Emmanuelle: The Reviews, I had a dream this fic would be...

...so different from this hell I'm reading.

Found here.

Okay, I never really saw the whole musical, but I just can't imagine Javert blowing the whistle like your average stupid cop in a comedy film. I'm not sure they even used whistles and nightsticks in France back then. Sabre seems more likely.

Javert is so hardcore, he thinks in official terminology.

This really sounds like a cop comedy.

Actually, wikiing name gave this result:

The truth will out.

Which wasn't really that short for that time.

Wasn't that "sexual healing"?
*ducks projectiles*
If I haven't met FrolloFreak, I would have been aghast at the thought that someone even wants to romance Javert.
(But wait, I met Raistlin-lusters even before...but he was at least good-looking once. And he is younger. The fact that authors of the series seem to be fond of him doesn't help the matters much.)
Anyway: lusting after say, Marius, I could get. Even Valjean. But what is so appealing about a sour old grape? (For we know that Frollo lusters lust not after book!Frollo, but Disney!Frollo.)
Let me guess: actor portraying Javert in whatever version of musical author saw was hot. Wonder how old Tippy is...

No drool or tongue hanging out, I presume?

Hey, don't diss Peach. It's not her fault game creators stick her into castles. Wait 'till she hits you a few times with her Go-Kart, and than say she's pathetic.
And then there is Western Show (sadly, in Japanese only) where she totally tells off both Mario and Koopa. And Luigi, too.

And now it's turned into a bodice ripper. Give me back the police comedy, author!

Despite having an E cup.

You know, faces of the most of dolls I saw are kinda creepy...

Yup, definitely in bodice-ripper now. *looks above*Though I guess heroine's name should have been telling enough.

Nah. No marble and peaches.

One, he is old enough to be. Two, since you are throwing yourself at him, that's kinda disturbing.

Actually, that's kind of natural reaction. Still, maybe not something to be brought up in a conversation.

Good job! And good luck with obviously incoming porn.

You're right; Javert wouldn't do something like this. Also, Javert does have a nightstick in the book, but not a whistle.

That's hilarious! I never heard that before! I guess that's the real reason why Tippy named her Sue Emmanuelle. And to think I thought she was naming her "Emmanuel" just to show how good and pure she was!

Plenty of fanbrats and fanwomen do. But to their credit (and I can't believe I'm giving them credit), musical!Javert is much more appealing than book!Javert. Moreover, a lot of actors who play Javert in the musical have gorgeous, even sexy voices, so I could see people falling in love with his voice and songs.

You hit the nail on the head. Most fanfic authors picture Philip Quast, who played Javert in the 10th Anniversary Concert. Google him sometime; he really is quite good-looking. And his voice...

Of course, once you read the book, you realize Javert is about as sexy as a dried-up walnut. Not only is he hideous (not deformed, like Erik, but just plain ugly), he's uneducated (and scorns education), a complete prude, and obsessed with his work to the exclusion of everything else. The only attractive part about book!Javert is his wit and sarcasm. Hugo actually compares him to a wolf pup that kills the other pups in the litter, or something. So he's not as horrible as Disney!Frollo, but he's still unappealing.

Sorry; she was the first character that popped into my head. Maybe I should have said "Bella Swan".

Just wait: it gets even more disturbing. Emmanuelle may be twenty, but she acts like she's about fifteen or sixteen.

Thanks. This was a pretty boring chapter; hopefully things will get more entertaining once the porn starts.

Oh God, Terrance Mann singing "Stars"...And then Norm Lewis from the 25th Anniversary special...

I kinda wanna see that.

Well, he stalked some guy for years because he broke parole, so just take it to the extreme like a Suethor is wont to do...

I wonder if she used the Marie Suzette generator?

But entirely the truth!

Poor thing had time to analyze her situation: she was a Mary Sue who had just been assaulted for the sole purpose of meeting the author's fantasy man.

Aww...*Hugs OBC CD*

Trust me, we're trying to figure that out as well.

Because he's a zealot patrolling the streets of Saint Michel every waking moment according to the Suethor?

Okay! Place your bets on what exactly the Sue has! Come on, come all!

1776 quotes are always a win!

CHESTERFIELD: Wait a second; aren’t they already speaking French? So why was “Mon Dieu” written out in French?

The same way Erik only used French for his endearments to Rora and Melody? Or how they had to explain what the French names they chose for their spawn meant to other French speakers?

Hey, Remus, you won!

Do you honestly think horror is up this Suethor's alley, Boris?

Though Emmanuelle could be a damsel in distress straight for one. Fortunately, she's dumb enough to be one of the first ones killed!

Good job, Jules! You found a...eww...one, for certain.

Yeah, I love Terrance Mann's voice too. Really enjoyed Norm Lewis's as well. I still think Philip Quast is my favorite, just because he was the first Javert I ever heard and I practically fell in love with him (this was before I knew about Javert's real character).

So do I! It would be the most unique superhero movie ever.

I own the OBC too! *hugs own OBC CD*. Overall I prefer the singers from the 10th Anniversary Concert (as if you couldn't have guessed), but Terrance Mann is great as Javert, and I love Judy Kuhn as Cosette and Michael Maguire as Enjolras.

Actually, that's probably the real explanation. I bet that's exactly what the Suethor thinks.

I know, right? That movie is just so quotable, and it's one of my favorite musicals.

Ah, yes; classic Suethor ignorance. But hey: at least this Suethor used the right French words and spelled them correctly.

So Remus guessed Generic Fever? Good job! Here, Remus, have some cookies and cake and Firewhiskey...*sends package to Mac's sporking crew*

Hey, horror's not really my thing either, but I'd totally see a horror movie where Emmanuelle is killed in the first ten minutes!

Thanks, Mac. Just wait 'til you see how...eww...it gets.

Ack! I hate it when I go into their minds.

It is highly quotable. My friends and I just quote it to each other sometimes.

He thanks you.

It's not my thing, but I was just watching Elisa review of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (the movie) over on That Guy With the Glasses and she was talking about the first girl usually killed in horror movies. And I realized Emmanuelle would totally be her.

Oh boy. Can't wait. In the meantime, we're going to wrestle the cookies away from Remus.

Good luck with that!

Another Jules14 MST! Complete with OOC Javert and a ridiculously clingy weepy immature Marie-Suzette! You have no idea how happy you've made me.

Thank you, Queen! It's nice to see you again, by the way. How have things been?

I'm good. I've actually been on here more than my posting would let on. I've been lurking about and reading stuff. How have you been?

I've been all right. What with going to grad school, I haven't had much time to update any MSTs, but I have been reading and reviewing. In addition, I was slacking off on Aoife in Wonderland, just because it was so dull.

And even better, that means no Taylor Swift!

Kinky.

*Imagines Javert saying it*

Well, he usually visits people to arrest them, so I guess it kind of makes sense...

SRSLY?
Maybe before he became a policeman?

Yep, self-flagellation goes under "M" part.
Though, truth be told, this is kind of IC.

Even Javert is not immune to mid-life crisis.

Oh, you went there.

Yeah, the set-up kind of reminds me of a song where a man comes to a bed-ridden girl in two succesive days, brings her roses on the second and then leads her to a river on third and kills her because

...it would be a shame to let her beauty wane with age.

Curious coincidences, huh?

She is! We still haven't seen her in proper sunlight, but I'm sure there will be sparkling involved.

Edward la femme indeed.

Which makes this...Bella!Javert?

And when they're through with you, you'll regret it.

And if his standard uniform is his best, he so doesn't have anything to wear.

Can you blame her? He probably holds the record for the longest time of being able to stand her presence. If she doesn't foist her off in him, she'll be stuck with her for the rest of her life.

Okay, I know he was repressing it for years...but this and the rest of the "unbearable arousal" scene sound like material for "Jizz in my pants 2". I'm surprised he didn't.

Great job!

Yes, that's an added bonus! But Samantha Barks really does have a great voice. Look for her on youtube, especially videos of her playing Eponine in the 25th Anniversary Concert.

Even better, imagine Javert saying it in an overdone fake Southern accent!

That's the only possible explanation, although Hugo strongly implied that Javert was a virgin.

Only kind of. In the book, Javert doesn't worry about sin as he does in the musical, because he's an atheist. He's obsessed with the law and bringing criminals to justice, but religion doesn't figure into his obsession. So I don't think he'd whip himself for lusting after a woman, but he'd try to get over it as fast as possible, since it would compromise his work.

I just imagined Javert dressing in loud colors, combing his hair to cover his bald spot, and driving around Paris on a motorcycle. I know: I have a very wild imagination.

That just makes this whole situation even creepier; I didn't think that was possible. What song is this, by the way?

I'm sure too. It'll be metaphorical sparkling, if not literal sparkling.

But going to the opera is just like going to the movies! People can wear anything they want, and all they need to do is buy tickets and popcorn and enjoy!

This made me laugh so hard. It's probably true!

Thanks! Believe it or not, the chapter's not over yet. It's just this site wouldn't let me post it all at once.

Just keep reminding yourself of that.

Not me.

Javert: Despite knowing you all of an afternoon, most of which you spent passed out.

*Same here*

We'll add him to our wall.

I'll even lend him Gandalf's pink underwear. It has to be more dignified than this.

And why do these Suethors think men can't control themselves? Between "Love Lives On" and this...I weep for the next generation.

Good job, Jules!

When I wrote that, I imagined Javert in a Hawaiian shirt driving a red convertible, so you aren't the only one.

The song's name was "Where wild roses grow". Look for original, with Kylie Minogue (don't worry, this is before she went disco) - it's creepier than any cover. ETA: Found it.

Too much text? I had that issue with Adelaide too. I even had to split next chapter in three parts.