Description: I don't get them.
Protomay - May 27, 2009 05:26 PM (GMT)
You know how the Internet lets us meet people from all over the world, with similar interests to our own - sometimes even fall in love?
I don't know how it is in the way of a full grown-up person with the freedom to go visit their loved ones, but I am talking about the teenagers way with this amazing invention.
What bugs me about this, as this is practacly USELESS. Its useless, because this is a no-meet relationship. You can never touch the other, feel their wwarmth or even cuddle - like a real couple SHOULD do.
Not only that, Its practically impossible to meet your lover, and if you do, who said you could keep seeing each other?
Besides, some people have reasons for staying behind avatars and World of Warcraft characters... In their opinion.
And then comes the amazing break-up; OH HOW YOU LOVED HER ALTHOUGH ALL YOU DID WAS TEXT HER! OH HOW SHE WOULD'VE DIED FOR YOU [AND RESPAWNED]! But alas, it just WASN'T WORKING OUT.
OF COURSE it wasn't working out! These couples have nothing to share as other couples do, as normal couples can hear the other, touch the other and actually make those lovey-dovey hormones do their stuff.
And then all the broken-hearted duo do is sit on their butts and text the other friends whining that it would've worked out if they had met each other etc. etc., bringing all their friends to despair and sadness too.
And this was needed, WHY?! WHY hurt yourself and all your loved ones in the way for something that never actually did anything in the FIRST place?!
Can someone actually answer me this?
Big Boss - May 27, 2009 09:34 PM (GMT)
Nothing can replace the up close and personal part of a relationship, which is crucial to it working in the long term. You may be able to keep it going for a few weeks, months, even years, but the fact that all of your communication has been digital and not in physical proximity to one another begins to take a toll on both parties involved.
Afterall, the natural reason behind relationships in the first place is procreation, and without any sort of chance of that happening, the chances of a successful long term relationship are slim. It all effects us on a subconscious level, whether you want to admit it or not.
I am a man that has trouble maintaining online friendships, let alone serious relationships. Not too long ago, I discovered this first hand. I think both of us realized it wasn't going to work out, and after some time apart we ended it before things turned sour. I for one was glad both of us realized what was happening before things got out of hand. However, alot of these types of relationships don't end so easily, and they can get as ugly as physical world relationships, but in the end you were in only half of a relationship.
Trust becomes an even bigger issue when you're dealing with internet-only relationships. You can imagine any number of hurtful scenarios happening with your partner while you're not in communication (and even during), and quite simply, you'd have no way to prove otherwise. On the flipside, if your partner suspected you of cheating, it becomes even harder to prove your innocence. I don't think there's a bulletproof way of handling those scenarios.
All relationships require genuine work and effort to get them to function, and online-types require many more times the effort. I don't believe this generation, especially, can handle such work. And if people are dead set on persuing this, then I'd have to call into question their priorities- something is definately askew. We cannot have a functional society if EVERYTHING becomes digitized.
Raijin - May 27, 2009 11:04 PM (GMT)
I know several people who have met and dated online and that turned out quite well for them, some are even married now. Of course physical contact is an inevitable requirement. The way I see it, until an online relationship leads to a meeting in-person, it doesn't count. I tend to put less faith in online relationships for that reason, but I don't think they're impossible, and they're not a waste of time. Even if they live on opposite ends of the planet, two people can come together if they try hard enough. There's another MM fan I know that moved from the US to Canada to marry his online sweetheart there. So there's no reason to be completely cynical about it.
Vulcan - May 28, 2009 01:29 AM (GMT)
There was a point in my life where, because of circumstances beyond anybody's control as well as depression, I desperately tried to reach out. In retrospect, I'm compelled to speak of it as a simple phase where social alienation took its toll. The internet and the connections I made there became my life.
It was comforting, highly interactive. But little could change the real world, which kept turning as I walked the backdrop. At the time, I never noticed it. But all of it was an escape, and I know it. An unhealthy one, really. My ability to function at home was never good, but it deteriorated further against my own apathy. But as long as I was online, falling into a trance, I was safe.
Over four years later, things have changed. I'm physically active and I've made a number of close friends. Romantically, there is a guy in my life who I've known just longer than I've been reliant on the internet. Only now am I clear to finally build our relationship. Even one year earlier, not once would I have ever dared to ask him out. But life works when you don't expect it to.
Nothing that I've gone through in the past is suddenly voided. My addictions were a misdirected cry for human relation, that much I'm sure of. But I've learned a lot, and I'll never let anything go to waste. Whatever friendships I've had, whatever conflicts there have been, without them I would never be who I am today. And today might not be perfect, but for the first time in far too long, I'm genuinely happy.
I'm not a sneering punk about what good the internet brings, but our culture does not yet know the mechanisms and the impact it has on how members of the current and future generations will live their lives. At some point, we need to wake up and realize that the next wave of children need us to be there for them, to have our collective guidance established in formations to discourage all demerits to the quality of life. Without prior understandings to build off, they will become basementdwellers like many a socially awkward teen today.
The internet is merely an extension of social reality. We must not put all our stock into it and bury ourselves in pornography. Our interactions are real, and with the world catching onto the internet culture quicker than ever before, we shouldn't underestimate the impact it has. Albeit the further we all are logistically, the less immediate effects are becoming.
I guess my point is that we should all reach out, never just to a cache of suave avatars.
SpinningDemon - May 28, 2009 09:45 AM (GMT)
I think, as a dating tool, the internet is actually one of the best things to have hit the world. My boyfriend and I first met online (though we were not even interested in each other until months of RL friendship later) and my best friend has established a relationship with a girl from Calgary, and they are now in the process of moving in together. And, though we're not talking about romance anymore, I was able to meet 7 awesome friends (look at the site - who do you think I'm talking about?) who I've had the good fortune of actually meeting in person (for the most part) thanks to the internet.
I think the main problem with internet dating is that a lot of people, especially teenagers in the throes of infatuation, aren't aware of the implausibility of the relationship's future. You have to really be committed to getting things to work, and fully aware that given the medium, it probably won't.
That being said, the heart of the matter lies in the fact that the internet's greatest asset is that it helps people who are socially awkward/uncomfortable by giving them new methods of approach. Young gay teens who haven't fully come out of the closet (or just don't know how to go about flirting with the same sex), "geeks" who may have trouble finding local people who are interested in the same things they are, and people who face social or communicative disabilities can all benefit from internet dating. The paradox of the matter is that chances are, someone who is socially inexperienced is less likely to approach the relationship with the healthy and logical attitude needed to nurture it, which is why there's so much drama in ®E-lationships these days.
Letra - May 29, 2009 11:40 AM (GMT)
E-Relationships don't seem to be an entirely bad thing to me. I've made previous posts about one all to common peril of them, but be it just friends or something more, as long as you approach it realistically it can be a good thing. That said, I don't e-date. I see it work around me, I see it fail around me. Same as anything else.
I've posted recently about a friend who went through the common "Cut the S off she and you've got a more accurate description" scenario. One of "her" real life friends who was an "e-friend" of ours came clean about it after they had a falling out.
I have e-friends and "real life" friends. I value both of the groups, and I'm happy to have them. I'll admit I don't get out a whole lot. I've got my reasons, I'm sure a few people here have similar stories. Having someone to talk to when I fire up the computer does help. Knowing that even if you're alone, there can still be someone there. I do agree with Bossman up in an earlier post that when there is no physical contact within the relationship, it's going to fall apart. Doesn't mean you can't have friends though.
I suppose what I'm saying is that having friends, or even more serious relationships on the internet can be a great thing. As long as you know where you stand. Don't enter into a relationship you can't hold together. If e-dating, you want to at least hear the others voice within a month. Two at most. If you don't you know something is up. With friends, don't pressure them. I occasionally get sick of people asking me to buy a microphone to talk on ventrilo or something. I don't happen to be the most engaging person to talk to in voice some times, and I'm not going to spend money on a microphone to do what I'm already doing in a more bandwidth consuming manner [Screw you, Optus.]
Another side of the story is the people who aren't indoors by choice, but by situation. I know kids who care for other siblings or parents in the legal sense of the word, not just care about. They have family members with disabilities and need to stick around most the time. The internet can be a great way for them to still socialize, if only a little.
Regulus - June 2, 2009 02:13 AM (GMT)
The internet is a wonderful tool, and dating using the Internets is no exception, but there are certain dangers that come with it. Obviously, trust is the most major part of it, and that presents a problem to teens using the Internets for match-making, as they're inexperienced with life in general, much less the treachery associated with the world-wide web.
I'm the first to admit, I've fallen prey to giving too much trust over the Internet, and I paid a steep price for it. Of course, that allowed me an opportunity to rethink my life and see just how much I was relying on the Internet to provide me with relationships, and my life has only gotten better from that point on. I used to spend hours, sometimes the whole damn day at this monitor, waiting for that special someone to get on AIM. I can't describe in mere words what a relief it is to be free of that.
That brings me to my next point, that people can easily get addicted to the internet, and it's an ugly sight to behold. Dating someone on the internet makes it much harder to pull a youthful teen away from the hypnotic glow of the computer box and it really destroys their real life situation, which is infinitely more important. We're bipedal creatures with thumbs for a reason. When you don't get out and do something now and then, it corrupts mind and body. I've seen it happen and it's happened to me, and thank God I've kicked the habit. Of course, that's not to say that the Internet is a bad thing, it's just that the Internet, like everything else in life, requires personal responsibility with its use in order to fully reap its benefits.
And anybody who dates through WoW is fail and should sell their computer and I will not apologize to anyone offended by that statement.