"Dawn of Thieves" album - song lyrics [REVIEW], review the songs here

The lyrics can be found here.

I welcome feedback very, very much!

Wheeeee! Refie posted them!!!

Me wanna feedback, too! ^^

Woah . . . that was amazing, guys. I'd have to say that 'Dawn of Thieves' and 'Crucified Dreams' were my favorites But I loved them all!!

okay, taking it one at a time here.

1: Dawn of Thieves:

Okay, that was pretty sweet. Not gonna lie.

Couple good things:
1) The opening stanza (is that what you call that for songs? I feel like I'm treating it like a poem) was a wonderful mood setter.
2) The chorus was fantastic and I loved the repetition.
3) The overall feeling of the song was pretty kick-arse. Awesome.

Couple questions/suggestions:
1) Maybe I'm thick, but what exactly does 'he throne of the earth is empty!' mean?
2) I don't think you need to say that they're reptiles. Your song describes them pretty well without having to say the actual word 'reptile'
3) The only thing that distracted me, and that my eyes keep going back to, is 'Their mother she gave them'. I don't think the she is necessary and it pulled me out of the song for a quick second.

Overall: Yeah, made of win mate. Made of Win.

2. Crucified Dreams

Wow. Very sad. Good, but sad.

Couple good things:
1) Loved the phrase 'mortal fantasy' not to overuse the word, but that's pretty epic.
2) This could go in either section, but the thing with the Mother... it's mysterious and we don't know what the Mother actually did. This could be made of win, or fall flat on face. Personally, I like it.
3) My favourite stanza was the second to the last. "I see the lonely cross..." It stood out, which is fantastic.

Couple questions/suggestions:
1) I'm not really digging the language choice for this one. I don't know if it was done on purpose, but it makes it sound old and I don't know if that's what you were going for. For example: "My sleep has been dark as of late. Eternal sadness now is my soul’s fate" I know you backwards it to get the rhyme, but it gives it a posh Victorian form which is distracting. Especially the word 'as of late' pushes it out and "Just how much longer ‘till I too die?" was also jarring in the language department. Don't think you need the 'too' there.
2) While the chorus is awesome, The word 'to' I do not think belongs in the following line from the chorus and kept hitting me on the head, so to speak. "All that there is left to me, Is hope that I can learn to cope"
3) I'm not really understanding this section, "At the horizon I see a lonely shadow
Thief to claim the world that’s hollow I know that he is your chosen one"

Overall: Yeah, pretty awesome too.

3. Simplicity

I loved this one the first time I read it.

Couple good things:
1) This is going to sound strange, but I love the title. It's so simplistic and awesome.
2) I LOVE the line 'How hard can it really be?' in the chorus. That's honestly made of win cos of the whole simplicity thing. It's so naive it's awesome.
3) 'dread in your heart' is a nice phrase as well. Very nice.

Couple questions/suggestions:
1) This bothered me the first time I read it and it popped out again this time as well. The word 'oh' in "It all is oh so complex and certainly not fair" is grating to me for some reason and doesn't seem to fit at all.
2) "time flies by" is one of those horrible cliches that always makes me go 'gah!' There has to be another way to express that sentence.
3) I wish this song were longer, actually. The second to the last stanza had me scratching my head a bit, not in confusion but in 'okay, I'll trust you in that... but you gotta show me...' maybe one more stanza. Why is it follow or die?

Overall: I rather love this song for the naivee quality. Way to go.

Thank you, Ari! I can only look forward to the rest! I need to go to bed soon, but I still wanna adress your points.

Well, it fits in the mythology or story I was going for with this song. Call it ridiculous, but this song can be about 2 things: the band (somewhat), or dinosaurs. It portrays the earth as it was 250 million years ago, when the great Permian extinction had just passed. 90% of all life died out. The dominating species died off. They "left their throne empty, vacant" so to speak. The Thieves talked about in this song can be seen as "Eoraptor", the oldest known dinosaur. I told you before that "Eoraptor" means "Thief of Dawn". So, yeah...

Maybe it's not needed, but it just fits so well in the way I imagine this part to be sung. A sort of epic chorus chanting these lines.

Eh, I'll be very honest, I did that so that sentence was about as long as the other ones. Otherwise you have a style-break that can interrupt the singing, I think.

I see this song as continuing the story that was started in "Dawn of Thieves", only this time, instead of the song being about the rise of the new rulers, the Thieves, this song is about the ancient rulers that are now dying out and have no more future. The Mother spoken of in these songs is simply Mother Nature or Mother Earth.

I think the rhyme is needed here in order to make the singing flow. I had to write these songs from both a lyrical aspect as well as a singing one. As for the "till I too die", the too is there to indicate that he's not the only one dying, and that others have died before him and that his turn is now approaching.

This again goes back to the "story" I had in mind behind this song. In "Dawn of Thieves", the Thieves appeared on the horizon, and the narator of this song sees the first of the Thieves approaching. The Thieves here being the Eoraptors, the first dinosaurs and the new rulers of the earth. The "Thief" is here to claim the world as his own, now that it's "hollow", there's no more life in it, all died out. He is "Mother Earth's" chosen one to rule the earth from now on.

I put the "oh" there to put a sarcastic spin on the question, but I guess it didn't work out well?

I'll have to think about that, as I felt satisfied with it the way it is...

Thanks Ari, much appreciated!

and again.

4. Once in a While

This is a pretty neat song. Love the message.

Couple good things:
1) I love the repetition, I could hear a beat developing in my mind. Very good.
2) The image of rising from the ashes is fantastic. I love phoenix references that don't actually use the word phoenix.
3) I really like the image of the world going on with whole new affairs. So true.

Couple questions/suggestions:
1) While the song itself is great and is very positive, there are no examples of how life comes crashing down on you. Maybe one or two examples thrown in somewhere... boyfriend break up? car broken down? Angry boss?
2) "It's not end of the world" you mean it's not THE end of the world, right? You're missing the 'the' in every line that has that.
3) The opening of the song is not that strong compared to the rest of the song. I really think that should be rewritten, and the 'people think' thing is a little 'meh'. But you're good at this, I'm sure you can think of something. Sorry I have no suggestions for WHAT you could do differently...I'll have to think on that and maybe edit this post or post again.

Overall: With a stronger start this song could be kick-arse. Really.

5. Don't Mind

okay, pretty neat. Like the concept.

Couple good things:
1) I don't think I've seen a song like this before. Pretty original, considering. Very nice.
2) Recycled dreams. That has to be my favourite two words in the whole song.
3) The chorus is pretty cool. Love it.

Couple questions/suggestions:
1) "We don't want nothing new" please, for the love of Eru, change that to 'anything new'. double negatives are scary. Ever hear the song that has the line 'we don't need no education'? I cry every time I hear it... my mum laughs at me.
2) "They're loved by crowd We learn from them And we are proud!" I'm sure you want it to stay with the crowd/proud rhyme, so how about a 'the' before crowd cos loved by crowd doesn't sound correct.
3) "How good, how bad?" I wasn't too keen on this as well. Can't explain it, though. I was thinking more "some good, some bad?" or along those lines.

Overall: Very interesting and original concept, which makes me laugh. Love it.

6. Road of Life

I like this concept! Very interesting idea, but I think you can take it to the next level.

Couple good things:
1) I love the chorus. Best part of the song.
2) I do like the phrase "Loving bliss, a magic night" even if at the moment I don't know what it means.
3) "There are times when I feel guilty There are things that I regret But you never liked self-pity Do I really have to fret?" very solid. Nice. Granted, there are no images but I think it works. (wouldn't work for a poem, but works for this song)

Couple suggestions/questions:

1) "All the people lie around me You're the one who did not lie All the people passed me blindly You were here as time went by." If you're going to use the repetition of the word 'lie' then you should repeat the blindness motif in the next two lines, me thinks. Personally, I'm not a big fan of the word 'lie' in the first line.
2) "Lonely stranger, world denied you Understanding and the Light" I don't know what this means. Specifically, I don't know what 'and the light' part of it means.
3) "‘Left’ is what I chose when going Does that mean your path was ‘right’?" This could be a lot stronger. I know what you're trying to say here, and it's coming through choppy. There has to be a better way to phrase this.

For now I'm just going to leave three suggestions there cos I'd like to get to the rest of the songs. But you mentioned that this was your worst one, so if you'd like we can go through it again line by line or something. I'd be more than willing to help. But I do like the concept! You two are coming up with the most interesting ideas for songs!

7. Tyrant King

Cool!

Couple good things:
1) Stories in songs rock. This song is epic.
2) "Every step was an earthquake" best line of the song. And very descriptive! Apply this same technique to your other songs!
3) I also like the image of the forever bloody jaws. Wicked.

Couple suggestions/questions:
1) "claws deadly" I know why you did that and I'm sure it'll sound great when sung, but keep an eye out for this, cos it doesn't look good in print nor does it flow.
2) "long and tall" are the same thing... is there a different word you could use in place of one of those words?
3) "Time flew and grow did his greed Reaching up to the heavens as well Stars finally heeded land’s need As the king let out a savage yell Might struck and done was the deed Crying out, as in the abyss he fell!" The fall of a tyrant should be a bit more epic... But wonderful start. Not too keen on 'might struck' as well.

Overall: Like I said before, stories in songs rock and are epic. I think it'll be even more epic with a bit of tweaking.

8. Fools Reaching for the Stars.

Again, what is it with you guys and awesome concepts! Brilliant!

Couple good things:
1) I like the use of the word ethereal. Don't often see that in songs. Bravo!
2) I love the stages of the main character. Plus, things in three work better me thinks.
3) "Soon his soul turned to dust" best line of the whole song. Awesome image.

couple suggestions/questions:
1) "That’s just bull" is very jarring and goes against the beauty of the song.
2) "He fell down on the ground" if you're going to use present tense, keep it present all the way through. Should be 'falls down on the ground' going by what else you've written.
3) "Walk the high plane of heavens?" maybe this can be a little bit different... not sure if it flows right with the song.

Overall: I really love this one and I think it's your best, Tio!

9. They Will Repent

I liked this one first time around, too.

Couple good things:
1) the chorus is very strong and I bet this will sound AWESOME when played.
2) "Blood spilled over the pages" very nice image! I love that one the best!
3) The repetition of What will happen to these sinners When the Day of Judgement comes?!" is very good as well. Creates your desired effect.

Couple suggestions/questions:
1) "Hey, listen, I study history" I think this could be a bit stronger. I'm not a big fan of the word 'listen' in there...
2) "Committing crimes ever stronger" "Will we allow crime to grow stronger?" You've got two separate references to crimes growing stronger. I think you should eliminate one.
3) can't think of a third suggestion or question at the mo. so I'll just say: Dude, this song rocks.

Overall: Yeah, this song is epic.

10. Our Solemn Promise

Like it. Awesome. Do Metal bands do songs like this? cos it's awesome.

couple good things:
1) "We took up the arms of steel and flew" coolest line ever. Wicked.
2) Okay, the forth stanza (the one where the above line comes from) is just plain awesome. I love "Our souls ablaze with newfound desire"
3) I do like the promise itself. Very nice.

Couple suggestions/questions:
1) "horrid crisis" doesn't seem to flow very well... maybe horrible instead?
2) "never extinguishable" that is very choppy... couldn't you just use 'inextinguishable'. I'm sure you used the word never for flow but as it stands (without music) it doesn't look all that good.
3) and agan, I cannot think of a third thing.

Overall: Nice way to finish an album! Love it!

Yayness!!! ^^ Squeeee!!!

Thanks This song is actually the only one with the music composed. At least, somewhat, 'cause my brother composed it on classic guitar, and it'll need serious remakes for sounding Metal. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to record it and send to Refie for approval, so... I've still got the chords, though ^^

Edit: DAMN IT! The forum ate the rest of my reply when I last tried to edit it It was a long detailed answer...

Oh well. I might rewrite it later. For now I say,

LUV YOU ARI!!! You're awsome And I eagerly await your suggestions. I've taken some of your points into consideration, and might soon change the songs

Okay, here's the rest of my reply:

Nah, I don't think that's nesessary. Anybody can think of their own examples of life crashing, and the exact ways it crashes don't really matter in this song.

Well, true, but it breaks the rhythm... I've been thinking about it, however. Will 'Not the end of the world' do instead?

Heh, I agree with you there, but I'll wait till you post suggestions. Oh, and better make them a separate post.

Yay! ^^ Thanks! ^^

The concept belongs to Refie

1) Really? What makes it special? ^^
2) Yep, I love that line, too
3) Chorus done by Refie, the verses are mine

Huh. That song is exactly the reason I wrote this line this way. Besides, I think double negatives are used quite frequently... What's with the, say, 'ain't no' construction?

Well, it's a matter of rhythm again here... Maybe articles seem unimportant to me 'cause I'm Russian, we don't have 'em.

If you can't explain, it might be a Russian thing again. Basically, this question is 'Is it good? Is it bad?'

This song is about critics ^^

Uhh.... Yeah. This song actually wasn't even meant to be a part of the Metal album. It was written one night when I was feeling wangsty, and finished on another night that also had a generally hard bad mood...

Thanks

That's 'cause it's a personal song based on a relationship. It's a memory.

^^ Glad you like it.

I think that it's fine as it is.

Again, it's personal... Really, if another band member has a song he/she wants to be sung, I'd gladly throw this one out.

True, but I actually tried to do a double-meaning here. 'Cause I left and still not 100% sure it was right.

Looking forward to see what you can come up with And I'm glad you like it.

Yayness ^^ Refie just wanted a song with 'star' or 'heaven' in it, gave me the title, and then BAM! ^^

Thanks ^^ That word just works for stars, me thinks ^^

Yep I wanted a story-song, so it's like 3 chapters.

Yeah, I love that one, too ^^ Just came to me ^^

Well, I tried to make a contrast with the previous line to show people's attitude to such things, as well as their crudeness. 'Cause I imagine this song to have a medival/fantasy setting, even though nothing in the song suggests that ^^"

Don't see present tense anywhere in that verse. Or do you mean the refrain after it? Nevertheless, it's not that big of a change, so I'll do it if you explain what you mean

As I said, contrast. Maybe I overexaggerated it, however.

Yay!!! ^^^ I think so, too.

Ari, yet again I cannot express how awsome you are for giving detailed reviews. Luv!