CIJ-'12- Get My Fashion On!

[PrincessAvariella]

I am so sick & bloody tired of wearing Uncle Crimbo's Hobo Threads for every Crimbo Event!! ESPECIALLY CRIMBO IN JULY!! This is soooo two years in a row I've had to do that. LAME!

SO I need you guys to get me some rockin' holiday threads!



ENTRY#1

Red-and-Green Cape of the Funnel Spyder

No, this isn't a tiny Crimbo fashion accessory for a drunken venomous arachnid. It's a giant circular tarp that hangs off the back of the most awesome and yet inexplicably misspelled sportscar in the world. It is festive though. And fast. If James Bond only gave up driving those Asten Martins, he'd love this car - but he might get pulled over for DUI.

Initiative +15%
Item Drop +5%
Additional +5% to olives and gin



ENTRY#2

Hat: Crimbo Hat
Shirt: Cane-Mail Shirt
Back: Toy Jet Pack
Pants: Crimbo pants
Accessory 1: Lucky Crimbo tiki necklace
Accessory 2: Tiny Plastic Uncle Crimbo
Accessory 3: Tiny Plastic Crimbo Elf
Off-Hand: Spirit of Crimbo
Weapon: Tropical Crimbo Sword



ENTRY#3

Weapon (2 handed flail): Jingle Bell Rock
Description: The old elf that makes all the crappy toys pumps out another winner. This "toy" appears to just be a club that has large gold painted rocks tied to it (don't you judge him, he fought in the war for you).



ENTRY#4

Crimbo Beach Towel

This peppermint-scented red and green beach towel just screams Crimbo, or at least it would if you ever got a chance to wear it!

Type: Pants
Power: 70
Moxie Required: 30

Outfit: Summer Santa Suit (3 items)
(Outfit Bonus: Combat Initiative +10%, Serious Hot Resistance (+3))

Enchantment:

Combat Initiative +5%
Slight Hot Resistance (+1)



ENTRY#5

An outfit that spreads Crimbo cheer like only you could? I got just the things.

Item:
Wrapping Paper Dress
Description:
This is a dress artfully crafted out of leftover Crimbo wrapping paper and tied in the back with a large, red bow. It's as thrifty as it is fashionable, so only wear it on special occasions.
Type: Pants
Power: 150
Moxie Required:150
Cannot be traded or discarded
Enchanment:
Crimbo Wrapping

Crimbo Wrapping description:
I'm sure with a few alterations, a tuck here, a cut there, you can easily use some leftover paper from your dress to wrap some gifts.

Allows you to send gifts for free up to 10 times a day.

Item 2:
Gift-Giving Cap
Description:
This is a cap that goes on the amount of gifts you can give. Wait, no, this is a cap that's imbued with the cheer of Crimbo.
Type:Hat
Power:150
Moxie Required:60
Cannot be traded or discarded
Enchanment:
Uncapped
Uncapped Description:
You giving has reached dangerous levels. Best raise your cap and remove it from your eyes.

Allows the sending of 500 gifts per day.



ENTRY#6

You acquire an item: Festive Crimbo Tinsel

This is a long strip of Crimbo tinsel, colored green, red, silver and gold. It shimmers! It shines! It smells! Like peppermint, I mean. Looks like someone had a few too many schnapps shots and pulled it off your festive Crimbo tree. Maybe you could wear it as a...

Can be equipped as a hat, a shirt or an off hand item

As a hat-
You wrap the Festive Tinsel around your head, but it keeps falling off. Luckily, you find a sprig of mistletoe to fasten the ends of your shiny headband. You're like the Rambo of Crimbo! Crambo! The only downside is all these extra kisses. Ugh.

Muscle +20
Monster level +10
Monsters will be more attracted to you

As a shirt-
After downing a little too much of the wassail and eggnog and schnapps the three beverages gang up and override your common sense. You rip off your shirt and wrap the Festive Tinsel around your torso. Now everyone will be aware of it! Hey, they're also loading you up with drinks to see what you'll do next. Score!

Moxie +20
Attacks have a 10% chance to stun monsters
+50% booze drops from monsters

As an off hand-
You can't think of anything creative to do with the length of Festive Tinsel, so you hold it lazily in one of your hands. It still looks pretty sweet, and it even makes everyone wonder what you're going to do with it. Now that you're the most mysterious person here, you'll get all the ladies! Only ladies though, because men hate mystery.

Mysticality +20
Delevels opponent by 2*player level
All monsters fought are female while equipped



ENTRY#7

Mother Crimbos Old Timey Hat
The Discarded Hat of the Mother of Crimbo, wife to the late Father Crimbo. This hat was her trademark all those years she spent with Father Crimbo. The Fact that it says Girl Power on it and seems to radiate a feeling cuddliness is probably nothing.

Type: Hat
Mysticality Required: 85
Outfit: Mother Crimbos
(3 items)

Cannot be traded or discarded

Enchantment:
Girl Power!
Holiday Time!
During the Holiday season, if your character is female, you receive:
+20% to All Stats
Gain an Extra 40 to your Gift Limit
+10 Adventures on Crimbo day since you deserve the rest..



ENTRY#8

Crimbo Candy Cane

This is a cane made of compressed Crimbo candies, not to be confused with a candy cane celebrating Crimbo. Although, in retrospect, the difference is negligible.

1-handed cane

Enchantment:
+5 physical damage
+10% spell damage



ENTRY#9

Crimbo tinsel sash

An unintentional accessory, this is the tinsel that stuck to your shirt while you were decorating the tree. You would remove it, but it seems to make teenage girls and their middle-aged mothers think you are dark, mysterious and immortal.

Type: accessory
Cannot be traded or discarded

Enchantment:
Moxie +15
Skill: Sexy Sparkle

Sexy Sparkle
MP: 10
Summons gaggle of desperate females that tramples your opponent for (12-15 or 35-55) damage, which just happens to the age ranges of your entourage.



ENTRY#10

The Commonwealth Cap

Blue and emblazoned with an unnecessarily large portrait of the Queen, this hat is a bit much, frankly. Seriously, it's kind of unsettling. When you follow behind someone wearing this hat, it's like following the Queen while she's walking backwards. She doesn't do that, so you can imagine how weird it is. But -- good news! -- no one will follow you while you wear it.

Type: hat
Power: 190
No stat requirement

Selling Price: 1,901 meat

Enchantment: Monsters will be less attracted to you



ENTRY#11(that's ridiculous. that's not even funny.)

Computerized Candy Crimbo Car
Much like the carrier pigeons of yore, this little confectionary contraption carries communiquĂ©s to other players for you allowing you to devote more time to your drunken holiday revelry. Just be careful you send it to, itâs edible after all.
Type: accessory
Cannot be traded or discarded
Enchantment:
Disables the Package Limit
Combat Initiative +5%

NOTE: You may not equip more than one of these at a time.



ENTRY#12

Image: [link] http://images.kingdomofloathing.com/itemimages/wreath.gif -- plus holly berries and animated so that it sparkles much like a Baio or a plexi item does

Gilded Holly Wreath

Man, you've seen a lot of wreaths in your lifetime, but not one that /i/radiates/i/ Crimbo cheer. This particular wreath is small enough to go around your head, and when light shines on it, you can just faintly see a halo floating above it. The leaves seem to be solid gold, and there is a fine mist of .. something ... constantly coming off of it. You suspect that this was the hat that Father Crimbo owned during the height of Crimbo happiness.

It /i/reeks/i/ of cheap beer and coal.

Type: hat
Power: 200
Mysticality Required: 80
Outfit: Crimbo Cheer (1 item)
Cannot be discarded

Enchantment:
Intrinstic Effect: Crimbo Cheer
+5 to Familiar Weight (+1 to Minstrel Level if in Avatar of Boris)
-20% Combat Initiative
Recover 8-10 HP per Combat

-------------------- -----------------
Image: a Christmas tree, sparkling with lights, surrounded by mists

Crimbo Cheer

The magic is strong stuff. Just putting on that wreath crown has made you feel floaty and happy. All you want to do is give things to little kids. Hey wait, isn't that what Chester does?

+100% Meat Drops
-10% Item Drops
+20% to All Stats
+3 Mysticality Stats per Combat

Not in Item Description but hidden effect: After-combat text

A little kid in a funny red pointed hat runs up to you, asking if you're Santa. Feeling giddy from that wreath hat, you reply "yes! Ho, ho ho!" and give him/her [randomized per combat] X meat. (X is 50% of the 100% extra Meat you just won.)

-------

Outfit:

Makes your avatar the same as Uncle Crimbo

Tattoo: the same as the image of the Wreath, only larger

Halloween candy: candy cane

----
Notes on the description

( ) or [ ] isn't actually part of the description, just notes on extra stuff
/i/text/i/ means that the text is italicized



ENTRY#14

Crimb-Possible Jetpack

Back Item

People keep saying they want one thing or another for Crimbo. Well they are always wrong. They all want a fully functional jetpack. And this is one of them! To be honest I almost bought it for myself but then I thought "Who is the most generous person I know? Well it has to be the Princess. I have to be the most generous so by giving this as a Crimbo in July gift I WILL be the most generous!"

Enchantment:
+10% chance to dodge non-element attacks
Name's Bond (+10% to all stats)
Jetpack Awesomeness (empowers Crimbo items, might grant access to old Crimbo town up to 2 times per day)

At every one of a few different subzones there is a chance a message reading "After killing <monster> and looting its body, you notice it is starting to rise. Not wanting to fight again, you fly your jetpack away from where you came."
Message gives you Jetpack Fuel (max 2 per day)

Using it randomly places one of the Crimbo Towns at the MTNS. You can only spend 10 adventures there. You can buy only ONE item from the food/booze shops there per visit. At adventurable zones, drops are normal (Untradeable items do not drop)



ENTRY#15

Musical Snowflakes:

This is a cloak made of dancing singing snowflakes.

Type: back item


Enchantment:
Is it Crimbo Yet?

Is It Crimbo Yet?:

Misticallity +100
You gain MP and HP based on how many crimbo related items you have on.



ENTRY#16

Okay I could talk this up, gush have you twirl all that flash and sizzle. But I think that this entry needs none of that. In fact if this entry does not make you read it, and go, "Yes. I want that" then I will refrain from entering anymore of the Crimbo-in-July festivities as a self-imposed penalty for so badly misreading you. Anyway! Enough of that.

Custom Avatar- Flowered Microphone
(Hat/ Onhand)

The purpose is dual:
The item I see for you is a simple, elegant hairpin. A 'hat'. Molded in the shape of a pretty flower. Wearing it gives your avatar wings. Gauzy fairy wings, and adds a small shadow under the feet of your avatar to indicate flight.

A fairy, granting crimbo wishes.

The other function of the item is one I think that you'll really get behind though. When chosen as either an offhand, or a mainhand it is seen in your avatar's hand as a microphone.

Now when equipped this way, it gives you the power to bypass package limits, as well as halving the costs of all packages above one thousand meat, and reducing the cost of all plain brown wrappers, less than 3, and exactly 3 shaped packages to 0 meat. This item is not equippable in Hardcore or Ronin. However it is a free pull, because of its other unique feature.

-Once per day: You may [use] this item and cast the buff -Honorary DJ- on another account. This has all the above effects regarding packages and gifts.

Duration: One adventure. Is neither stackable nor extendable.


Not tradable
Smashes to Candycaine powder

Is treated as 'fists of fury, forehead of fury, feet of fury" when equipped while adventuring.



ENTRY#17

Outfit Set (Peanutty Phoibles)

Shirt
Peppermint Patty Shirt

This plain white shirt has a pretty white and red peppermint patty printed on the phront. Err, sorry, on the front. It reminds you of wintery times, delicious peppermint treats, and peanuts for some reason.
(Second paragraph during any month except December)
The back is a bit of a disappointment, though, some kind of scraggly blob of brown and green. It's vaguely a tree, maybe. But it's the worst tree ever.
(During December)
The back has a slightly off looking crimbo tree. It's weird, it's full of potential, like all it needs is a little love to be better than it is now. The warm feelings of crimbo just make it even better.

+5% to all stats
Additional +10% to all stats in December



ENTRY#18

Uncle Crimbo's magic sack of junk
Type: Back Item
Myst Required: 200
cannot be discarded or traded

Enchantment:
On Critical: Drops stuffers! (stuffer list as per bindlestocking, once per combat)
+20% myst

This large red bulging....bag, appears very full. There is obviously a large backlog of gifts, probably because crimbo only comes twice a year. Despite that when you hoist it over your shoulder onto your back, you realize it is completely weightless.


once per day you can use the sack and pull out any item that contains more items.

You reach into your sack and feel around a bit. Your hand bumps something hard and you pull it out revealing

<an item>
Mer-kin thingpouches, penultimate fantasy chests, large and small boxes, rockfish stomachs, and the like. Even pressies, albeit at a rate similar to ultra rares.

It's a crimbo miracle! Better not let anyone see you do that though. They might send you all of Uncle Crimbo's undelivered mail.

(There is a small chance that on use the following will happen)

You hear a beeping and an impatient tapping behind you. You turn around and are face to face with a rather stern looking man in a blue suit. We've been looking for you for a long time. You have only just asked his name when the truck approaching from the side begins to dump a horrible maelstrom of mail upon your noggin. Under the avalanche of hopeful missives you hear a muffled "Norman, Norman Mailerman"

(the chance starts at 1%, and increased by 10% for each consecutive day you use the bag. Once this happens, the chance resets)

You lose all your hit points
You acquire an effect: Beaten up (10)
You acquire an effect: Postalanche!(30 turns)

You have been buried under an enormous pile of mail. Somehow you can still move, albeit slowly, and you don't feel particularly confident either. You are however furious.
-100% moxie
-1000% initiative
Every opponent hit is critical
+500% weapon damage



ENTRY#19

Crimbo Tree backpack

This is a backpack in the shape of a Crimbo tree. Whether you're a VIP or not, you can now take your personal Crimbo tree with you. It might feel a little spiky at first (do you even notice if you're not aware of your torso?), but the fresh scent of needles, walnuts and gingerbread, and the musical sound of baubles bouncing against each other as you walk, make you feel all happy inside. And you can keep all the underpants you got last Crimbo inside the backpack!

Be careful to not get it stolen.

Type: back item
Mysticality required: 75
Cannot be traded or discarded

Enchantment:
+10% Item Drops from Monsters
Serious Cold Resistance (+3)
You're a Hedgehog

NOTE: This item cannot be equipped without Hot Resistance (the candles are lit, you see).

____________

Grants combat skill: Piercing Needles (5MP), usable once per combat

You turn your back at your opponent and charge. Confused and stunned by the lack of presents under the Crimbo tree, your enemy is unable to evade. The needles do X damage! ZOT! BAM! BARF! TWINGE!

You notice a weird guy with a green face in a fluffy costume in the distance. (Happens 20% of the time, causes a free scaling fight to occur 3-5 adventures later if you still have the tree equipped)

____________

You're fighting a Grinch.

This dude just tried to rip your tree off your back, but you evade.

Hit Message(s):

He eats a shard of glass, then spits it at you. You take X damage. Oof! Ouch! Argh!

He produces a gift and hands it to you. As you open it, it explodes! Oof! Ouch! Argh!

Fumble Message:

He tries to lift a sleigh filled with gifts to throw it at you, but it drops on his head!

Miss Message:

He makes a joke about one of his classmates, but you're not his classmate.



ENTRY#20

Crimbotastic Snowcycle

Here's the first ever true motorcycle made of snow! It's got an engine, a gas tank, wheels, and everything! Disclaimer: For display purposes only. May fall apart completely if any attempts are made to actually ride. Store only in sub-zero environments.

Type: Usable

When Used:

You attempt to ride the Snowcycle, but as you hop atop your new bike, you feel a sinking feeling.
Ignoring this, you rev the engine, whereupon the Snowcycle falls apart.

Weeping over your loss, you dig through the wreckage for anything to salvage. Finding a few broken parts and a lot of snow, you decide to try and use the snow and parts to make a few things of holiday spirit:

You acquire an item: Crimbo Helmet
You acquire an item: Crimbo Angel Wings
You acquire an item: Crimbo Shoes

Crimbo Helmet

This is your old motorcycle helmet, just caked with snow and some pine needles. Putting it on makes you feel much cooler.

Type: Hat
Enchantment:
+10 Moxie
Slight Hot Resistance

Crimbo Angel Wings

These are just a few pine branches coated with snow taped to your back with duct tape. What can't duct tape do?

Type: Back Item
Enchantment:
+3 to all Stats
+5 Cold Damage

Crimbo Shoes

These are the old pair of shoes you had on while you rode your Snowcycle. They are now covered with snow, making your feet numb. Hopefully you don't get hypothermia. Well, at least you don't feel as much pain.

Type: Accessory
Enchantment:
Lose 1 HP per Adventure
Damage Reduction 60



ENTRY#21

You aquire an item: flashing crimbo reinder pin.

This is a plastic crimbo reindeer, with a red flashing LED nose, which can be pinned to your shirt. When you push the nose, it also makes sleigh bell sounds. People hate you when you wear this button, for your over-exhuberent crimbo spirit.

Type: Accessory
Cannot be discarded

Enchantment:
+3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped
People hate you.

Note: You may not equip more than one of these at a time.

[PrincessAvariella]

WINNERS TO FOLLOW 25 hours of broadcast requires sleep!

[PrincessAvariella]

And the winners!

Honourable Mention: Tiny Plastic Crimbo Boss Series (Big Candy, Crimbomination, Don Crimbo, Mr. Mination, Scream Queen, Uncle Crimbo)


#4- gumpy13
#12- MYstibALLs
#14- TheGreatReferencer
#20- TheHolic



Runner-Up: CRIMBCO Employee Handbooks 1-5


#11- heterochromia



4th Place Winner: Arboreal Raiment Gear


#6- malq



3rd Place Winner: Tropical Crimbo Duds


#7- powerturtle



2nd Place Winner: Bow Tux Duds


#19- franz1



1st Place Winner: Pile of Loose Snow


#21- vega



Grand Prize Winner: Small Crimbo Pressie


#5- EmphalerFish