Damage Incorporated -> The Funny Things We Didn't Say

The Funny Things We Didn't Say, Random comedy from the Internet

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Captain Seato

Posted: Jan 14 2006, 08:58 PM

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From http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID...rtn=main-topten

QUOTE

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car."

--------------------

The Gaunt and Grot
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Captain Seato

Posted: Jan 14 2006, 08:59 PM

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QUOTE (Temjin @ Jan 11, 2005)

If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

--------------------

The Gaunt and Grot
I a c t a . A l e a . E s t
DAMAGE INCORPORATED FAQ
P e r . S c i n t i l l u m . F l a m m a
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Captain Seato

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 01:05 AM

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Joined: 22-November 04

QUOTE

Dear Canadians,
Don't let the other guy ruin Canada.
On January 23rd VOTE!!!

--------------------

The Gaunt and Grot
I a c t a . A l e a . E s t
DAMAGE INCORPORATED FAQ
P e r . S c i n t i l l u m . F l a m m a
Battlecry of Clan Vulpes Ferrus, Iron Hands Astartes Chapter

Brother-Librarian Swintha

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 01:09 AM

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Group: Members
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Member No.: 188
Joined: 18-November 05

QUOTE

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. McNick, asked her class, "Which human
body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should
not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my
parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. McNick ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is
she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. McNick said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

(1) you have a dirty mind,
(2) you didn't read your homework, and
(3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

--------------------

QUOTE (Billie-Joe Armstrong of Green Day)

"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!' So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!"

Brother-Librarian Swintha

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 01:10 AM

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Group: Members
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Member No.: 188
Joined: 18-November 05

QUOTE

Remote for men
user posted image

--------------------

QUOTE (Billie-Joe Armstrong of Green Day)

"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!' So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!"

Brother-Librarian Swintha

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 01:17 AM

Writer

Group: Members
Posts: 365
Member No.: 188
Joined: 18-November 05

QUOTE

--------------------

QUOTE (Billie-Joe Armstrong of Green Day)

"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!' So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!"

Brother-Librarian Swintha

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 01:23 AM

Writer

Group: Members
Posts: 365
Member No.: 188
Joined: 18-November 05

QUOTE

PONDERISMS

� I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

� Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

� The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

� Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

� There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

� Life is sexually transmitted.

� Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

� The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

� Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

� Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

� Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

� Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

� All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

� In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

� Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

� How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

� Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

� Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

� Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

� If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

� Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

� Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

� Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

� If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

� If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

� If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

� If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

� Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

� Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

� Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

� Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

� Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

--------------------

QUOTE (Billie-Joe Armstrong of Green Day)

"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!' So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!"

Brother-Librarian Swintha

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 01:27 AM

Writer

Group: Members
Posts: 365
Member No.: 188
Joined: 18-November 05

QUOTE

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes something like this:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving

103%? What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass-kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit

and Ass-kissing that will put you over the top !!!!!!

Don't you just Love it?!!!

--------------------

QUOTE (Billie-Joe Armstrong of Green Day)

"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!' So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!"

Brother-Librarian Swintha

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 01:27 AM

Writer

Group: Members
Posts: 365
Member No.: 188
Joined: 18-November 05

QUOTE

A guy with a 25-inch penis went to a doctor and said, "I can't live with
>this anymore! It's too long."
>
>The doctor replied, "I can't do anything for you, but if you see the witch
>doctor in the bayou, she can help you."
>
>So, he went to the bayou and saw the witch doctor. The witch doctor said,
>"Go into the swamp and find a female frog. Ask her to marry you. She'll
>say "No", and you'll lose 5 inches off your member!"
>
>So, he went to the swamp and found the frog and asked her, "Will you marry
>me?"
>
>"No!", she said.
>
>He lost 5 inches off his member!
>
>The guy liked the results, and thought, 20 inches is just too much. So he
>asked the frog again, "Will you marry me?"
>
>The frog said, "No!"
>
>And the guy lost another 5 inches. He thought, God, 15 inches is great!
>But 10 inches would just be perfect.
>
>So he asked,! "Will you marry me?"
>
>And the frog said, "How many time do I have to tell you . . . NO! NO! NO!"

--------------------

QUOTE (Billie-Joe Armstrong of Green Day)

"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!' So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!"

listy the treadhead	Posted: Jan 15 2006, 05:47 AM
Sub-Editor Group: Moderati Posts: 2,053 Member No.: 11 Joined: 22-November 04	Muwhahahaha... My turn... (Some of these are most decidley UK humour) http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe...brave_thing.jpg http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe...cs/19974/rm.jpg http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe...my_baseball.jpg http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe...q_mcdonalds.jpg http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html Bonus points for anyone who can spot the comedy in the following picture: http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe...Sieg%20Heil.jpg

listy the treadhead	Posted: Jan 15 2006, 06:00 AM
Sub-Editor Group: Moderati Posts: 2,053 Member No.: 11 Joined: 22-November 04	more and more and more... can your bandwidth take it? http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe...lauseisdead.jpg http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe.../17127/bush.jpg http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/coppermine/di...fullsize=1.html

Captain Seato

Posted: Jan 15 2006, 09:00 AM

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Posts: 4,110
Member No.: 15
Joined: 22-November 04

QUOTE (listy the treadhead @ Jan 15 2006, 05:47 AM)

Bonus points for anyone who can spot the comedy in the following picture:
http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/modules/coppe...Sieg%20Heil.jpg

First I was thinking, "heh, 'sieg heil'..." and then I realized the true comedy.

--------------------

The Gaunt and Grot
I a c t a . A l e a . E s t
DAMAGE INCORPORATED FAQ
P e r . S c i n t i l l u m . F l a m m a
Battlecry of Clan Vulpes Ferrus, Iron Hands Astartes Chapter

listy the treadhead	Posted: Jan 15 2006, 09:32 AM
Sub-Editor Group: Moderati Posts: 2,053 Member No.: 11 Joined: 22-November 04	The caption that went with that picy was: "You can take the Boxhead out of the party..." Squadies huh?

JenBurdoo

Posted: Jan 16 2006, 03:00 AM

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Group: Moderati
Posts: 461
Member No.: 31
Joined: 25-November 04

From the March series by John Ringo:

QUOTE

Clay Roasted Suckling Damn-beast:

The following is a recipe for Clay-Roasted Suckling Damn-beast, a delicacy of the planet Marduk. We would like to thank Sergeant Adib Julian for his helpful suggestions and tips on preparing this appetizing dish. And this is just one of the hundreds of useful recipes in Interplanetary Fanny's New Book: "Intergalactic Cooking for the Mom on the Go!" (Elease March 3428 AD, JB5Clone Publishing Enterprises).

Follow these steps for a delightful meal!

Step One: Catch suckling damn-beast.

Since these are fiercely guarded by one or the other of the mated pair of damn-beasts, this is, naturally, the hardest part. The second hardest part is finding a damn-beast den. The dens are commonly found in rocky upland areas, but are occasionally found in holes beneath mature faux-teak trees. Whether they are beneath faux-teak or in rocky outcroppings, mature dens will only be found on or near hilltops that are out of reach of Marduk's notorious floods. The openings are relatively small for such a large carnivore, but the damn-beast can flatten itself oblately and so must the damn-beast hunter.

Placing a group of guards outside the den, a single person, after removing their battle armor, can normally worm their way into the entrance. It requires a person who is not overlarge or heavy set and fundamentally unafraid of confined spaces.

Remember that the damn-beast is heavily armored in the frontal quarters. Since this is the only part our intrepid hunter is going to see, it is imperative that a high quality weapon be toted into the burrow. Although one might prefer a plasma rifle, there are countervailing arguments (you can't fit it in the burrow, it will kill and torch the kits you're planning on eating, the blast will probably bring down the roof and even if it doesn't the back-blast in that confined space will surely kill you). It is recommended to use a bead pistol with armor piercing rounds. If such a weapon or ammunition is unavailable, the traditional Mardukan weapon of choice is an assegai, a short spear. However, uhmmm, Mardukans generally don't fit in the burrows so it's not so much traditional as what they would use. If they were stupid enough to try it and could fit in the burrow.

Burrow tunnels are normally 20-30 meters in length, about a meter and a half wide and a half meter high. They will have two to three twists in them and at least one "gooseneck" to catch runoff from Marduk's notorious rains. Note that the gooseneck will often contain standing water, but the intrepid hunter should be able to duck through it and get to air on the other side.

These burrows exist because the damn-beast is a natural prey of the HOLY-SHIT! beast. All items relating to preparation of Roast Suckling Damn-Beast can be used for Roast Suckling HOLY-SHIT! beast. However, the hunter is reminded that the HOLY-SHIT! beast is seven times the size of the damn-beast. Dress appropriately.

Passing through these obstacles our hunter should shortly thereafter encounter the defending parent damn-beast. Remember, the damn-beast has no vulnerabilities on the front end. If using an automatic weapon, long, wildly uncontrolled bursts are the way to go. You won't have much time, so putting as many armor piercing rounds as possible on target is the only way to be around to write your own article. Care and decorum are not keynote words for the few seconds between "what's that smell" and "Oh, THANK GOD that's over!"

If you're using an assegai...drop me a note afterwards, will you? Not before, though. I'm required by Imperial Law to report suicide attempts.

Having dispatched the defending parent you will have to make your way by the carcass. Since it will more or less block the opening to the den, I leave the method up to the discretion of the hunter. (In my case, let me say two words: Big...Knife).

After this you will have reached the horrible little bastards you are after. By this time they will be feeding on their deceased parent, snapping at you and generally making a real pain-in-the-ass of themselves. You can't kill the little bastards, though (if you ever try this, and succeed, you will understand my lack of kindness towards these horrible little snapping-turtle m*&^%$#@$%^&g bastards) because the cook wants them "as fresh as possible". (The stupid m*&^%$#@%^&r. See him trying this?)

Proceed to pick them up and put them in the sack you brought... Look, if you just brought these instructions with you and didn't read it in advance it's not my fault you didn't bring a sack! Proceed to...oh, I already said that. And I suppose you forgot really thick, leather or synth-armor gloves, right? Well, if you did, you're in trouble. These little c*&^%$#@%rs can BITE.

Once you have them in the sack, you are more or less done. Well, except for turning around (I did mention this requires a smalllllll person, right? Right?) and crawling back through the, you know, the debris. Dragging a sack. Full of screaming, clawing little m*&^%$#@cking demons. But you're more or less done. With step one.

Step Two: Kill the little c*&^%$#@%rs.

The cook will probably want to do this him (or her) self until he (or she) tries it with one. And he (or she) will go on and on about not disturbing them and proper bleeding and etc.

Grab your gloves. Take a big cleaver....

Step Three:

Let the cook skin them. The scum gets all over your hands and stinks to high heaven. You already took a couple of showers and a bath to get momma off of you and you don't need to take a couple of more.

Step Four:

Stuff with barleyrice and Mardukan taters. If the barleyrice is seasoned with jcsauce, it adds piquancy. (Piquancy here refers to the fact that jcsauce is slightly hotter than pure capsicum.)

Step Five:

Wrap in leaves (fire-tree leaves if available) and cover with a thick coating of wet clay. Cook in hot fire and maintain fire while cooking. Serve whole on a bed of barleyrice surrounded by sliced kangoes.

Tastes like frog-legs.

Sgt. Adib Julian
Bronze Battalion (Prince Roger's Elite)
Empress Own
Empire of Man

--------------------

"'There's only one principle of war and that's this. Hit the other fellow, as quick as you can, and as hard as you can, where it hurts him most, when he ain't lookin'!'"
-- Field Marshal Sir William Slim

listy the treadhead	Posted: Jan 17 2006, 12:21 PM
Sub-Editor Group: Moderati Posts: 2,053 Member No.: 11 Joined: 22-November 04	Me again, this time with "Squadie Starwars". (knicked in whole from another site, and poster: Or imagine if Star Wars were written and Yoda was a proper instructor and Luke was learning to move the boxes with the power of the Force �Skywalker fecking red arrse Jedi Crow you are! RUN those ammo boxes through the swamp will you! Cnutting force my arrse! When Move I say Move you will � MOVE. Fast enough not was that, again do it. A Winner it pays to be� Later Joda and Luke get mental on Swamp Juice and bezzer each other massively �Best mate you are, love you I do, bang your sister can I� slurs Cpl Yoda. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pte Skywalker, having been driven through the night by R2 D2 after another all day bender with Cpl Yoda, arrives at Jabba�s Desert Palace. He staggers up the path up to the great Bronze gates where two enormous creatures bar his path. �Where�s your Mod 90� says the hulking great stupid green thing �Right Feckin here� shouts our man as he lashes out at the guard. He misses the massive green chin and lands up face down by the gate, he�s shat himself and he�s eyes are at 45 degrees to each other. R2D2 wants to know who�s going to pay his fare from Dagobah. �I�sh sorry, but y�know am feckin arssholed� he slurs as he�s dragged into the guard room. The scene moves on to the next day. Skywalker is dancing like a pixie in front of Admiral Ackbar whilst an Ewok CSM shouts out time. �Right Skywalker this isn�t the first time I�ve had you in here is it� Bubbles the fishy admiral. �I�ve had enough of your pissed up antics, 21 days and no mind control with the Provo Staff� understand!� ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two storm troopers are stagging on. It�s 4 am on Hoth and -15 degrees. They look out into the darkness Click �This is Fecking s***� Click Click �How long you got left?� Click Click � Fifteen Mins� Click Click �Who�s on next?� Click Click �Vader� Click Click �You gonna wake him up then? Click Click �That punchy fecker � you fecking mad?� Click

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