Wow, Rae was right. This is a dry forum...

So let's water the plants and play a game. Essentially I will ask a question starting with "What if...", and the next poster will answer it. Then they'll ask their own question. Repeat until topic is dead...

Sooo, let's see... What if Canada didn't have their great syrup?

The worlds strategic syrup reserves would quickly run out, forcing maple syrup to quickly replace both gold and platinum as the worlds' most valuable substance(s). Only the rich and politically powerful would be able to afford even a drop.
Faced with such a devastating shortage of their favorite breakfast condiment, the lower classes resort to "May-Pole Syrup" in a vain attempt to satiate themselves. "May-Pole Syrup," being distilled from the excrement of the festive maypole, is extremely poisonous. Millions die. Several world governments, in an attempt to save their syrup-craving citizens, engineer a virus designed to kill every maypole on earth. It succeeds, but also reanimates the corpses of anyone who died by ingesting "May-Pole Syrup."

The remaining people of earth wander around in groups of four for about twenty minutes before overdosing on painkillers which they had "grabbed" to help them fight the zombie hordes.


What if...

Rock and Roll was actually a delicious culinary dish featuring bread and stones?

Then Led Zeppelin would be an aircraft.

What if my goats were to suddenly grow ears?

Then my pet goat could finally wear his sunglasses at night.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Psychotherapists worldwide would be out of work. CEOs everywhere finally succumb to their insanity having lost the ability to blame their quirks on their dysfunctional childhoods. NASA (or the ESA, or...) decides that the fastest way to get humans to mars is to move the entire earth, but through a freak accident involving two bananas, a chainsaw, and all of Shakespeare's original manuscripts the Earth is shoved towards Mars when Mars is directly opposite the sun.

Everyone gets that sinking feeling as the Earth slowly spirals inwards. In their final hours, the entire human race decides to sing the theme to Red Dwarf.

Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun sun...



What if "To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe" was taken seriously

Then the recipe for apple pie would be many, many volumes long, some involving philosophy, others would be scientific theories, and others more would bring about a new religion. The list of ingredients would be longer than any dictionary.

What if you couldn't respond to this question?

Then I couldn't make this post at all.

What if everything was in black and white?

Then sunglasses would double as a blindfold.

What if fire absorbed heat instead of producing it?

We would not exist.

What if matter could be created or destroyed?

Then we'd be existence would start to look a lot like Minecraft. Break a block, it appears as a spinning collectible on the ground. Pick it up, no weight, no encumbrance for carrying mountainfuls of stone in your pockets, nothing but a memory of what once was. Need a house? Just take some of those "blocks" of dirt and put them on the ground in the shape you want. Instantly they're there, they're in the way, and they're heavy.


What if mime "props" had substance

Then a lot more mimes would suffocate from being locked in visible invisible boxes.

What if you replaced pandas with ninjas in a zoo?

Then the panda exhibit would look very empty.

What if Armageddon was tomorrow?

Then that would make Mondays suck even more.

What if The Aperture Science Hand Held Portal Device existed, and was able to be used in the average household?

NASA would be out of a job. You could get to the moon (and back) easy as pie...

Cake I mean.

(I'm starting to run out of wild and crazy stories...)


What if it really did rain "cats and dogs?"

Most pet stores would be out of business. Pounds would be overflowing. Storms would result in great amounts of property damage, not to mention casualties resulting from Great Dane hail.

What if people could breath melted cheese?

You could swim in your nachos and not worry about scuba gear!

What if mankind were ruled by a giant beaver?

All of the world would be completely shocked by the change.
Except Canada.

What if the digestion tract were reversed?

What if cookies were good for you?

Then south park would be right, people could crap out their mouths (nasty).

Then less of the world would be obese, and the Oreo company would overthrow the beaver.

Two for one.

What if you could fly, but only while drinking tomato sauce?

Then I'd get Ragu to sponsor me and open up an italian restaraunt on the side. Ruled by my iron fist, my chain would eventually drive Olive Garden out of business. Satisfied with my victory, I would retire to the tomato dimension of Xil where I would be revered as a god.




What if sandwiches healed all of your injuries (if you ate one)?

What's that Sandvich? "Kill them all?" Good idea!

What if Superman became a lawyer?

He could have legal cases of steel, see through the shoddy evidence (provided it isn't lead), and jump to great conclusions in a single bound.

What if batman was an ornithologist?

Then Robin wouldn't be far behind.

What if Candle Jack

Well, the problem with your question is that Candle Jack would


What if you accidentally the whole kitchen? And would that be a bad thing?

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THE POOR KITCHEN OH GOD

What if all of the people in the world suddenly swapped genders, but kept their old minds?

Then we'd be even more unsure of what to call that critter that Rae made up.

What if Fox and Jalyss had a Freaky Friday?

I don't think fox would notice the difference This is too crazy, of course he would.

I think it would start to look like an 80's sitcom. Complete with laugh track. The zany antics are just crazy enough to keep you watching for a half hour and no one does anything that can't be fixed with an apology and a little (teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy...) blackmail, until Jalyss kills fox for learning some dark secret about the Bastian race. Then she kills him. (Who's in which body at that point I have no idea)


What if they combined to form VOLTRON!

Then Fox would get distracted and ruin it.

What if the Dissonance critter had a name of some sort?

The earth would fracture as the lord of the 7th circle comes forth, plummeting humanity into millennia of pain and destruction. Or maybe the characters of Dissonance would call the critter by that name. One of the two.

What if gravity could be reversed?

• I tripped on my shoelace
• And I fell up-
• Up to the roof tops
• Up over the mountains.
• Up where the colors
• Blend into the sounds.
• But it got me so dizzy
• When I looked around,
• I got sick to my stomach
• And I threw down!

What if we gave Rae a Point of View Gun?

She would start off on a long short and perilous effortless trek to rule the world. You're right, this comic is hilarious. How could I not have seen it before, I do owe you $50. How.. but... erk... I guess you ARE who I should vote for in the next election for emperor of everything... and I guess it would be a good idea that we elect an emperor of everything for life, but just this once.


What if you were framed for the theft of the most valuable jewel in the world, the Diamond-Encrusted Diamond?

I would point out that I couldn't have stolen it; because a diamond encrusted diamond is a....diamond....

Therefore, someone made it up to try and frame me.

The Emperor of 42... I like the sound of that!

I guess I should take this as a what if? There would be a king and queen of 21, three viceroys of 14, and these would be little more than figureheads in the hitchhiker nobility while real power is held by the parliament of lesser factors. Adams was British after all.

What if ToeJam and Earl were still culturally relevant?

Then I would understand what you are even talking about.

What if you had an idiotic twin to blame everything on?

Then I could get away with murder. Quite possibly even literally. Maybe I'd run for president!

What if you had asked a question?

Then he wouldn't have me beat his face in.

What if jellybeans grew little arms and legs and became sentient?

They would see humans as gods, worshiping us and offering us their children and elderly as sacrifices, lest we simply eat them all.

What if I had been named Sheep?

Then that would be BAAad news.
(Oh you saw it coming)

What if people weren't people?

Then that would mean that Soylent Green is... is...
Dang.

What if a dog ate Nyan Cat's Poptart?