Give Me Strength
Julian’s mind raced with thoughts of his beloved Eve, she was now free, free to be with him. Finding out Chad was their son had been very difficult, but they would get through it. She had also just told T.C. the entire truth and soon enough they would be divorced. Julian stood in his walk in closet, choosing which suit would be appropriate for an evening out with his darling Eve. He was taking her out on a romantic cruise, the perfect opportunity for him to do something he had waited so long to do, to make a commitment to her. Julian studied the white gold promise ring in the velvety box, how it sparkled in the low lights. He couldn’t ask her to marry him just yet, as they both had to get their divorces out of the way, but he could at least make her a promise to commit to her until he could put a wedding ring on her finger, something he had dreamed about for decades. He searched through his dress shirts, coming upon a burgundy one to go with his black dress pants. He slipped it on, and did each button up and when he looked in the mirror, he looked, laughing to himself, the shirt completely uneven, too excited to even dress himself properly. When he slipped the silk tie around his neck, he took a deep breath as he tied it up, adding his cufflinks and putting on his black suit jacket.
“Eve, my beautiful darling, I want this to be a night for you to remember.” He said, looking at the ring one more time before placing it in his pocket.
As Eve dressed, she slipped on her fitted black dress, one of her very favorites, her heart beating a mile a minute, knowing they had quite a lot to talk about that evening. Julian had stepped out to give her a few minutes to herself and let her get dressed and pamper herself. When he opened the door once again, he looked at Eve, mesmerized by her beauty, knowing he was the luckiest man in the world to be in her life and love her through all of eternity.
“Eve, I think if we are going to make this dinner cruise, we should get going and I must say you look so beautiful.”
“Thank you Julian.” She said softly.
He studied her expression for a few minutes. Was he seeing things or did she have some sadness in her eyes? He thought maybe if she did, perhaps she has just been overcome by everything that had happened in recent events. As he drove along, Eve seemed to be in a trance as she gazed at the scenery outside.
“Darling, are you okay?” he said, touching her hand.
When they arrived on the cruise, Julian ordered them some drinks and she thanked him as he handed her a glass of white wine.
“Eve, this is such a beautiful night, I love these evening cruises, look at the sun as it sets, the sky such a pretty red and you my love, how stunning you look.” He said, putting his arm around her as they leaned against the railing.
“You look very handsome tonight Julian.” She said, placing her hand along the back of his hair, closing her eyes for one moment as she felt it between her fingers.
Julian was a bit older as they both were, his features had matured including his hair which had turned a wonderful shade of gray, traces of the Julian of days long ago were still there, his eyes, such a lovely hazel color still told the stories of what he was inside and his smile, seeing that smile made her remember the days of the Blue Note. When his soft mouth met with hers, Julian loved the kiss, he loved every kiss he could share with Eve, his dream woman. They finished their drinks and had their dinner. Julian liked to treat Eve like a queen; he would do anything for her, anything. As they walked along the boardwalk, Julian took her hand, squeezing it tightly, smiling to himself, waiting for his opportunity. When she leaned against the side, Julian came behind her and wrapped his arms around her holding her very close to him, his mouth finding it’s way to her neck as the slight breeze pushed her tresses away.
“You’re breathtaking, I love you Eve.”
“I love you too Julian.”
“Look at the sky, I think every star in the entire galaxy must be out tonight, what a perfect night.”
As he placed soft sweet kisses, upon her neck, he then turned her around, his eyes meeting with hers, he could get lost in them every time he looked into them, he couldn’t resist any part of Eve.
“Sweetheart?” he said, taking her hands.
“I have loved you for as practically as long as I could breathe, you have been my heart, my soul, you have been everything that life represents and I can’t spend one day apart from you, I am so in love with you Eve and I want to make the complete commitment to you.”
“But we are….”
“I know, but until that happens, I want to spend every night and every day with you, and I would love to do that by professing my deep and entire love for you.” Julian said, opening the velvet box.
“I promise to commit to you, there is no other woman I’d rather be with Eve, you’re my world.” Julian said, taking her finger.
As Julian placed the ring upon her finger, he sealed it with a loving kiss, but when Eve seemed to tense up, he broke the kiss and looked at her.
“Eve, what is it, is it too soon? Am I scaring you?” he asked with concern.
“I am not trying to force you into anything you’re not ready for.”
“We need to talk Julian.”
“Okay, let’s sit, we have all night.” He said as they took her hand, sitting down on the wooden bench.
Eve’s words stopped when she felt her heart in her throat, a single tear running down her cheek.
“Darling, this is a happy time, don’t cry my love.” He said, wiping it with his thumb.
“Julian, I love you.” She said weakly.
“I love you too Eve.”
“But I can’t take the ring.”
“It’s too soon, I’m sorry, it’s my fault.” Julian said, wanting to kick himself.
“No Julian, I can’t take it at all, I can’t take it ever.” Eve said, her eyes leaving his.
“I can’t take it Julian, I love you so very much, but I can’t be with you.” She said, tears flowing one by one down her cheeks.
“I don’t understand.”
“Julian, I love you with every part of my heart and soul and I know that I have left T.C., but I can’t do it. I thought I could deal with Whitney and Simone hating me, but I can’t Julian. I love my daughters dearly, they are everything to me and I may have lost T.C., but I can’t lose them.”
“I can help you deal with it Eve, please don’t do this, we have come so far my love. I am the better person now because of you, you have helped me to be the Julian Crane I should have always been.”
“I can’t Julian, I’m so sorry, we have to end this tonight.”
“Tonight, no Eve, what if you just give it a few days? Maybe you’re just in a panic because of everything that has happened. It’s been a very emotional time for you and I’m willing to give you the space you need if you want time to figure it out.”
“Julian, we can’t, I’ve made up my mind.”
“Is there someone else? Have you met a man that makes you happier?”
“I mean, if there is, be honest with me please.”
“There is no one else, there was only T.C. and you, I swear to you.” Eve said.
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.”
“Could you take me home please?”
“Yes, if that’s what you really want.”
The ride home was one of complete silence, Julian wanted to say so much but he didn’t want to make things worse, he thought maybe she would change her mind, if not then, in a few days even if she was dead set against it. Julian stood in the doorway as Eve packed up her things, she could hardly look at him for if she did, she would break down and she had to be strong.
“May I help you?”
“I’m fine, thank you.” Eve said.
When she was finished, she smiled slightly at him.
“Where will you go?”
“A hotel for now.”
“May I call you just to make sure you are okay?” Julian asked.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Eve said, not wanting to encourage him or hurt him anymore.
As Julian walked her to the door, he was glad Rebecca wasn’t anywhere around, in fact it was very quiet. As she opened the door, her eyes met with this once again and Julian took her bag from her hand for a moment, taking her in his arms and hugging her like he had never done in his life, swallowing hard as he wanted that moment to last forever, the familiarity of Eve so very close.
“I should go.” She said, staring at him.
“One last kiss, one final kiss, I want to remember what it feels like to feel your mouth against mine Eve.” He said, hopeful.
She sighed, and as she allowed him to, Eve closed her eyes, knowing that it would be her last and as Julian’s mouth caressed hers, she felt her heart completely shatter then, breaking the kiss then, hardly able to see him clearly, her eyes filled with tears.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he whispered.
“I must go, good bye Julian.”
When she shut the door, Julian stood there in complete shock, but as his own eyes filled with tears, he panicked, opening the door and calling out her name, but she was gone.
“Eve, oh how could I lose her? How can I get her back?” Julian said, in such a panicked state.
He wanted to respect her wishes that she didn’t want to be with him even after she had split with T.C. He truly wondered if she did need some space, but his heart was breaking with every second away from her. It was difficult not to get in the car and chase after her. His heart was aching, his emotions raw, Julian couldn’t control the tears as they continued to flow down his cheeks, as he stood at the door, staring out in the middle of nowhere, a sudden trance he was in, a numbness to his body as he couldn’t believe what had just transpired.
He turned around to see Rebecca standing there.
“What’s the matter?”
“Oh piss off you wench!” he yelled in anger.
“What’s your problem, why are you crying?”
“Julian Crane, I have never seen you shed a tear for anything, unless it was for the fact we were out of booze, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“Go to hell!” he said, storming by her, leaving Rebecca in a state of confusion.
Julian slammed open his bedroom door hard, practically ripping the hinges off of it, kicking over a table in frustration when Rebecca peered her head in.
“What the hell is wrong with you, kicking and throwing things, are you trying to be like T.C. Russell?”
“Get the hell out, leave me alone!”
“Not until you tell me why the sudden anger after the tears?”
“What do you care, you’re a bitch, you’d like to take me down when I’m at my most vulnerable wouldn’t you?” he said, with fury in his eyes.
“You’re not making any sense here.”
“I shouldn’t even tell you this, but if I don’t, you’ll find out and make my life hell and rub it in my face. Eve has decided she doesn’t want to be with me.”
“Even though her and T.C. are no longer together?” Rebecca said surprised.
“Yeah, so go ahead, shout it from the rooftops Becky, go ahead, I dare you!” he yelled.
“What’s the reason, she decided you’re not good in bed?”
“You’re a cold hearted witch, how dare you say that?”
“Julian, I have no idea then, what?”
“Her girls okay.”
“Damn Julian, you’re so sensitive, I don’t know how to take you like this.” Rebecca said.
“And there is one thing you must know, you are not going to get your claws back into me now that Eve has decided to move on, don’t even think it. I am still going to divorce you.”
“Whatever, you know Julian, I’m going to leave you alone in your little tantrum.”
“Fine, now as I said get out!” Julian said, slamming the door in her face.
Julian opened his liquor cabinet and stared at the large bottle of brandy. When he grabbed a glass, he gazed at it, how tempting it was as he viewed it, the smooth taste he would soon experience as he would pour it down his throat and forget all of his troubles. He put the glass to his lips and closed his eyes, but then as a tear ran down his face once again, he put the glass down. He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t waste away the rest of the night by getting drunk, by being like his old self. He lay in bed, wallowing away his sorrows under the covers. Julian had never opened up his heart to any woman except Eve and now every fibre of his being was experiencing such severe pain, even worse than the first time he had abandoned her. He had become so close to her, they had fallen in love again, shared kisses, shared hugs, shared a bed, and they had become passionate, lovers in the night. And now it was gone, Eve unable to live with the idea of Whitney and Simone despising her. And Julian, how could he live without his precious Eve? He had always promised he wanted to see her happy but this pain and his unselfishness was even too unbearable for words. Julian had soon fallen asleep and when Rebecca tapped him on the shoulder in the morning, he just glared at her.
“You should get out of bed and do something for a change Pookie.”
“Don’t call me that, I’m not your Pookie anymore.”
“Come on, so Eve doesn’t want you, some other woman will.”
“Not you, so forget it.”
“I know that Julian, but you know I fight for what I want, the point is, if you want some other woman, just keep it to yourself.”
“I don’t want another woman, I want Eve!”
“Well you can’t have her, so deal with it.” Rebecca said bluntly.
“Fine, I’ll deal with it, now get out of my room.” He said, getting out of the bed and guiding her towards the door.
Julian was beyond frustration at the nerve of Rebecca, she was extremely insensitive, such a cold heart and he didn’t have to answer to her. She was still his current wife, but he had to see to it that she didn’t remain it. He had planned on making Eve his wife, but with the dream out the window, Julian had to take some Julian time, as difficult and sad as that was. The next day, he decided to make a fresh start, getting up early, showering and dressing. As he looked in the mirror doing up his orange oxford shirt, he stared at himself, stared at the Julian Crane he had become, thanks to his love for Eve. He took a deep breath and sighed to himself, looking at the tie and suit jacket upon his chair, forgoing it for the day. Julian wanted to change himself at that point, opting for a casual look instead. If he couldn’t change his emotions, he could certainly change his appearance. He decided then to head out for a haircut, but soon met with Ivy at the bottom of the stairs.
“Is it true, you and Eve are no longer together?”
“Ivy, I don’t want to talk about it please.”
“But I’d like to help, you love Eve, let me talk to her.”
“No Ivy, she’ll hate me even more.”
“Nonsense, I’m as blunt as they come, I’ll do something to change Eve’s mind, after all, if you want to be friends, I might as well try and do something good.” Ivy said.
“She’s made up her mind about me, she can’t have her girls hating her, just to be with me.”
“But she loves you.”
“I know that, but family comes first, first loves are second to that.” Julian said.
“Look, can’t I do something to help?”
“I appreciate your kindness Ivy and who you’ve become, we’ve never gotten along better than we do now, but Eve has made up her mind. But one thing you can do.”
“Don’t encourage Rebecca to pursue me again. I don’t care if you two have a bond over this Gwen/Theresa battle, you keep that lunatic away from me.” Julian said firmly.
“I’ll see what I can do, but really Julian, can’t you just understand, where we are coming from? I mean Theresa…”
“I have to go and get my haircut, see you around.”
“Haircut, what’s to cut, it’s already short now.”
Julian usually had his own personal barber, but he wasn’t in the mood to have him come to the mansion, so he went out to another barbershop. When he walked in the door, the barber nearly fell over at the sight of Julian.
“Julian Crane in my barbershop, this is an honor.”
“Oh don’t be silly, I’m here for a haircut, simple as that.”
“Just a trim I suppose?” the barber said teasing.
“I was thinking of maybe a new colour, what do you think?” Julian asked.
“Colour, no Mr. Crane, keep the gray, it suits you.”
“You think so, I thought I might go for something drastic.”
“Sometimes I’ll encourage it, but no, keep to what you have, I bet the ladies like it just as it is, no?”
“Maybe, anyway, okay, just a trim.” Julian said.
When Julian was finished, he gave the barber a huge tip and he nearly fell over.
“Come back anytime Mr. Crane.” He said, looking at the bill.
Julian ventured out for the day, for a long drive, a very long one. He was in another world, as the music on his CD player blasted out his ears like a teenager, but he wasn’t in the mood to concentrate on anything, the music was distracting for him and that took his mind off of Eve. When he pulled into a tiny bar out of the way, he sat down on the stool, the bartender staring at him.
“What can I get you?” he asked.
“I don’t know, how about a scotch on the rocks?”
“You got it.”
Julian wasn’t going to abuse the alcohol that day, the previous day would have been a disaster, as he was definitely in the mood to get as wasted as possible after his tragic day, but at that moment, just one drink was enough. He stuck to that and was on his way again, as he headed back to Harmony, he thought of Eve again, her face clear in his mind, the last moment of their sweet and sad kiss, one that he wanted to cherish forever, one that he would remember for a lifetime. He went to the park, his usual spot it seemed to get away from the likes of Rebecca or anyone else who got on his nerves. He needed to think, to think about his next move in life. This had been such a shock, he had planned on a life of happily ever after, but that was not meant to be. When he sat down on the wooden bench, he tried to clear his head, but Eve kept coming back to it, his beautiful Eve. When Julian felt his eyes fill with tears again, he bit his lip, knowing that he had to be strong; he had to move on with his life, it was the only way to get over the love of his life. But then again, how could he get over such a woman as Eve? This was something he would have to try to do only at his best. He closed his eyes for a few moments, and when he opened them, there she was, was he dreaming? Or was it really her?”
“I am dreaming aren’t I?”
“You’re not here, you told me we could never see each other again.”
She looked beautiful as usual, if this was a dream, Julian didn’t want to wake up at the sight of the love of his life.
“Pinch me, so I know you’re real.”
As she leaned over to do so, Julian smiled slightly at Eve.
“How are you?” she said softly.
“Do you want the honest truth?”
“Perhaps no.” Eve said.
“I don’t think you do because you wouldn’t be standing here right now, you’d be in my arms, letting me hold and kiss you, love you as I want to forever.”
“I should go.” Eve said lowering her eyes from his.
“Please don’t, one glance of you, just a mere second, makes me treasure what we had.”
“It also can make it more difficult for the decision I made Julian.”
“A decision that breaks my heart every time I think of you.”
“I’m sorry Julian, I know I’ve hurt you so badly, I’m so sorry.” Eve said.
“You’re the only woman for me, you know that.”
“I understand how much you love me and I love you, but my girls.” Eve said.
“But what if they eventually get over it? Eve if we don’t take chances in life, then we’ll never know what could be.”
“Julian, I made my decision, I took the risks in life and it blew up in my face. My girls hate me, T.C. hates me and Liz has him now, I can’t risk losing them completely. By showing them that we are not together, I may find a place in my heart again.” Eve said.
“You may also be giving up something you’ll regret.” Julian said, taking her hand.
Eve swallowed hard, her eyes meeting his in a complete and intense stare, lost in Julian’s hazel eyes for what seemed forever. They were pulling her in, taking in her heart, every emotion she felt and when she felt a tear splash down her cheek, she knew she had to go right then or she’d end up in his arms.
“I would love to be able to contact you sometime, just to see how you and the girls are doing.”
“That’s not wise Julian.”
“My dear Eve, this is a small town, we can’t avoid one another forever.”
“I have to go, bye Julian.” She said, letting go of his hand.
“Bye.” He said, sadly.
Julian slumped back onto the wooden bench, gripping the edges of it in frustration. Tears slowly poured from his hazel eyes. He had never shown such emotion in public, not to a soul. Alistair had created a monster within his son, for the many years Julian had suffered without his beloved Eve. He had bottled every heartache, every emotion inside, locked up for all of eternity, the hatred and anger held within him for so many years. But spending time with his love, falling in love with Eve, having her give him a second chance in life had helped to release such misery from his broken heart. But now that he was apart from her, the pain had returned.
“Eve, how can this be? How can we not be together, I love you so much, I love you dearly. We have come so far and now for us not to be able to hold one another in each other’s arms, I don’t know how I will go on without you.” Julian said, holding his head in his tear stained hands.
He looked up to see Ivy in his presence.
“Hello.” He said, wiping his eyes.
“Here.” She said, handing him a tissue.
“You really love her that much don’t you?” Ivy asked.
“I do Ivy, I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know how I can spend the next how many days, nights, months and years without her. We lost so much time, and now I’m going to lose her again. Being apart from her for even a mere second hurts every part of my soul.”
“I’ve never seen you like this, I’ve never seen such a fragile and vulnerable Julian Crane.” She said, touching his arm.
“I know it’s hard to believe, but this is what happens when you lose the love of your life, well for me anyways.”
“Julian, do you know I actually believe that? Take Sam and I, without him, I was lonely and frustrated. What we had, you and I, made life even lonelier, sorry to say.” She said, touching his hand.
“I know what a bastard I was to you, which is why I am happy we are friends now Ivy, that we can be at least that. My life became close to perfect having Eve back in my life, but now, it’s back to the unhappy one I experienced before finding her again.”
“Julian, I offered to talk to her for you, but you don’t seem to want that.”
“I know, I don’t want to push her away even farther, by pressuring her. I would love to fight for her, but I have to be a little less selfish, I have to let Eve have what she wants.”
“And when have you ever cared about anyone else? I mean usually you do everything for you, I would think if you loved Eve that much, you would be a little selfish and try everything to win her back.” Ivy said.
“But Ivy, I…”
“Julian, you’re a Crane and if you love her as much as you say you do, fight for her.”
“But I’ve grown to love her so much that I can’t just push her into wanting me, if she doesn’t want it.”
“You love her, look at you, and look how emotional you are, it’s tearing your heart out.”
“I don’t know.”
“Julian, look at me.” She said, taking his head in her hands.
“Eve is the woman you were meant to be with, just as Sam and I were meant to be together, follow your heart, let it guide you, don’t let your head make the right decision for you. I know you want to do the right thing because you are a good man now, but save a bit of that selfishness to get what you really want, Eve.” Ivy said.
“I want to believe that is the right thing to do.”
“For the times, I have hated and despised you, I can honestly say that I do want you to be happy and if it’s Eve, that makes you happy, then so be it. If you love her that much, go after her.” Ivy said.
“Perhaps you are right.”
“Oh you know I’m right, I’m Ivy.” She said smiling.
“You’re a good man Charlie Brown, now go and get your lady.” She said, giving him a sweet kiss upon his cheek.
Perhaps Ivy was right, oh hell he knew she was right, but how could he convince Eve that they were right for one another and still make her daughters happy? It was a tough call and he had to be sensitive and caring if he were to do this right. To be able to love Eve, and win over Simone and Whitney, what kind of task would that be and would it work? Julian pulled himself together and headed over to Eve’s house, it was the only way he’d have a chance to talk to her, granted she never slammed the door in her face. When he pulled up to her house, he sat there, closing his eyes for a moment, taking in the soft sounds of the Van Morrison song echoing in his ears. Julian stared at her from across the street when he saw her come out of the house and pick up the morning newspaper.
“Damn kids can’t avoid the mud, now can…”
Eve’s words were stopped when she noticed Julian leaning against his silver BMW Z8, staring at her. When he walked over to her, Eve couldn’t take her eyes off of him.
“Hi Julian, what are you doing here?”
“I came to talk to you.”
“We did all the talking we needed to in the park.”
“Eve, I am not leaving until we talk.” He said firmly.
“Excuse me Julian, just because I said this won’t work, don’t think you can resort back to your old ways.” Eve said, rather irritated.
“Who said anything about that?”
“Well you come over here and think you can just win me back, get off your high horse, I have to go.” Eve said.
“Wait.” He said, taking her arm.
“What is it?”
“Eve, I love you, honey, I adore you, look into my eyes and tell me you don’t love me and want to spend your life with me.” Julian said.
“I have to go I told you.” She said, avoiding his eyes as much as possible.
“You do love me, I know you do.”
“I do but…”
His mouth hungrily captured hers at that point, not allowing for any other reasons or buts why they couldn’t be together. Eve was taken aback, but he held her tightly in his arms, not allowing for any space between their bodies as they stood on the porch.
“You know how much I love you, you can’t deny that.” He said, against her neck.
“I know you do.”
“Do you love me Eve, tell me how much.” He whispered, against her tresses.
“I do Julian, but…”
“No buts, block out your troubles and just tell me darling, please?” he said, tracing her mouth with his thumb.
“I love you Julian, I love you so much, but my girls, we just can’t do this, we can’t.” she said, playing with the first button on his orange shirt.
“We will get through this, I’ll do whatever it takes to make Whitney and Simone understand that we were meant to be.”
“Julian, I love them so much and I love you, I’m so torn.” She said, as a tear ran down her cheek.
“Don’t be torn, I’m not going anywhere, all I know is that I’m in love with you. Don’t choose my love; don’t feel like you have to make that choice. They are adults and I know I’m not their father, but let me love you and if it ever comes to a point, let me show them I can love them.”
“I can’t help but be torn, Julian you are in my heart and soul and it’s very difficult being apart from you. But I need acceptance from my daughters to move on with you.” Eve said, a tear trickling down her cheek.
Julian wiped it away and breathed heavily, closing his eyes as he held Eve near to him. How could he live without her? How could he ever ask her to choose? He couldn’t, this was absolutely devastating for him knowing he had such an amazing love to give to her, his heart so complete with desire and true love every time he looked into her brown eyes. He meant what he said, he couldn’t live without her, but if he had to have some patience, he would do his very best to wait. How he adored his darling Eve, how he wanted so much to take her away from the likes of Harmony and whisk her away to some foreign land to help her forget all of her troubles and her past that had so much torn apart her happy home.
“I can’t stay out here with you, if my girls see us together, it will make me even more depressed at the thought of them hating me. Every moment, each passing second in time makes me my heart ache.”
“Darling, your heart only aches because you’re longing to be with me. To have me hold you, comfort and support you and above all, love you.” Julian said, taking her hand in his and placing a light kiss upon her cheek.
“I must go Julian.”
“What about your things?” he asked.
T.C. had tossed her out like trash on the street in his eyes and she had been staying with Sam and Ivy, even if Ivy and her hadn’t been getting along very well in the past. But Sam was one of her dearest and oldest friends; after all, he had been T.C.’s best friend. Ivy had told Julian he would talk to her, as they were in the same house, but Ivy also didn’t want to interfere in Eve’s business, she felt compassion for her, thanks to the help of Sam, Ivy was becoming softer as the days went by. And being that Julian and her were finally friends, she did want to help. As Julian stood on the porch, lost within his sweethearts’ eyes, Ivy pulled up in the driveway.
“I have to go, Ivy’s home.” Eve said, letting go of his hand.
“You don’t have to stay here, you can stay with me.”
“No Julian, I need my time alone and my space.”
Ivy just looked at Julian as she walked by them, shutting the door behind her and leaving them to talk.
“It’s time for me to go.” Eve said, once again.
“Listen to me my darling for one more minute.” Julian said.
Eve my darling,
I need you so much,
I miss your smile,
And I miss your touch.
Please don’t go,
Every moment away,
Breaks my heart,
Day after day.
We will make it,
Believe in you and I,
I can’t dare to lose you,
Can’t ever say goodbye.
He took her hands and continued on.
Life is hard,
Don’t let me go,
Follow your heart,
Even take things slow.
I’m here for life,
You have my heart,
Please don’t let it go,
Don’t let us part.
I love you forever,
You’re the one,
My soul intertwined,
This life’s only begun.
She stared at him in awe, such words, such sweet words from his heart; true words from within his soul that she knew were true and genuine. She wanted to love him, oh how she did miss everything about him. She sighed and when he squeezed her hand even tighter, a tear escaped down Julian’s cheek, one that represented such an amazing and pure love for a woman he had yearned to be with forever.
“Please don’t let this end, I’ve fought my demons and found my inner power, my heart how it wants to be locked in with yours, give me strength Eve, give me the strength to love you for life.” Julian said.
“I’ve never had a man want something so badly.”
“I can’t help how much I love you, we are destined to be together, we are intended to be united as one for every moment that passes, for every passing second without you, my heart shatters one more piece, one more instant that saddens this breaking heart and soul.”
“I know you love me Julian.”
“I love you like I’ve never loved anyone in my entire life, you are my life, you are everything to me. A love and passion that I share for you is so powerful, you are all I think about, every day, 24/7. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat because you are in my every thought and how I know that we are meant to be. I promise you I will stand by you, wait for you, as long as it takes, to feel completely comfortable to be with me. Whatever you need me to do to make this work, I’ll fight tooth and nail to make it happen, please Eve, please let me remain in your heart.”
“Let me take care of you, let me be the man you come home to every night, the man that asks how was your day, the man you can share every problem, every thought that’s on your mind, fear, sadness, happiness, everything, I’m here for you, I just want to show you how much I adore you, how much I’m in love with you Eve, please say yes, take a chance, take a risk, let your heart guide every feeling you have, let your heart remember what it’s like to be so loved. My heart is beating for you, my heart is entirely for you, no one else, only you my darling.” Julian said.
Eve walked off of the porch and stood on the grass, staring out into nowhere like she was in some kind of trance. Julian came behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her.
“Let me love you, don’t be afraid to let me do that and don’t be afraid to love me back.” He whispered.
Eve turned around to stare at him, Julian running his hand down her cheek.
“Okay.” She said, quietly.
“Yes, you’re right, I can’t be without you, I can’t let my head rule over my heart, I need you Julian, I do need you.”
“I need you too, we will make it, we will my love, and I promise you that, any obstacle we face, we do it together, I love you.”
“I love you too Julian.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and captured his mouth to hers once again in a kiss that he had been so yearning for, a kiss that became more passionate by the moment, their hearts uniting as one.
“Oh Eve, my sweet darling, I have loved you for all of eternity, the passion and the desire we share for one another will always be present in my heart. No day goes by that I don’t think about what a lucky man I am to have you in my life.” Julian said.
“I just don’t know how I can tell the girls that I am going to be with you after all.”
“When you love someone, no matter what it takes, you do what you can to be with them. Love is not like an hourglass; it doesn’t run out after so much of the sand runs through, love is a feeling that lasts for a lifetime. People go through life and experience different things including love with different people, but the first love, the true love always remains in the hearts of the two who fell head over heels for each other in the first place.” Julian said.
“Julian, you truly mean that.”
“Oh yes my dear, I have never been more sure about anything in my life than the true love I have for you.”
“I have to stay here with Ivy and Sam, I really don’t have a place to go.”
“You can be with me my love, no worries, T.C. will never hurt you again, I won’t let him say such awful things to you, you are a beautiful woman who deserves pure love and I can give that to you.”
“Julian, my girls, I want to believe that they will be okay with this, but it’s not going to be easy.” She said, Eve’s eyes filling once again with tears.
“Look at me my darling, life isn’t easy, life is one of many challenges and we took the biggest challenge finding our way back to one another. I know you didn’t want the truth to come out this way, no one did, but it has, but Eve, you are the soul mate I’ve cherished in my heart for years, no one else compares to the strength I feel when we are together in life.” Julian said.
He ran his fingers through her tresses, Julian studying her soulful and lovely eyes, the tears of emotion and pain that dripped down upon her cheeks, made his heart break in two, knowing just how difficult this was for Eve to deal with. How could such a beautiful and sweet woman as Eve have to go through such an ordeal? She hadn’t been able to be truthful to her husband, who was indeed something of a nutcase at times. For all she ever wanted was to love him whole-heartedly, be the good doctor and mother she was and live happily ever after. How much could she endure, how unfair was it to have a devil of a sister to believe that revenge was the only thing worth getting in life? Julian knew in his heart that although Alistair created such problems between them, it was him who left in the first place and to allow Eve to live with such feelings of abandonment for so many years, he was the one who wanted to take her pain away, to take those tears and hurt and transfer them into his soul, allowing Eve to be free of such heartache.
“I will come with you to talk to the girls, I will be by your side, why don’t we go now?” Julian asked.
“Maybe we should wait.” She said, taking his hand.
“Are you sure, I mean you do want to tell them my love that we are going to be together?”
“Of course, but I want to think things through.” Eve said.
“I understand, do you want me to come back later on?”
“Actually no, could you take me for a drive?”
“Of course my love, anything for you.” Julian said, caressing her cheek.
“Thank you for being the most wonderful man I’ve ever known, the man who’s loved me.”
“I have always loved you, you are forever and ever in my heart my dear. I always remember the first glimpse of you on that stage, how I was smitten. I had never seen such a beautiful angel as you upon that stage, an angel sent from heaven.” Julian said.
“Oh Julian.” She said, her eyes filling with more tears.
“I don’t mean to make you cry, you’re just so much in my heart and soul my darling, I love you Eve, I love you so much.” He said, hugging her tightly.
“Come my dear, let’s go for that drive.”
“Okay.” She said softly.
When Julian closed the passenger door, Eve took a simple breath and he gazed at her.
“Everything will be okay, I promise you.” He said kissing her hand.
She nodded, he always knew what to say and when she tried to buckle her seatbelt, he gazed at her.
“Here let me.” He said, smiling.
“Thank you.” She said softly.
Julian caught her glance and she looked away shyly for a moment. Julian placed his hand upon her chin and he studied her tempting lips, he had to taste them. Eve closed her eyes, giving into the sheer desire and love she had for Julian. She was lost within the moment, her fingers running through the back of his soft gray hair as their kiss became more magical by the mere second, one of an undying love they could share.
“I love you.” He whispered into her tresses.
“I love you too, so much Julian, so very much.” She said, pulling him tightly to her as tears stained his orange shirt.
Eve couldn’t stop crying, she wanted to, but alas the tears kept flowing and at that rate, Julian wasn’t driving anywhere, he didn’t want to start on their way and Eve need to be held so he sat there for a while, allowing her to release every emotion as he held her in his strong arms, comforting her.
“I’m sorry.” She said, wiping her eyes.
“Don’t be sorry, you have gone through so much, you need a shoulder to lean on, I’m here for you Eve, always.”
Eve nodded and when the tears finally stopped flowing, they were on their way. Julian gazed over at her every so often as she watched the scenery fly by at quite the speed. Eve was in her own world then and wanted to be quiet and he understood that. When Julian squeezed her hand, she gazed over at him, and stared into his hazel eyes, she could see and feel the eternal love in them. Julian drove far away from Harmony, she didn’t want to see any of the town, it was terrible enough reliving the moment of her husband dealing with the unspeakable truth, and a new location for a few hours was just what she needed. It had been a long drive and Julian stopped at a grocery store to pick them up some bottled water. Eve sat in the car alone, her mind racing with thoughts of T.C, Liz, Whitney and Simone and Julian. She sighed and scanned through the radio stations. When one particular song came on the radio, Eve’s heart skipped a beat; she closed her eyes and felt her heart shatter in more pieces as Barbra Streisand’s The Way We Were playing softly in the background. Listening to the lyrics and what they represented made her think, think far too much.
Memories light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories of the way we were
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another for the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Tears returned to Eve’s eyes, she couldn’t help it, if it wasn’t the flashbacks of her family broken up before her, it was song lyrics that reminded her so much of it.
Memories may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...
Eve’s emotions were out of control as Barbra sang the last line the way we were once again, a song that could represent her family with T.C. or her past with Julian, it didn’t matter, the words were within her soul and nothing could stop these tears this time. Julian opened the door to see Eve in a state.
“Honey, what is it?” He said, throwing down the bottles of water.
“Oh Julian, I…”
“Tell me sweetheart, it’s okay, shhh.” He said, holding her once again.
When she tried to explain, Julian got the gist of it and handed her tissue after tissue.
“Thank you for being so understanding.”
“That’s what you do when you love someone.” Julian said, kissing her forehead.
“I can’t thank you enough.”
“You never have to thank me, I left you once, I’ll never ever leave you again my darling, ever.” Julian said, kissing her mouth that was wet from her salty tears.