Luke,I am your father

That's not a knife. THIS is a knife.

Put the Bunny... back in the box! (Con Air) :D

We're back, we're bad
He's black, I'm mad

there is always a way to do it better...find it!

and

genious is 1% inspiration and 99% persperation.



both are attributed to thomas a. edison

:joclyn:

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. :D

I see you!Nehahahahahah!

:|







"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

Stop laughing, this is serious



taken from a Stan Cross cartoon

Now why didn't that work?

sigh.

This is appropriate:


"Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department" :|


:rotfl:

:tomato: fixed.

Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy.






I know, I know... kind of deep for CF isn't it? :honestly:

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Let Go(d)




:D

Many many many... can't pick just one
I'll go with two...


"I reject reality and substitute my own." -Adam Savage of Mysthbusters
*and*
"Don't squat with your spurs on." -Unknown, got it form a BIG joke file from marina

My new fav:
A propeller is just a big fan in front of the airplane to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating!


Hey! PROCRASTINATORS UNITE! tomorrow...

I LOVE Mythbusters!

I can't remember the movie, but I've always loved this quote from a Schwarzenegger movie, just after he drops some twit over a cliff.

"Where's {character name}?" Pretty woman.
"I had to let him go" Arnie.

Arnold as Mr. Freeze from Batman 3:

"Ice to see you"


:|

"...for DEATH awaits you all, with nasty big pointy teeth." -Tim the Enchanter
and you cant say that without putting your fingers in front of your mouth...

[have sound clip of that... awaiting confirmation that i can upload files other than pics in the upload box below... it does say FILE]

"And what about the machine that goes 'PING!'?" - Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

"Generals gatherin' in their masses;
just like witches at black masses" -Black Sabbath, 'War Pigs'

one that I should keep in my sig:
"Never meddle in the affairs of a dragon for you are crispy and taste good with ketchup."

"Bad cop! No doughnut!"

"My karma ran over your dogma"

^ - bumper stickers

"I don't the world to see me;
'cause I don't think that they'd understand..." -GooGoo Dolls, 'Iris'

heard the karma dogma one...

two of the best ever... all apparently written in bathrooms!

If pro is the opppsite of con, what's the opposite of progress? Congress.
-Mens room, House of Representatives, D.C.

What are you looking up here for? The joke is in your hands!
-Unknown

ALWAYS REMEMBER! It's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?"

Also... ALWAYS REMEMBER! Pillage, BEFORE you burn.

ah yes, You, Are, How, High line... perfect for confusing frozen during chat

I thought you killed Frozen :|

only his mind... thus he is confusable...

Though I have committed cyber-cide. I'm still waiting on my sentence, but I do know it ends in three periods...

"Good guys don't wear white" - Minor Threat

okay, now I have to post that song :D

I'm a poor boy born in a rut
Some say my manners aint the best
Some of my friends made a whole lot of trouble
And some towns are better than the rest

But tell your momma and your papa
Sometimes good guys dont wear white

Everyday I work hard
At night I spend restless time
Those rich kids and all their lazy money
They can't hold a candle to mine

So tell your momma and your papa
Sometimes good guys dont wear white

Good guys, bad guys
Which is which?
The white collar worker
Or the digger of the ditch?
Man, who's to say who's the better man?
I'm doin the very best I can
Best I can

You thought I had a dirty mind
All those messed up chicks
Of the changing times
Love-filled and easy livin
Can't come close
To the love that I've given

So tell your momma and your papa
Sometimes good guys dont wear white
They don't wear white
They don't wear white
They don't wear white
They don't wear white

? never heard of it

favorite quotes from X-play, video game show...

"That's right kids, people are full of jam." -Morgan Webb

[commenting on game about movie from ten years ago, going on about REALLY old movie-book-inspired game concepts]
[eventually, Morgan suggests the "Deliverance Dating Sim"]
"I never want to play the Deliverance Dating Sim, but I bet it would sell like hotcakes! In Japan."- Adam Sessler

hosts Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb have disembodied voice do intros, and very funny intros at that...

I'm busy right now, so could somebody else introduce Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb.

They fired me YEARS ago, but I just like saying Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb.

Once again, two people who have no lives WHATSOEVER! It's Adam Sessler and Morgon Webb.

[then some guy sent email with intro ideas, but butchered the names]

When the aliens come, we'll sacrifice Adam Seslar and Morgon Webb.

I'm being held captive by Adam Seslar and Morgon Webb.

[they made sure to insult him a lot]
[they make sure to insult games a lot too]
[like Myst 4, they liked it, but i agree on the "puzzles being too hard" point]
[i should stop typing like this]

"You must cut down the largest tree in the forest... WITH.... a herring!" -NI! [cue uprise in music]

saw this one on a poster in the computer lab in 5th grade...

To err is human. To really screw things up requires a computer.

"Computers don't make mistakes, it's always in the programming"
- Michael Chrichton, 'Terminal Man'

If debugging is the process of removing bugs from a program, then programming must be the process of putting them in. -Another joke file

Bumper stickers:

I brake or no apparent reason

If you dont' like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Four out of five voices in my head say "kill!"

like that last one

thought of this as a bumper sticker

"I brake for galaxy hitchhikers."

here's one that I've seen before:

5/3 people don't get fractions

saw this one on Mythbusters last night

"80 pounds of explosives, 23 idiots, and one crash-test dummy"

apparently some ancient Chinese astrologer was the first into space by strapping 42 little rockets to his chair... they did that, and had one with I-grade motors... both went sideways and Buster lost a leg...

"Good guys don't wear white"

Buster's been destroyed so many times

"When all else fails, scream and run around in circles." -Myself
try it in a game... it actually works!

"*elevator music plays*"
- IamCK

good for a laugh while waiting for ore to respond

ore?

"Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads. Eat them up, yum." -some song

It is actually a song, I just haven't found all the words to it yet.

yes, ore, as in Gold ore

"The Dread Pirate Robberts has come for your souls!"
-The Princess Bride

Andre the giant was a pretty neat guy.

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you." -File #82

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried." -Forget which file

"If at first you DO succeed, no one realizes how hard it was." -Avalon

"If you think no one cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." -File 82

sux having so many freaking joke files... need to start work on organizing them...