Story can be found here.

I see what you mean by Angey regressing in her writing. My God, she writes like someone who doesn't speak English.

\

Huh? A shirt that...wrapped around her neck? The hell? Does that mean she's got a scarf? Or is she wearing her shirt like a scarf and is running around in her bra? I have no idea what Angey's talking about.

Their "compartments"? Seriously? They're called SHEATHs, Angey, SHEATHS! Oh, well: it's not as bad as when Angey called Legolas's quiver a "bag".

Yes. :sick:

HISPANIC STYLE? What? Do all Hispanics live in the same kind of living room?

WINDOW/DOOR?! My God, is she serious?! It's a FRENCH WINDOW! Or a GLASS DOOR! You'd think with how often she describes furnishings, she'd know the words for them!

It's called a COFFEE TABLE, you goddamn moron! A COFFEE TABLE! Every time I think Angey can't get any dumber, I'm shocked all over again.

OTTOMAN! Or HASSOCK!

I think you get the picture. Nice job on this MST so far.

Good Jonas, Angey's like the guy in Flowers in Algernon...

That's as annoying as Melody's lisp.

Calm down, Raistlin. Angey just can't form possessives to save her life.

Try telling Angey that. Rosa originally took in a freakin' TIGER! Who was absolutely docile.

I forgot where, so it may no longer exist, but I once yelled at her reviewers for letting Angey treat them like complete morons. Give your readers some credit--they can put two and two together.

Of course, Angey can't...

Cue the music!

Wait, wait, wait. Earlier, Angey called her a "toddler." Angey still doesn't know anything about children. Toddler covers the ages of 1 though 3. Emily is a kindergartener, she is a "child." They are not synonyms, Angey!

WHY?

IS IT?

ALWAYS LEATHER?

That's nothing new. Remember how I figured out Mama Duchess had her first kid when she was younger than 10?

Good MST. Oh dear. I've been seriously considering sending an open letter to Angey now that it seems she accepts anonymous reviews.

Thanks for the reviews!

Jules

There is the picture in the profile. It's a halterneck. In respect to that...

You might be onto something. OK, I had to check it on wiki, but every American teenager should know what a halterneck is. Or Australian, for that matter.

And they didn't even have sheats in the first place. They would be difficult to make back then, since blade is forked.

The worst of all, it hasn't got a single Spanish-style element. And did you notice the impossible arrangement of furniture?

Though everything pales in comparison to "wooden fireplace".

Mac

Oh, they are new to this. They will learn.

Hmm...but they are reviewers who like Angey's work. Perhaps they actually need it.

After calling eight-years old an infant, it's hardly surprising. I was sleepy, so I missed quite a few opportunities. It's so bad, I cannot register everything on the first reading.

But OF COURSE. Leather is not only "sexay" it also means one wearing it is "tough" and "cool".
(Is feeling like a hypocrite due to actually being a proud owner of a leather coat and jacket. Not that I'd ever wear full leather outfit.)

Write it if you want, but I doubt it would accomplish anything. Though if it is shown on review page, it might be appreciated by people who check reviews before immersing themselves in the story.

Oh, it happened to me too. Either my reviewers found something or I would find something upon a second read.

Also, I give Angey some credit. She was actually calling Melody an "enfant" which is the French word for child. She just misspelled it per usual.

While that might be true, I know Angey's types of reviewers. They will immediately jump up and defend Angey's writing and not accept that they are reading crap. So then the possible reader doesn't know who is right--the so-called "flamer" or the loyal fans?

I may write the open letter, but post it on my blog instead.

Personally, I start reading a story first. If it seems to be going in a "suspicious" direction, I check the reviews. If there are a lot of negative reviews, AND flames are gramatically correct, I tend to skip to the latest chapter, and then give it up if it doesn't seem to offer much improvement.

Sometimes, like with The Serpent Trilogy, it was a bit difficult because it has some supporters among people who write decent fanfics. In the end, I decided I couldn't ignore the outcry of fans for slandering some of the characters. But it was a personal opinion.

Or Adelaide, who had one negative review for the whole trilogy (before I started the MST).

Besides, you wouldn't be flaming, would you? IMHO, a review that explains why story is bad, even without containing any positive feedback, is not a flame. It is negative, but it goes beyond "u shld die n rite no moar". I tend to associate the latter with revenge flaming, rather than actual criticism.

That might be a better solution. Pity it can't be posted on an actual story archive. The more people read it, the better.

I do much of the same. If there are also many misspelled positive reviews, I tend to backtrack as well. If they can't spell properly or use text speak, what does it say about their tastes?

Technically no. What you have written is actually true. However, the majority of those posting fanfictions are idiots who think ANY negative review is a flame. I addressed this on my blog.

Well, I will post it here (the actual post, not the link). I also have a link to the blog in my Fanfiction.net bio. I could send her the link in an anonymous review if I so chose. Then it would be up to her and her readers to click it.

And let me guess, she feels right at home, is not bothered by lack of modern conveniences or lack of female rights?

That's Angey for ya. Though I shall admit, I've never heard of him either, but that's because I've never read Sherlock, or watched the movie. My classic detective knowledge stops at Hercule Poirot.

And it is called... MARY SUE!

We never are.

To be honest, I don't really care.

I'm surprised she can even think!

Promise to knock me KO if he starts rapping?

Well, this IS Angey we're talking about...

Alaina is speshul!

That would be common sense, which Angey and her sues completely lack.

SHE DID NOT JUST NAME IT AFTER THE RHINO-ISH REPTILE-ISH MOUNTS FROM WORLD OF WARCRAFT, DID SHE?!

She's a bitch like that.

I like Kodo already!

I would not be surprised, actually.

I thought she died?

I like your way of thinking, Helen!

Aah, nothing beats a healthy dose of sarcasm.

This calls for a lolcat!

Next you'll tell me she stole Excalibur fromKing Arthur.

She's making this quite easy for us, no?

It does.

This calls for the big guns!

I doubt Angey knows who Escher is.

I wouldn't have minded if it had been lightning that struck them...

WE HAVE NONE LEFT!

Awesome spork, typically terrible Angey fic. I see what you mean when you said she's growing worse. It's so bad it's hilarious. But still bad.

Haven't gotten that far, but doubtless she will be. Of course, ther might be an antagonist insisting she isn't acting like a proper lady, but I doubt that movie has much to do with nobility.

That's all right. For those with knowledge of Holmes, when one thinks "Holmes antagonist" one thinks "Moriarty". Hell, he was mentioned in the movie, but she probably skipped it. Apparently, he will appear in the sequel.

I think her accent is more likely a pathetic attempt at Cockney. But it fails. Spectacularly.

Hmm, possible. She used the outfit from Resident Evil, after all.

NONE AT ALL!

Thanks for the review!

She must've taken lessons from Aurora.

Oh. My. God. We've always given her flack for "casting" her stories. However, she has never actually mentioned it in the story like this before. This...This is a new low.

As we always say with Suethors--the movie is the be all, end all.

The fuck? It's your story! That's part of the mystery then--you don't have to tell us you're not going to give us the information just yet. Though that doesn't help your character NOT be a Sue--she knows what's going to happen.

And if she took lessons from Aurora, it would mean the kidnappers would have Emily for quite some time.

The former? Nah. The latter? Most likely.

Did she mention why there are no parents in the picture? Why can't they just send her back to them?

If you need, I have the number for a therapist who deals with badfic induced psychosis.

Good job! I have a feeling it's going to get worse and my open letter to Angey is going to get less coherent.

I agree with Mac in that Angey mentioning her "cast list" in this chapter is a new low for her. But I have to add that the entire chapter is a new low for her. At least she didn't break the fourth wall when her previous Sues fell into their different movies, but this time? Why, she just has a literal fanfiction goddess with collagen injections TELL Alaina and Emily that they're needed in the movie and send them there! And she makes no attempt to hide or even explain why the two Sues are falling into a movie! She isn't even attempting to incorporate her Sues into the canon this time. Her explanations basically amount to: "Sherlock Holmes dies because I...I mean, Sakai...says so! Irene is absent because Sakai says so! Holmes needs Alaina's help because Sakai says so!" It's the biggest insult to her readers' intelligence she's used so far.

And "Sakai"? Why the hell would a woman with a Japanese name be the goddess or deus ex machina of a fandom that takes place in Victorian England? Hell, why is a WOMAN in charge of the fandom when the stories in question were written by a MAN? I know the 2009 movie is a gigantic slap in the face to canon (and I know this even though I've only seen the BBC Sherlock Holmes), but this stupid woman still sticks out like a sore thumb in the setting. It's like putting Will Smith in Lord of the Rings or Paris Hilton in a Jane Austen movie. Angey could have at least put her in Victorian clothes or given her an English name.

Read "Two Hearts, One Soul," Fingon; this is nothing new for Angey. In her special mind, dogs are more important than human children.

Nice one!

AAAAAAAAHHHHH! THE PIGEONS ARE BACK! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Okay, stuoid name aside, Angey just created a potential fantasy world! She could develop it, fill it with her own characters...and yet instead of taking advantage of this opportunity, she chooses to ruin yet another fandom with her disgusting Sues and their stupid animal companions and their dumb little sisters/daughters/cousins/aunts? I guess it IS Angey, so it's a foregone conclusion she'll take the stupid, unoriginal way out.

I think Raistlin's right. I bet Angey thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Alaina had an owl? And a raccoon dog? And a raven? And a stoat?" and dumped all these animals into the story, even though their presence makes no sense and she can't even remember them all.

Angey's pretty much illiterate, Helen. It's been discussed over and over on a thousand different threads. In one review response, she proudly listed the authors whose masterworks she'd read, including Laura Ingalls Wilder, Beverly Cleary, C.S. Lewis, and E.B. White. Given that these are all children's authors, it's a safe bet that Angey hasn't read anything but fanfiction and fashion catalogs since fourth or fifth grade.

*groan* Oh, Christ, it's the "Legolas has to fall in love with Rosa or Middle-earth is DOOMED!" plot point all over again.

You catch on pretty quickly, Constantine. The kids in Angey's stories are never anything BUT kidnapper bait.

This might be Angey's worst story yet; I commend you for taking it on, Amarth. But just be glad it's the bad 2009 movie she's ruining and not the original stories or BBC TV version. You were right that the movies she chooses to ruin have been decreasing in quality over time. Next she'll probably tackle the "Transformers," "Last Airbender," and "Green Hornet" fandoms. And she's welcome to them.

Thanks for the reviews!

Mac

Duh. They are all different incarnations of same self-insert, after all.

I really hope that you are right.

Not for now. But I imagine there will be a tragic story sometime later.

Jules

I think Smith would adapt better. He'd at least find some appropriate clothes, no mather how ridiculous the'd look on him.
And Paris would be good for a minor role of simpering, mindless debutante. Just put her in a pretty dress and let her be herself.
Ergo, Angey loses to Paris.

Oh, I figured that out. What I meant is that if one really wanted to send someone to help Holmes, a person more familiar with matter would have been a better pick.

For now. I didn't dare read few of her newest "creations" yet.

But BBC TV version didn't have hott actors!
I assume you mean old 1965-1968 series. I fear I never saw them; I have read a few short stories before, and obtained complete works bound in one book which I haven't finished reading yet. Other than that, I've seen Granada's 1984-1994 series and Matt Frewer movies. And spinoffs like Young Holmes and Murder Rooms.

Well, she's decided to try Studio Ghibli now. Howl's Moving Castle I can get. But she choose Cat Returns as well. Where characters are magical talking cats which wear clothes and walk on two legs. Has she finally decided to come out of the closet with her animal fetish? Or is she going to make her love interest turn human in the end? After Mad Hatter, we can never be sure.

You wish. We all do. But it just doesn't happen!

Well, this is Angey...

A sue... *sigh*

You wish. It has long ago been established that Angey failed (badly) at Biology. Probably fell asleep during classes, too.

I think a few of my brain cells just died. GIVE THEM BACK, ANGEY! Lord, doesn't give girl have any common sense?! What if people don't know who Famke Janssen is (like me)?! Why should I have to go to your profile to read a fic, Angey? WHEN WILL YOU EVER FRiGGING LEARN?!

Angey: Who?

A worm swallowed by a demented goldfish is more intelligent than Angey and all her Sues combined.

Angey: READ?! Noes!!! I might, lyke, u know, LRN sumthin!

The short stories I used to write as a kid were better than this drivel... At least I didn't rely on profile pictures of actors.

I feel your pain. *pats on the back*

HOW MUCH MORE OF OUR INTELLIGENCE WILL YOU INSULT BEFORE YOU ARE SATISFIED, ANGEY?!

Isn't it funny how the greatest detectives (Holmes, Hercule Poirot...) are all socially awkward?

Unfortunately, you're 100% right, Helen.

Simply put: NO.

Helen, you're evil but awesome.

Is this the part where we run away screaming?

Great spork so far, Amarth! But like Jules and Mac have said, this is a new low for Angey. I feel my intelligence has been seriously insulted just by reading this shit. (Not your sporking, though!)

And this is what your birthday present is for. Have a glass and take a few deep breaths.
Actually, you might know her. She is the one who played Jean Grey in X-men.
And we know she will never learn.

Well, I imagine dedicating one's life to understanding how a criminal works tends to twist one's own psyche as well.
Though I wouldn't call Holmes socially awkward. He simply doesn't care for people after he's done solving their cases. Doyle compares him to Babbage's calculting machine, as far as humanity (complete lack thereof) goes. People actually like him, for some reason.

Thank you!

Yes!

Thanks for the review!

Gertrude: Were.

Angey's stopped writing throught in italics. Jonas, I never thought I'd miss:

"Talking"
Thoughs

Err, anyone remember the other one?

What were going for at the end?

No! Oh no! Please tell me she isn't going there!

Have you read "An Elf's Love" in any form? If so, you'd understand why this doesn't surprise me. At all.

Hey, they also apparently had nylon about twenty years earlier.

Yes. Yes, she does.

I believe they call that a "V-neck".

Why? Women's hair at this time in England was long. It would then be held back. The only reason for a woman to have short hair at this time would've been due to a factory accident. And even then, she would've worn scarves to cover it.

Of course! By the same manufacturer of the 19th century nylon.

Sounds like?

Because a dog is totally a good babysitter and junk. /Suethor thought

No, seriously. This is a running theme in her works. It's why I'm pretty sure Melody ends up in therapy when she's older.

I'm slightly confused. Is Minsc referring to balconies only being in noblemen's houses or crypts? Because many, many churches have crypts. I know here in NYC, St. Patrick's Cathedral has one underneath the altar. That's where we bury the deceased archbishops of the Archdiocese of New York.

Look, Watson, you're just going to have to give in and surrender to the inevitable truth like my great-uncle--a walker will be so much easier than two canes.

Interesting. Irish/Latino. Not unheard of--I had a classmate with the same heritages. But I'm not surprised she went with an Irish name. I think Angey is Irish herself.

But if I find out she's a Celtic Thunder fan and she tries anything, I'm getting Rena and we're going after her.

Shit! She's still doing this? There's another thing for the open letter.

Hey, Aragorn trusted Rosa and she did far less.

Wait, what? Does Angey realize how long early cameras took to take pictures? You had to remain absolutely still and wait several minutes for it took work.

Please. She told us Melody was eight in Two Hearts, One Soul but was only three feet, eight inches tall. Angey doesn't know how tall children are.

If by study abroad, they meant she traveled with family and visited places of culture and society and...no? Never mind then.

Holmes then turned to Watson. "Alert Bedlam. We need to bring her in, immediately," he said.

Good job, Amarth! Oh, how much worse can Angey get? I'd almost think she's a troll, but they thrive on bad reviews and drama.