Title: Need to vent again
General Cutman - September 20, 2007 10:11 PM (GMT)
Life's been pretty wild lately.
I have been feeling the need to move out into my own apartment as soon as I can, but its the same old situation. I'm held back financially, and I'm stuck in a rut at work. Within the past couple of weeks I got a new store manager, and the guy is a complete knob. I have nicknamed him "Bobblehead" due to his distinctive, animated speech pattern. It is NOT a term of endearment.
My health, in the past day, has taken a drastic nosedive. My right lung- the supposedly repaired one- seems to be the one breaking down in rapid fashion. This is a major problem, since my surgery was irreversable, and there's not a whole lot they can do to fix their botch except prescribe me more painkillers. I've been down that road before. I don't want to be that man again.
I've been doing my best to tough it out, but I haven't been able to do the more physical parts of my job. Which is bad, considering my entire job is physical labor. Keep in mind I did not apply for my current position in the company, as I had realized my physical limitations before even applying to that shithole.
I'm in a lot of pain. From what I've read, and from what I feel, my lung is tearing itself apart from the inside-out. The right side of my chest now bares a noticable indentation, and I'm sore through and through. I haven't taken so much as Tylonol since early 2006, but I'm so tempted. Its hard to sleep.
Speaking of which, I only sleep fours a night now. My awesome work schedual is 4am-1pm, effectively eliminating my already near-dead social life. I try to tough it out until around 11 at night since thats when everyone's online, but it comes at the cost of having a dragass day at work.
Last weekend, some asshole egged my car. Since this is the 9th time of such a thing happening in the past 3 years, I know is some cowardly piece of shit that has some petty, equally useless issue with me. And thsi time, he permanately ruined the paint on my door. I pray for him nightly. I pray that I never, ever find him. For his sake.
A shame for him, I'm far from religious.
If I ever do find out who he is, I'm going to jail within hours. If there is one thing I cannot stand in this world, its destruction of personal property without explaination. Hey, if you got a problem with me, take it up with me. Take a shot at me. Beat me. I'll take one, but don't expect to walk away the same as you were before. I aim to main, especially if I'm going to be on the losing end of a fight. I will not hesitate to pop a testicle, even if its "poor sportsmanship" or a "low blow".
So, with that abuse to my car suffered, I was pleasantly surprised to notice new damage to my car during my lunch break. Some moron backed into my car, ruining my front end. Too bad for this particular moron, I knew exactly who it was right off the bat.
I sped home and collected the evidence from my usual parking spot on the street; Black paint from my car. It was laying right behind my brother's car. The useless bastard came home at 2am after a night of partying (easy to do on a fucking Monday night when you collect Social Security at 20 years old and don't have a job to worry about. Or anything, really.), and didn't notice my car until it was too late. He didn't bother to inform anyone, though. He hoped I wouldn't notice.
I ran inside, screaming obscenities. I find him, already shaking since he knew what was up, saying soemthing to the effect of "I'll pay for it". A couple of punches to the jaw later and I had recieved my down payment. I have long been sick of this asshole's nonchalant disrespect towards everyone around him, and this further broke the bank in my eyes.
This broke a 9 month long silence I held with him, despite sharing a room with him. Truth is, I'm not on speaking terms with the vast majority of my family. Hence, my desire to move out ASAP, even without the funds to do so. I am unbearably depressed at this stage in life and don't see myself going anywhere any time soon. I'm stuck in such a rut in life that I can't see myself ever escaping it. All of my ambitions in life are melting away, and its taking everything to just get through the day.
I see people all around me being rewarded for doing the bare minimum. I am suffering for my company, hoping someone will notice me. Hoping soemone will recognize my hard work. All I'm getting is more hard work. I haven't recieved a raise since I started there, and I'm due for one as of 5 months ago. I'm told they delay reviews on purpose to avoid giving raises, which is illegal. A store that makes 25 million dollars a year can't afford to give me some sort of recognition for literally dying for them? Why? What did I do?
there's a man at the store who is a self professed "raging alcoholic". He was arrested for drunk driving two weeks ago and failed to report to work for two days. He was supposedly going to be warned for it, or even fired due to the fact he's shown up to work drunk in the past. He has the one job there that's I'd be able to do. And like.
Was he ever talked to about it? Well, unless you count light-hearted ribbing...No. They ignore the fact that he shit his pants on the job only 3 weeks ago and laughed about it. They all laughed about it.
They laughed at me when I spat up blood today. It was hilarious. I believe I'm in the beginning stages of pneumonia due to some negligent asshole showing up to work with it and insisting on describing his weekend to me in full detail and "how much having pneumonia sucks".
I'm not going to fight it. I'm not going to see a doctor. I'm just going to keep on working until I have to be picked up off the floor. Maybe they'll notice me then, when I curse them from some hospital death bed. Maybe they'll send some flowers my way. Maybe even a neat little "get well soon" card. That'd be nice of them.
I just don't give a shit. I'll probably end up surviving pneumonia for some fucking reason (I have a fairly strong immune system). I'll just suffer through it longer than I should.
Jesus, if I wasn't depressed before writing this...
Naoshi - September 20, 2007 11:20 PM (GMT)
Wow, that's really awful.
But I'm glad you taught that asshole (the one that abused your car) his lesson.
Regulus - September 20, 2007 11:28 PM (GMT)
That's terrible, General. It's bad enough with the health concerns and the dead-end work life, but on top of that some asshole targets your car? It seems like the world's gunning for you. I hope things pick up for you, General. You seemed pretty happy to me until you posted this rant. I wish there was more I could do for you than wish for you to get better. If it's of any consolation, I think everyone here at the very least respects you, if not admires you. I can't think of any suggestions because it looks like you've tried everything...
Lord Zymeth - September 20, 2007 11:38 PM (GMT)
Oh damn. There are no words for how much that sucks. I can't even begin to describe it. I'm not sure I understand all of the background behind your situation as it stands, but I'm sure there's a reason why you're not quitting and finding a better job. But really, I'd definately look into a trip to the hospital. It seems like a pain, and I'm sure the outlook looks dismal, but you might find yourself presently surprised. But, I am by no means a medical expert. All I can do is hope that some tidings of good fortune come your way, but that's only hoping.
But on the brighter side, just look around you. Look at the sheer tidalwave of creativity and community that you've inspired. I've never seen this level of art and writing before. You've easily doubled the grand total creative output of these forums since the time I got here. That, in the very least, is worth something. You've gathered quite a fan following here as well, I'm sure, myself amung them. My heart goes out to you.
Rebel40000 - September 20, 2007 11:49 PM (GMT)
Like Regulus said, if you had not made this post we probably would have gone assuming nothing was wrong. The internet truly can mask one's feelings at times, and this example shows just how strong it can be.
I would suggest getting checked on, however. The last thing any of us wants is for you to just drop like a fly at work. You have to remember, that even though the world can be a total b*tch sometimes and nothing seems fair ('cuz it ain't) that you've got people who consider you a good friend and also look up to you for some of the amazing stuff you do.
I'd have to say that I am one of them. You really do good.
Sean - September 21, 2007 02:05 AM (GMT)
Wow, like the rest I would of never really guessed.
I hope you manage to get either a better job or the raise/promotion you deserve at your current one. Also I agree with Rebel and you probably should get checked on. I don't think anyone here would ever want to hear that you ended up in the hospital after collapsing at work. I really hope things improve.
Zapper - September 21, 2007 02:41 AM (GMT)
I'm so sorry... I wish I could help you... But I'm not sure how... You'll always have here who love and care about you. You shoud really get that looked at... I don't want you to collapse or anything like that... none of us here do. We really care about you. I wish I could do something for you... *Hug*
Gauntlet101010 - September 21, 2007 03:31 AM (GMT)
Damn, I'm sorry to hear all this. There's no real good solutions. All I can say is hang in there and I'm, here for ya.
Naop - September 21, 2007 04:24 PM (GMT)
I don't know much about your situation, but I agree with the others... first things first, you need to pay attention to your health. It angers me that people with less than half of your talent are doing a lot better, it shouldn't be that way. But that's society, so before I make a rant of my own, I won't comment on it.
I can tell you about emancipation though... that's something that is worth the effort. I tell this to everyone who's considering taking the big step into that (sometimes) lonesome world. It may seem tough and unrewarding, but it isn't. When you work for it, the daily annoyances of a job can be overlooked to some extent, because being on your own is what I've found to be the closest thing to a concept of "freedom" in today's society. Specially when your situation at your family's home isn't very enjoyable.
In any case, emancipation or not, there has to be a better job for someone like you! Man, I've seen your art, your figures, your writing, your photoshop skills... that has to be worth a decent, less physical, job. I don't care what country you live in. (Over here, by the way, you'd at least be the boss of someone by now, hehe).
But before you can set higher goals for yourself, or make an extra effort to improve your situation, there's always the issue of health. Your body won't cope with your demands if you mistreat it.
Saturn Ballad - September 21, 2007 07:34 PM (GMT)
Woah. I hope that something lucky happens. Ande hopefully, you aren't unlucky.
(well, those were probably the worst words of comfort)
Mahajarah - September 21, 2007 10:20 PM (GMT)
1. Buy some Emergen-C. They're found in some health stores, and in some chain stores as well. These things help tremendously against deisise. You just have to sip them, I.E. Choke them down. (Not that expensive. Vitaman C dose 1000% daily recommended dose. A nuke for any infection.)
2. Find 2 or 3 greens you like, and eat the hell out of them. Mine is Spinage and certain kinds of brocolli. I sbstitute lettuce leaves with cut up raw spinage leaves. My health dramaticaly improved after that, and I lost some weight.
3. Megavitamens are your best freind when infection comes along. I recommend some that have Immune Respone or Vitamen b In it.
4. I know you don't want to go to a doctor, but If you happen too, ask about sleep apnea, or a breathing machine to use at night. This could help with your lung deterioration.
5. Exercise LIGHTLY. If you are sick, and you do nothing, you can get worse. A 5 minute walk, not even a fast aalk, can help this issue, and could help build lung endurance, which you may need if heaven forbid they need to remove a part of your lung. (( Which you'll live though. My grandmother did, and she has Thin blood, moung other things that complicate health and surgery option for that matter. ))
6. Dump the "Don't give a shit" attitude, and adopt a "Why the hell am I letting a small microscopic thing kick my ass? FUCK THAT." Attitude. Works about 60% percent of the time with me. If you stay in a low mood, you're body remains in a low state of immune response.
7. STOP...DRINKING...ENERGY DRINKS. ((Caps to signify major instruction.))
Energy drinks are overall bad for you. Some can lower immune response, some are depressants, and some can actually damage your liver. If by any chance you drink energy drinks, (FUZE Especially), Stop it. Now. I mean, right now. Toss the can On the floor. Don't hide it under your desk, I see you! ... There you go. and don't lick it up either!
This is what I can recommend to you. If you think you'll get enough exercise at work as it is, I'd ignore the 5th suggestion.
Note, these are just suggestions. You don't have to act on them, and you can certainly by all means shrug them off. But Even act on one, and you may feel a difference in no time.
Bassium! - September 26, 2007 12:15 AM (GMT)
Ok, well I will let you know two things, I don't agree with your method of violence but meh. And two I will be praying for you.
Corvid - September 26, 2007 01:21 AM (GMT)
I don't like using violence either, i don't think hitting him was the best course of action but had i been in The Generals shoes i bet i'd have done the same thing. By the sounds of things the camel's back was broken a long time ago and yet this kid keeps throwing more shit on there.
I don't really have anything brilliant to say but i will say that you need to try find a less strenuous job, you're a pretty damn smart guy so i'm sure you can find something that won't be so hazardous to your health.