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Gholgoth is a military alliance based in the geographical region with its namesake for the game Nationstates ( NS ). Founded in 2005 by a various members of the Ministry, Gholgoth initially consisted of members of the APTO before slowly expanding. Over time the alliance became particularly well known throughout the roleplaying communities of Nationstates, and as of 2012 the region is a melting pot of both experienced and new roleplayers alike.
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- Gholgoth's Management
Colonel Anemos D:<
Member No.: 172
Joined: 29-February 12
First and foremost, I'd like to allay any concerns that the 'bad blood' between Celis and my nation are of any relevance. Yes, it is true that there were a number of incidents that were deeply unpleasant for me involving Celis, but that was a while ago, and I think we've all come beyond that. As such, it's nothing to worry about; my opinion of Celis is unfettered by issues we've had in the past, since he's quite a different person now compared to what he was then.
Rather, the nay I'm going to put forward here is going to be submitted on the basis of the quality of RPing reflected in the examples provided by the applicant.
I mean, they look good. They look great, in fact, primarily because they reflect the RPing styles adopted by Azura, Jenrak and the late (?) Deus in particular; you can see that clearly enough in both the writing and the formatting, from the liberal use of italics to the header image used in the second example. On that basis, I was quite ready to vote 'yes'; however, I decided to read a bit more into the examples, and that's where it began to fall apart.
Let's start with the first example. In terms of construction, the writing tries to follow the styles adopted by the RPers listed above, but it's clumsy overall, with mistakes involving punctuation and placement of words (<The Daius species were feared respected, admired. Yet still seen as “alien”> - with a full stop instead of a comma before 'yet', it looks, reads and sounds awful) and the use of words themselves (<the best and most wildly known artists in all> - wildly known? Or widely?). As far as content is concerned, I refer to the fourth through to sixth paragraphs of the same example; yes, I understand you're trying to portray irrational behaviour and madness in your character, but the way you do it seems far, far too artificial and really fails to capture the nature of madness in a believable fashion, making it too irrational to be convincing.
Moving on to the second example, it's littered with similar issues. <And.. Without a doubt.. It has become an abomination. As any Shepard of his flock would know... The weak must be culled.> <that such action could have been adverted.> <It has started three months previous.. The Royal family has received a message from a distant and almost forgotten Celisian Colony. It was known as Neo Kracia.. At first it seemed as if all was going to be well. That a reunion of sorts would take place and Celisian pride would be sparked..> The formatting is great, really. The headings, the italics, all of it. But the content is lacking, and very much so.
You may accuse me of being a bit of a pedant, focusing on little things here and there. And to that, I say - yes, I am doing that. Because when it comes to the standard of writing expected in a region like Gholgoth, the minutiae are the factors by which you separate the skilled and the unskilled, the haves and the have-nots. Celis has improved since I last saw him, both in terms of personality (which I can no longer say I have any issues with) and quality of writing. But on the basis of the above, I'm going to have to say that the latter's improvement still isn't enough to warrant admittance into Gholgoth. Your sources of influence are all good ones, but you just don't have the ability to do justice to any of them; with a fair bit of improvement and individual inspiration, I'm sure that can change, but for now, we'll leave it at a nay.
EDIT: I understand, of course, that there're factors other than writing skill involved in the adjudication of an application. I'll leave those to the people who were present at the IRC interview.