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All I Ever Learned From Anime
So i herd u liek Shee-knee-gah-me
Member No.: 88
Joined: 19-July 07
Because I don't want to torture Baku by forcing him to go somewhere else to read the list.
1. War sucks.
2. You CAN have too many women.
3. Smart people wear glasses.
4. Music foreshadows plot.
5. The less you care about sex, the more opportunities you'll get.
6. (Inversely, the harder you try, the less you'll get.)
7. When you die, make a long speech, and don't finish the last sentence.
8. Snow means love.
9. The best teams come in fives.
10. In space, you can hear everything.
11. There's always room for flashbacks!
12. When in China, listen to your tour guide.
13. The good guy always has the BLUE glow.
14. Speak quietly, pilot a big mech.
15. Believe in goddesses.
16. Teachers have excellent aim with small objects.
17. Vengeance with a mallet is the sweetest revenge of all.
18. Honor is sexy; villainy is irresistible.
19. Women are attracted to losers; men are attracted to ANYTHING.
20. The coolest weapon is still the sword.
21. The hero is never really mad until they hurt his girlfriend.
22. Female androids are sexy; male androids are....male androids.
23. The green-haired alien girl will always betray her people for the
man she loves.
24. School uniforms are cool only when the collar is open.
25. A show without sexual tension isn't worth watching.
26. Love knows no race, species, or logic.
27. If it's homemade but tastes bad, grin and bury it (discreetly).
28. Never trust a huge corporation.
29. Romance never comes simpler than in a triangle.
30. Never fall for the girl who names her mech with a French name.
31. Never fall in love with a psychic.
32. You can never have too much hair.
33. Sweating is a sure sign of stress.
34. Daydreaming leads to accidents.
35. Everyone wants to conquer Japan.
36. The cute, fuzzy creature isn't what it seems.
37. Cherry blossoms mean nostalgia.
38. Always take gravity into account.
39. Settings and faces are self-generating.
40. Losing your temper can be therapeutic.
41. There's nothing sexier than high heels on a mech.
42. You can never have too many subplots.
43. If she sings, she's doomed.
44. You always remember the sad endings.
45. Double suicide is romantic.
46. Outrageous vehicles only make the hero cooler.
47. Nothing delays romance like unruly neighbors.
48. Fancy ice cream is for girls only.
49. The most virtuous character will die.
50. Hot water has innumerable benefits.
51. No matter how much blood is lost, no one can die by a nosebleed.
52. (The same theory above applies to vomiting.)
53. The girl with the curly hair is always the seductress.
54. If a sister falls in love with her brother, somewhere down the line
you will discover that they're not blood related.
55. The guy in the baseball cap is always more powerful than he seems.
56. All demons/monsters have enormous genitalia.
57. All young children can pilot mecha, you just need to give them a few
58. It is possible to incorporate martial arts into any aspect of life.
59. All high school kids in Japan have parents that are away on extended
60. The oldest sister is the nice one, the youngest sister is the brash
61. You can do anything to the human body as long as you hit the right
62. Consuming enormous amounts of alcohol daily will never have ill
63. All major villains either want to take over the world or blow it up.
64. When someone paints up their face, they mean business.
65. Everyone in Japan has excellent singing voices.
66. No matter how many times you rebuild, Tokyo keeps getting destroyed
in a massive fireball.
67. The martial arts expert is always defenseless against a slap from
the girl who loves him.
68. TAKAHASHI'S LAW 1: Food is a powerful motivator.
69. When women are sent out to fight the bad guys, there's always a hunk
busily watching over them, often in secret.
70. The longer it takes to say what your punch is called, the less
effective it is.
71. "Baka" does not mean a student going for his baccalaureate degree.
72. The more possessive a woman gets, the less likely she will end up
with the man of her dreams.
73. TAKAHASHI'S LAW 2: The two-foot-tall old geezer is someone to be
74. No matter how big the mech/labor/mobile suit is, if it runs around
the corner, the guy chasing it loses the trail.
75. Extraterrestrials, demons, time travelers, etc. all want to alter the
course of history by letting Oda Nobunaga win.
76. The fate of the planet rests in the hands of the seemingly normal
high school student.
77. The heroine must shred her clothes while transforming into something
to fight the bad guys.
78. True evil can never be destroyed, only banished to some nether realm
where it awakes after a few hundred years.
79. TAKAHASHI'S LAW 3: When being hit on the head, it's the most natural
thing in the world to tuck your third and fourth fingers in while
keeping the others extended.
80. Even the bravest souls can be made weak and helpless by the sight of
a cute little puppy or kitten.
81. Never love a Gundam pilot: you're just destined for disappointment
(or a funeral).
82. All persons under the age of 50 can do a ten foot vertical jump from
a standing position.
83. Never trust a guy with shiny teeth.
84. ESP causes more trouble than it solves.
85. The vampire isn't _always_ the bad guy.
86. Nice things can come out of video stores that appear from nowhere.
87. Idiot captains win battles against impossible odds.
88. Order takeout at every opportunity--you might get lucky with a wrong
89. The police are never anywhere there is a large amount of property
90. All high school principals in Japan are clinically insane.
91. All people with esper powers give off multicolored auras.
92. Just about any outer space villain has his sights set on destroying
93. (in conjunction with #92) No other planet in the universe will be
able to stop said villain except the Earth.
94. Any character can make a leap of 300 ft or more if given a good
95. A samurai's sword can cut through anything.
96. All characters over the age of 60 shrink in height in direct
proportion to their age.
97. When uncovering a fabulous treasure, the thing will be large enough
to completely destroy any surrounding structures.
98. TAKAHASHI'S LAW #4: An anti-climax is a good climax.
99. Anime villains have the best deaths.
100. Any love interest will always be possesed by a demon.
101. Mallets can be stored anywhere on anybody.
102. If the anime has the word "idol" in the title, then you know that
it has to be good.
103. Takada Yumi really does sing that bad, and people still buy her
104. If you make enough porno movies, eventually you can get famous
enough to star in commercials.
105. There is no such thing as a public anime showing without heckling.
106. You can spot how popular a show is by looking at the number of H
doujinshi it has.
107. The smartest people on r.a.a. never post, which is why the
conference's overall IQ is so low.
108. If the lyrics to the OP song are printed on the screen, then you're
watching a show that's not for your age group.
109. The sexiest girls are drawn by artists whose last names start with
110. The English words in Jpop songs are put there only because they
sound good, since they don't make any sense with the rest of the lyrics.
111. If you post on the MLs more than Hitoshi does, then you probably
post too much.
112. The hero always looses the first fight with a new enemy.
113. And when he loses he always comes back stronger after training/power-up.
114. The guys with two earrings are from the Negaverse.
115. Don't trust the guys with two earrings.
116. Any truely evil person who changes sides for the woman he loves
will die in that episode.
117. You CAN do it, but only when it's funny or REALLY important.
118. You can never have too many carrots.
119. Hair comes in every shade of the rainbow - and we do mean pink,
purple, blue, green....
120. The song "Cry Me a River" takes on a whole new meaning.
121. Japanese pop music can make you become a better pilot.
122. If a hero doesn't already have a one-sided love interest, count on at least two other female characters vying for his affection.
123. Even if the hero dies in the first episode, he hasn't died.
124. There's always another level of Super Saiyan.
125. The evil older brother will turn good towards the end and either disappear or be killed by the main bad guy, die early, or get killed by the good brother.
126. The main character is from a linage of badasses, if it isnt outright apparent, expect it to come out 40 episodes later.
7th Division Vice Captain
Member No.: 73
Joined: 13-July 07
I was bored enough to read them all. And most of them sound about right XD
King of Plots =|:|
Member No.: 271
Joined: 20-January 08
I haven't read them all, but I read a number of them; and in case these two weren't already in there... I recommend the two following ones o_o
The only perverted females are lesbians (or at least read enough Yuri to make them seem as such).
Every other gundam-verse sucks. Gundam Wing (good), G Gundam (suck), Gundam Seed (good), Gundam 00 (suck).
Someone is not a mastermind on the battlefield unless they manage to not only come up with a strategy, but read their opponent's strategy, predict exactly what said opponent will do and render the entire opposition useless no matter how small the chance of such things happening were.
On that note, the more convoluted and complicated a plan is, the easier it is for the mastermind to figure out.
The man with the most convoluted and complicated plan always wins.
Nerd Rage wins wars (see Quatre, Gohan etc. etc. etc.).
Constipation means power.
Bald men are never the main characters.
In martial arts anime, bald men are never the badasses. (Master Roshi, Krillin, that little white prince type dude, that big bald white guy too and piccolo were all bald and all of them took a back-seat to the people with a full head of hair; possibly because they couldn't power up unless there was hair to be erect and turn gold). Even when Master Roshi competed in the world tournament of martial arts in DB back when he was a badass, he had hair. When he took his hair off, he was seemingly not badass anymore.
In anime with aliens or demons (or anything else inhuman but still intelligent), humans are worthless. They're always who the story influences most, but always the least capable of doing anything about it (see Blue Drop, Berserk, Inuyasha, DBZ, Bleach, etc. etc. etc.)
On that note, in such an anime there are no strong humans; only people who either started out as a human, lived as a human or mistakenly thought they were human only to eventually become/live as/discover they were one of these other species or a hybrid of human and said species (or a hybrid of multiple species).
If you cannot fight, you are boring and worthless to the story.
If you simply do not fight, when you do you are retardedly strong, no matter how out of practice/shape you are.
Exercise never damages your body, ever. Sure you wear enough weight to pound your ligaments into dust everytime you take a step, but oh no, that doesn't cause any kind of injury whatsoever.
Physique, strategy, speed, discipline, martial arts and land-scape are all utterly worthless in the face of Ki energy.
This post has been edited by Kokuyougan on Apr 22 2010, 11:14 AM
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