Title: The Master Secret or Sian's New Team
Author: Siany-T
Rating: K, it's all good really
Genre: MST/Humour
Text it is based on: The Master Secret by TheyKeepKillingSuzie
Characters: Sian, Rally, Vally, M (The Master), The Elventh Doctor or Eleven as he shall now be known, Chekov, Sam Tyler, Fic!Master, Captain Jack H and Owen Harper
Summary: Rally, Vally and M have had enough and Sian's in for a surprise...
Warnings: Lack of capital letters, one of the weirder slash pairings from the Whonivese and generally just plain weird.

Sian sat up, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the light. Where was she? Last thing she remembered was being in the Tower with The Gang waiting for Jadis’s next assignment. Then everything went black.

“Hello. Jack? Ianto? Spock?” she called out, why was everywhere so light?

She heard a laugh, a laugh she knew all too well…

“Master? What…what are you doing here? What’s going on?” she called out into the light, still squinting at it’s brightness. She, wrongly, assumed that The Master was there for reasons she’d actually like and enjoy.

“We’re getting our revenge,” another voice said. Sian recognized that one too, The Valeyard.

“Vally? You’re here too,” Sian grinned, what he’d said not quite clicking with her at first as she assumed they needed a place to stay after a fall out with one of the other ‘evil villains’. Again, “wait. Revenge? What do you mean revenge?”

“You, and your little friends admittedly, have been humiliating us and laughing at our pain for far too long,” another voice said, Rassilon, “so we decided to get revenge. We chose you because you happened to be the name we pulled out of the hat.”

“Er, does Jadis know about this?” Sian said, standing up as she did so. She couldn’t see anything but light around her.

There was a pause, “Er… just get into the theatre and meet you’re fellow MSTers,” the Master said as the light faded over the one wall to reveal a set of swing doors.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Sian muttered, pushing through the doors and entering the theatre.

There were three other people sitting in there. One was a tall, skinny man with floppy brown hair and a bowtie. One was a brown haired man in a leather jacket who bore a striking resemblance to Ten’s regeneration of The Master. The final person was a younger, teenage looking boy in a yellow Starfleet uniform.

“Eleven! Sam! Chekov!” Sian exclaimed as she realized who each of the men were, “I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen. Oh and I'm Sian.”

“Hello, and what is about to happen?” Sam Tyler, the one in the leather jacket, asked. “Those men told us to wait for a girl to arrive and she’d explain everything to us.”

Sian sighed, trust them to leave it up to her to explain their predicament to the other captives, “It’s a long story, and let us hope the one to come isn’t, but basically a story will start soon and we have to spork it.”

“Spork it?” Eleven, the one in a bowtie, asked.

“Yep, joke about it, point out grammatical errors ect,” Sian said, looking apologetic, “You’ll soon pick it up. Very soon actually, it’s starting.”

The screen in front of them had flickered to life and the title appeared. Sian took a seat next to Chekov, the one in Starfleet uniform, and settled in.



The Master’s Secret

Sian: Now that’s interesting.
Eleven: How so?
Sian: He’s one of the one’s keeping us here. But don’t start now

"Ah, fancy bumping into you down here!" the Master laughed sarcastically.

Sian: You’re the one keeping us here!

Jack, chained up in the basement, shot him a dirty look. "Let me see the doctor, I have to know he's alright!"

Eleven: I’m alright
Sian: For now…

"He's old, hes wrinkled, and hes fine.

Sam: Is this what you mean about correct grammar? There should be apostrophe’s in those he’s.

But how are you, Jack?"

Chekov: He’s chained up. I doubt he’s doing well.

"what do you care, you've had me tied up down here for over 6 months, and i'm fed up."

Sian: So fed up I refuse to capitalize ‘I’

"Listen, Jack. I have a little surprise for you." The master smiled,


Sam: If the ‘Master’ is his name then M should be capital.

before getting interrupted by Jack.

"What surprise? What are you up to?"

Eleven: Something evil no doubt. He is the Master after all

"well... all in good time, Jack."

"Stop messing me about, Take me to see my doctor!" Jack demanded.

Sian: ooh, you’re his Doctor now?
Eleven: I don’t remember that being true.


"Oh, he's your doctor now is he?"

Eleven: No, No I am not!

"Mine, Martha's, Yours, Rose's, Gallifey's, the Queen mothers,

Sian: Mine!
*Eleven looks worried*

i don't care whose doctor you think he is, i want to see him!"

Chekov: And I refuse to use capitals until I do!

The master didnt even flinch at Jack's outburst.

Sam: But the apostrophe fled in terror

He simply rummaged through his pockets, sorted out 3 keys and began to release Jack.

"Well, im not taking you to the Doctor. But i will take you to my surprise"

Sian: Who wants to make bets on what it is?
Sam: Capital Letters
Eleven: Apostrophes
Chekov: An alternate universe where he knows everyone 10 or so years too soon
*Everyone else just looks at him*

"What is it, exactly?" Jack questioned, getting more and more frustrated.

Chekov: If he told you then it wouldn’t be a surprise!

"Follow me."

Jack followed the master

Sian: He could have at least attempted to escape. So what if he got shot, he’d just come back to life again!

through long corridors and eventually into what looked like the Masters office, where he had the shock of his life.

Sian: ELMO!

Infront of him, with his feet up on the desk, was non other than

Sam: The missing e.

Owen Harper.

"Captain! Long time no see." Owen said casually.

Chekov: If I saw my Keptin after a long time I’d be more than casual.

"Owen? W...what are you.... How... EH!" Jack stuttered.

Eleven: Jack’s more eloquent than that. Not much more but more.

"You haven't told him? you said you'd tell him."

Sian: And you’re not five yet you sound it!

"Sorry Owen, he wouldn't shut up about the Doctor. Didnt give me chance to tell him!"

"Tell me what?" Jack asked, with a puzzled look on his face."

Sam: There’s where some of the missing apostrophe have gone. Alert the Guv!

The master sighed and walked over to Owen. He put his arm around Owen and smiled at Jack.

Sian: Oh HELL no!

"About 7 months ago, i was in Cardiff, planning to take over the world.

Eleven: As you do.

I walked past a cafe, but had to go in there, as my attention was caught by a rather dashing young man sitting at a table alone."

Chekov: Is this going the way I think it’s going?
[B]Sian: Yep. Sorry about that.[/B]

"That would be me." Owen interrupted.

"Yes, and as i sat and talked to this dashing young man, i felt i didnt have to lie to him.

Sian (George Washington): Father, I cannot tell a lie; I cut the tree
Eleven: You know that’s a lie. It was actually me who cut it down.

All the Harold Saxon stuff wasn't needed, i told him everything about me, and he told me everything about him.

Sam: We didn’t need capital letters either.

About Torchwood, about you, about how he died, because of torchwood, and how he is the living dead, because of Torchwood.

Chekov: So this Torchwood, bad news huh.

7 months later, here we are, taking over the world."

"This is rediculous!

Sian: No it’s not. It’s ridiculous

Its insane! Its impossible!" Jack babbled. "And when you met own

Sian: Ahh a mini! Actually, I think Own is the name of Qwen’s baby.

in that cafe, you wasn't looking for me at all, its just coincidence!" Jack questioned.

Sam: He didn’t question. He stated.

"What can i say, small world's, ay Jack!" The Master giggled.

Eleven: The Master doesn’t giggle, he laughs like this *impersonates Delgado’s laugh*

"Small world, dead world."Owen added.

Sian *creepy ghost-girl voice*: We’re all dead here.

"Oh, and Happy 7 month anniversary" The master said smiling at Owen, and placed a small kiss on his forehead.

Chekov: I knew it was going there.

"No doubt it will be one to remember."

Sian: Unlike this story. Right it’s over. Let’s go and I’ll explain everything.


The four of them walked out of the swing doors to find a living room complete with two settees, a cluster of arm chairs, a plasma screen TV and several bookcases. There was a door opposite the theatre saying ‘Bedrooms’, one to the right saying ‘Kitchen’ and one to the left saying ‘Bathrooms’.

“Ok, so basically we’re stuck here, where ever here is, until such time as our captors see fit to release us. Or such time as Jadis decides to claim me back from them. We have to spork stories like the one we just read only very probably much worse,” Sian stopped to take a breath and looked at the faces of the three men. They all looked confused, “oh and our captors are Rassilon, the Valeyard and the Master. They’re doing this to punish me for laughing at them in their times of need. Or so they say. They are such wusses!”

“You’d have thought she’d have learnt,” Rassilon said, as the TV screen flickered on to show the three captors, “it was that attitude that got you here in the first place”

Sian rolled her eyes as the Valeyard took up talking, “so did you enjoy your first badfic?”

“It was very… bad,” Sian said, as a grin started to snake across her face, “Did you all decide on it?”

“Of course,” the Master replied, looking warily at the girl.

“Good. Then you won’t mind me saying that you and Owen make a great couple,” Sian said, her smirk growing.

“What? I thought we agreed not that one!” The Master said turning to the other two, “We agreed on… that other one.”

Rassilon and the Valeyard started laughing as the screen faded to black…