D'Dareian Imperium, Ohaider

[Celis]

Hello everyone! Firstly I'd like to state that this region is obviously one of the best roleplaying regions in all of NS. Which is part of the reason I'd like to be admitted. I've been roleplaying on and off for the better part of five years. Most of said roleplays have occurred on various forums inconsequential to NationStates. That being said the amount of actual roleplays I've participated in on the NS forums is minimal. For the most part I've only dabbled in the various ways one can participate in this game, and it was only recently that I've really gotten excited about it. I've found a drive that's pushed me towards becoming a better writer, and to start establishing links with those that share this drive of mine.

To be perfectly honest I think that this reason would be the best place for that. I'd like to write with my betters, so that one day I might achieve the same level of ability that they already possess. I'm a fast learner and I'm already decent at writing, so it won't be very hard for me to get to such a place. I want a friendly community of writers that I can enjoy roleplaying with. Hopefully I'll get that chance here, but if not, perhaps I could still participate in some roleplays with some of you. As a last minute tid-bit I've been a part of the regions Azhukali, and Adrastos.



Here are some roleplaying examples of mine. The first link is of me writing under the guise of my puppet Feryx, the second New Celisia.
http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=110746
http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=110931

[Yohannes]

Nay.

[Crimmond]

Nay.

[Milograd]

Nay.

[The Kraven Reich]

an Aye from The Reich.

[Kylarnatia]

At present I cannot come to a decision, so I'm going to have to abstain.

[Emperor Pudu]

Aye

[Azura]

Aye.

[Anemos Major]

First and foremost, I'd like to allay any concerns that the 'bad blood' between Celis and my nation are of any relevance. Yes, it is true that there were a number of incidents that were deeply unpleasant for me involving Celis, but that was a while ago, and I think we've all come beyond that. As such, it's nothing to worry about; my opinion of Celis is unfettered by issues we've had in the past, since he's quite a different person now compared to what he was then.

Rather, the nay I'm going to put forward here is going to be submitted on the basis of the quality of RPing reflected in the examples provided by the applicant.

I mean, they look good. They look great, in fact, primarily because they reflect the RPing styles adopted by Azura, Jenrak and the late (?) Deus in particular; you can see that clearly enough in both the writing and the formatting, from the liberal use of italics to the header image used in the second example. On that basis, I was quite ready to vote 'yes'; however, I decided to read a bit more into the examples, and that's where it began to fall apart.

Let's start with the first example. In terms of construction, the writing tries to follow the styles adopted by the RPers listed above, but it's clumsy overall, with mistakes involving punctuation and placement of words (<The Daius species were feared respected, admired. Yet still seen as “alien”> - with a full stop instead of a comma before 'yet', it looks, reads and sounds awful) and the use of words themselves (<the best and most wildly known artists in all> - wildly known? Or widely?). As far as content is concerned, I refer to the fourth through to sixth paragraphs of the same example; yes, I understand you're trying to portray irrational behaviour and madness in your character, but the way you do it seems far, far too artificial and really fails to capture the nature of madness in a believable fashion, making it too irrational to be convincing.

Moving on to the second example, it's littered with similar issues. <And.. Without a doubt.. It has become an abomination. As any Shepard of his flock would know... The weak must be culled.> <that such action could have been adverted.> <It has started three months previous.. The Royal family has received a message from a distant and almost forgotten Celisian Colony. It was known as Neo Kracia.. At first it seemed as if all was going to be well. That a reunion of sorts would take place and Celisian pride would be sparked..> The formatting is great, really. The headings, the italics, all of it. But the content is lacking, and very much so.

You may accuse me of being a bit of a pedant, focusing on little things here and there. And to that, I say - yes, I am doing that. Because when it comes to the standard of writing expected in a region like Gholgoth, the minutiae are the factors by which you separate the skilled and the unskilled, the haves and the have-nots. Celis has improved since I last saw him, both in terms of personality (which I can no longer say I have any issues with) and quality of writing. But on the basis of the above, I'm going to have to say that the latter's improvement still isn't enough to warrant admittance into Gholgoth. Your sources of influence are all good ones, but you just don't have the ability to do justice to any of them; with a fair bit of improvement and individual inspiration, I'm sure that can change, but for now, we'll leave it at a nay.

EDIT: I understand, of course, that there're factors other than writing skill involved in the adjudication of an application. I'll leave those to the people who were present at the IRC interview.

[Black Century International]

Nay.

[Ikruchystan]

Aye

[Socorra]

If Celis likes this (hover over this text, come on you can do it, I know things are hard but come on, stay strong), I'm voting yes. If not, no.

[Kylarnatia]

After further thought, I've decided to vote Nay. I don't think you're fit for Gholgoth at this time.

[Ralk]

Aye.

[Azura]

Nay, but only for IC considerations at this time.