Wow! Lots of newbies! I haven't been around much and I'm glad to see the new people!

The 'no sex' policy is difficult but I certainly understand it. There are some asexuals who go into sexual relationships 'coz it doesn't matter one way or another. It's sorta' like "sure, I'll do it with you but you have to understand this is for you, not for me". If they want to compromise like that, it's super that they can.

Hey HLeigh,

Hooray indeed for more UK people! I'm in Reading, but moving to London in a few months.

It's good to hear others' experiences. I'd like to add a recent positive experience, which might give you some hope....

I was recently living in India and met a girl who I clicked with. She was lesbian, and, like CoralSea's friend, was pretty highly 'sexual'. When she showed interest in me I told her about my asexuality, expecting her to lose interest completely. However, to my surprise, she told me that sex wasn't that important to her and that she was still very interested in me. We ended up seeing eachother for a couple of months (then I had to leave the country). We weren't compatible sexually, but she was very understanding and didn't push me. Our relationship did end up getting more physical than i'd expected - but, again, she didn't push me at all, and she told me that she just loved the kissing and cuddling. I'm not sure if it would have worked out in the long-run because the lack of 'real sex' might have bothered her after a while, but I hope that gives you some hope that there really are some understanding people out there.

Hope to see you around more!

HI HLeigh -

I did something similar. Since I've never been sexual, I beat up on myself about that some (more when I was younger) rather than realize I might be able to find others like me on the 'net.

I also didn't date in high school (I had crushes on my straight girlfriend and on her boyfriends :rolleyes: ) I've been afraid to pursue dating relationships because I really don't get the body language and such that goes into foreplay and two people deciding and communicating they want to be sexual together.

That, and I didn't really want to kiss (ick) and wasn't all that interested in sex.

I hope you're finding answers here. It is nice to find a place to talk to other women who identify as lesbian. :cake:

JennyO