What the Heck? As It Should've Happened, Reviews and Suggestions

Ah. Figured it was something like that, since you didn't make the mistake elsewhere...

Oh dear. Isn't it nearly a year? Does it really need betaing? You are doing fine with the other parody and that LotR oneshot.

Yeah, it's been some time. I've been more concerned with her getting my Doctor Who stories back to me...but she was my LOTR purist safety net. If she approved, I knew it was good enough. I guess I could post it and see what happens.

If you really think you need to check it...but it's your call. If you don't feel comfortable with posting it, you don't have to.

Well, in a couple hours I'm going to post the final chapter of "Love Lives On..." And then I was debating if I also wanted to update "Did It Blow Your Mind, Claude Frollo?" this week as well. But I'll read the chapter over tomorrow to see if I'll post it Friday (because my next chapter of "Pride and Prejudice" won't be ready by then. I threw in another ball, so I had to go find more inappropriate dresses!).

Almost missed it!
You said you'd post it on Friday...I guess it was Friday for you. Damned time zones.

I'm really starting to root for Katelyn...she's even developing brains!

If you are ever unsure about canon details, feel free to ask. So far, no problems.

No, I think it was Saturday by then. I missed it by an hour, I think. Oops.

Oh yes she is.

Will do.

OH NO SHE DIDN'T.

(Did you absolutely have to trigger the Berserk Button?)

Still, Jessica's reactions were great. Kate might be a bit too sensible, but I guess it makes sense if she's the polar opposite...

Legolas snapping so easily at Jessica might be OOC. (Granted, his character is hardly fleshed out, but Elves in general are supposed to be patient and used to rash mortals. It would make more sense for Aragorn or Gimli to have that reaction in particular.)

Though I don't get why Jessica suddenly fainted. Was it an event in the original story? Caused by failure to fulfill her role?

And why would Kate ask Jessica to sing if she knew better?

Great job!

Sorry, but I had to think like the Sue. It was scary.

True, but think about it: Jessica has been most annoying on this trip. She thinks she's so great, tricked Boromir into letting her and her sister come on the trip, they think she's crazy and now she's insisting she can fight Orcs. Elves aren't perfect. They must have a breaking point.

Jessica does get knocked out in the original story.

And while we tend to get on writers' cases for using fainting, sometimes people faint. And she didn't suddenly faint. Jessica has had a lot of emotions running through her, she's pushing herself, she's already in shock....sometimes, people react by fainting. It only gets bad if the heroine faints for the sake of fainting or if it makes something easier. If it's used once (this is the only time Jessica faints) and at a reasonable moment, then it's not that bad.

At this point, Kate is not fully free of the "Creator." Also, we tend to go against our better judgments if it makes someone we care about feel better.

Thank you.

True. But Jessica's behaviour is hardly new. While I understand scolding, actually snapping at her felt a bit odd. *shrugs* Since there is not that much said about Elves in LotR, I guess the opinions will differ.

I don't mind fainting, when it's done for a reason. But it did feel a bit sudden here. While I understood fainting from shock when they arrived in ME, Jessica should have expected Boromir's death. Also, she feels a bit too self-centered - you know, it feels she didn't actually love Boromir, just the idea of being married to the handsome future Steward. Why should she get such an extreme emotional reaction? Bitching at people for not allowing her to help seems more IC for her so far.

Another thing that was confusing here is that they haven't acted like she just fainted. The way they were talking, it almost sounded like she was passing away for some reason. My first thought is that Jessica was fading away because she failed to fulfill her purpose. And then she wakes up like it was nothing. I used "fainted" just because I couldn't think of the better word at the time. The whole scene just didn't read as usual fainting - like they did when they arrived in ME.

ETA: Er...just read above "this is the only time Jessica faints". I could have sworn they both fainted when they realised they were in ME. Or was it just Kate?

Think of it like a hysterical pregnancy--a woman wants to be so pregnant and her belief causes her body to mimic the symptoms and signs of pregnancy. Jessica is so convinced that she actually loves Boromir, holding on to the self she is supposed to be, her mental state reflects that.

They have your thinking--it's not mentioned, but Legolas actually thinks she's faking it.

I think it was just Kate or Jessica got sick when she landed.

Okay, but she doesn't really act like that. She did sit down peacefully once Legolas dropped her off. A hysterical person hardly listens to others. If you mean it kicked in when she saw Boromir's body, she acts too calm once she wakes up.

Actually, I meant they were talking like she was on the verge of dying. Like I said, it really felt like something else was happening rather than just fainting from shock.

Then that's my fault. She's supposed to come off as numb and in shock, not compliant and being peaceful.

I don't know why. I would think they would be more panicky if she was dying rather than "Oh, give her time, she'll come out of it."

Either way, it's clear you think that passage didn't work. When I'm done with the story, I'll go back and see if I can improve it.