Title: The "What if?" game!
Goats Kordatar - July 16, 2011 12:53 PM (GMT)
Wow, Rae was right. This is a dry forum...
So let's water the plants and play a game. Essentially I will ask a question starting with "What if...", and the next poster will answer it. Then they'll ask their own question. Repeat until topic is dead...
Sooo, let's see... What if Canada didn't have their great syrup?
Wonderdummy - July 16, 2011 01:51 PM (GMT)
The worlds strategic syrup reserves would quickly run out, forcing maple syrup to quickly replace both gold and platinum as the worlds' most valuable substance(s). Only the rich and politically powerful would be able to afford even a drop.
Faced with such a devastating shortage of their favorite breakfast condiment, the lower classes resort to "May-Pole Syrup" in a vain attempt to satiate themselves. "May-Pole Syrup," being distilled from the excrement of the festive maypole, is extremely poisonous. Millions die. Several world governments, in an attempt to save their syrup-craving citizens, engineer a virus designed to kill every maypole on earth. It succeeds, but also reanimates the corpses of anyone who died by ingesting "May-Pole Syrup."
The remaining people of earth wander around in groups of four for about twenty minutes before overdosing on painkillers which they had "grabbed" to help them fight the zombie hordes.
Rock and Roll was actually a delicious culinary dish featuring bread and stones?
Goats Kordatar - July 16, 2011 02:56 PM (GMT)
Then Led Zeppelin would be an aircraft.
What if my goats were to suddenly grow ears?
Death Drak - July 16, 2011 06:01 PM (GMT)
Then my pet goat could finally wear his sunglasses at night.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Wonderdummy - July 16, 2011 09:54 PM (GMT)
Psychotherapists worldwide would be out of work. CEOs everywhere finally succumb to their insanity having lost the ability to blame their quirks on their dysfunctional childhoods. NASA (or the ESA, or...) decides that the fastest way to get humans to mars is to move the entire earth, but through a freak accident involving two bananas, a chainsaw, and all of Shakespeare's original manuscripts the Earth is shoved towards Mars when Mars is directly opposite the sun.
Everyone gets that sinking feeling as the Earth slowly spirals inwards. In their final hours, the entire human race decides to sing the theme to Red Dwarf.
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun sun...
What if "To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe" was taken seriously
Death Drak - July 17, 2011 12:08 AM (GMT)
Then the recipe for apple pie would be many, many volumes long, some involving philosophy, others would be scientific theories, and others more would bring about a new religion. The list of ingredients would be longer than any dictionary.
What if you couldn't respond to this question?
CrowTRobot - July 17, 2011 05:17 AM (GMT)
Then I couldn't make this post at all.
What if everything was in black and white?
CheeseLord - July 17, 2011 06:08 AM (GMT)
Then sunglasses would double as a blindfold.
What if fire absorbed heat instead of producing it?
Zetal - July 17, 2011 07:34 AM (GMT)
We would not exist.
What if matter could be created or destroyed?
Wonderdummy - July 17, 2011 03:07 PM (GMT)
Then we'd be existence would start to look a lot like Minecraft. Break a block, it appears as a spinning collectible on the ground. Pick it up, no weight, no encumbrance for carrying mountainfuls of stone in your pockets, nothing but a memory of what once was. Need a house? Just take some of those "blocks" of dirt and put them on the ground in the shape you want. Instantly they're there, they're in the way, and they're heavy.
What if mime "props" had substance
Death Drak - July 17, 2011 07:37 PM (GMT)
Then a lot more mimes would suffocate from being locked in visible invisible boxes.
What if you replaced pandas with ninjas in a zoo?
Zetal - July 17, 2011 08:16 PM (GMT)
Then the panda exhibit would look very empty.
What if Armageddon was tomorrow?
Death Drak - July 17, 2011 08:54 PM (GMT)
Then that would make Mondays suck even more.
What if The Aperture Science Hand Held Portal Device existed, and was able to be used in the average household?
Wonderdummy - July 17, 2011 10:42 PM (GMT)
NASA would be out of a job. You could get to the moon (and back) easy as pie...
Cake I mean.
(I'm starting to run out of wild and crazy stories...)
What if it really did rain "cats and dogs?"
Death Drak - July 17, 2011 11:07 PM (GMT)
Most pet stores would be out of business. Pounds would be overflowing. Storms would result in great amounts of property damage, not to mention casualties resulting from Great Dane hail.
What if people could breath melted cheese?
Wonderdummy - July 17, 2011 11:41 PM (GMT)
You could swim in your nachos and not worry about scuba gear!
What if mankind were ruled by a giant beaver?
Zetal - July 18, 2011 04:50 AM (GMT)
All of the world would be completely shocked by the change.
What if the digestion tract were reversed?
Rae - July 18, 2011 08:31 PM (GMT)
What if cookies were good for you?
Death Drak - July 18, 2011 08:42 PM (GMT)
Then south park would be right, people could crap out their mouths (nasty).
Then less of the world would be obese, and the Oreo company would overthrow the beaver.
Two for one.
What if you could fly, but only while drinking tomato sauce?
Wonderdummy - July 18, 2011 10:03 PM (GMT)
Then I'd get Ragu to sponsor me and open up an italian restaraunt on the side. Ruled by my iron fist, my chain would eventually drive Olive Garden out of business. Satisfied with my victory, I would retire to the tomato dimension of Xil where I would be revered as a god.
What if sandwiches healed all of your injuries (if you ate one)?
Goats Kordatar - July 18, 2011 11:46 PM (GMT)
Death Drak - July 19, 2011 04:39 PM (GMT)
He could have legal cases of steel, see through the shoddy evidence (provided it isn't lead), and jump to great conclusions in a single bound.
What if batman was an ornithologist?
Goats Kordatar - July 19, 2011 05:19 PM (GMT)
Then Robin wouldn't be far behind.
What if Candle Jack
Death Drak - July 19, 2011 09:55 PM (GMT)
Well, the problem with your question is that Candle Jack would
What if you accidentally the whole kitchen? And would that be a bad thing?
Zetal - July 20, 2011 11:51 AM (GMT)
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THE POOR KITCHEN OH GOD
What if all of the people in the world suddenly swapped genders, but kept their old minds?
Goats Kordatar - July 20, 2011 12:32 PM (GMT)
Then we'd be even more unsure of what to call that critter that Rae made up.
What if Fox and Jalyss had a Freaky Friday?
Wonderdummy - July 20, 2011 10:23 PM (GMT)
I don't think fox would notice the difference This is too crazy, of course he would.
I think it would start to look like an 80's sitcom. Complete with laugh track. The zany antics are just crazy enough to keep you watching for a half hour and no one does anything that can't be fixed with an apology and a little (teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy...) blackmail, until Jalyss kills fox for learning some dark secret about the Bastian race. Then she kills him. (Who's in which body at that point I have no idea)
What if they combined to form VOLTRON!
Goats Kordatar - July 22, 2011 12:50 PM (GMT)
Then Fox would get distracted and ruin it.
What if the Dissonance critter had a name of some sort?
CrowTRobot - July 22, 2011 05:24 PM (GMT)
The earth would fracture as the lord of the 7th circle comes forth, plummeting humanity into millennia of pain and destruction. Or maybe the characters of Dissonance would call the critter by that name. One of the two.
What if gravity could be reversed?
Goats Kordatar - July 23, 2011 01:05 PM (GMT)
- I tripped on my shoelace
- And I fell up-
- Up to the roof tops
- Up over the mountains.
- Up where the colors
- Blend into the sounds.
- But it got me so dizzy
- When I looked around,
- I got sick to my stomach
- And I threw down!
What if we gave Rae a Point of View Gun?
Wonderdummy - July 23, 2011 01:44 PM (GMT)
She would start off on a
long short and perilous effortless trek to rule the world. You're right, this comic is hilarious. How could I not have seen it before, I do owe you $50. How.. but... erk... I guess you ARE who I should vote for in the next election for emperor of everything... and I guess it would be a good idea that we elect an emperor of everything for life, but just this once.
What if you were framed for the theft of the most valuable jewel in the world, the Diamond-Encrusted Diamond?
Goats Kordatar - July 24, 2011 03:58 AM (GMT)
I would point out that I couldn't have stolen it; because a diamond encrusted diamond is a....diamond....
Therefore, someone made it up to try and frame me.
|How.. but... erk... I guess you ARE who I should vote for in the next election for emperor of everything... and I guess it would be a good idea that we elect an emperor of everything for life, but just this once.|
The Emperor of 42... I like the sound of that!
El Nerdo Loco - July 24, 2011 08:39 AM (GMT)
|QUOTE (Goats Kordatar @ Jul 23 2011, 08:58 PM)|
| The Emperor of 42... I like the sound of that! |
I guess I should take this as a what if? There would be a king and queen of 21, three viceroys of 14, and these would be little more than figureheads in the hitchhiker nobility while real power is held by the parliament of lesser factors. Adams was British after all.
What if ToeJam and Earl were still culturally relevant?
Death Drak - July 24, 2011 10:02 PM (GMT)
Then I would understand what you are even talking about.
What if you had an idiotic twin to blame everything on?
Wonderdummy - July 24, 2011 11:33 PM (GMT)
Then I could get away with murder. Quite possibly even literally. Maybe I'd run for president!
Goats Kordatar - July 25, 2011 12:47 PM (GMT)
What if you had asked a question?
CaptainOzo - July 25, 2011 07:31 PM (GMT)
Then he wouldn't have me beat his face in.
What if jellybeans grew little arms and legs and became sentient?
Goats Kordatar - July 28, 2011 10:45 PM (GMT)
They would see humans as gods, worshiping us and offering us their children and elderly as sacrifices, lest we simply eat them all.
What if I had been named Sheep?
Luemas - July 29, 2011 05:15 PM (GMT)
Then that would be BAAad news.
(Oh you saw it coming)
What if people weren't people?
CaptainOzo - July 29, 2011 06:08 PM (GMT)
Then that would mean that Soylent Green is... is...
What if a dog ate Nyan Cat's Poptart?