"Indian Island Tango", Ten Little Indians MEGA-SPOILERS!

[Korora]

Opinions expressed are Wargrave's, not mine.

To the tune of "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago

WARGRAVE:
[Spoken]
Nope!
Bea!
Clees!
Landor!
Twenty-One!
Cyril!

Nope!
Bea!
Clees!
Landor!
Twenty-One!
Cyril!

AGATHA CHRISTIE:
And now, Lawrence John Wargrave in his rendition of "Indian Island Tango."

WARGRAVE:
Nope!
Bea!
Clees!
Landor!
Twenty-One!
Cyril!
[4x]

[Sung]
They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They only had themselves to blame!
If you'd have been there
If you'd have known it
I know that you would have done the same!

[Spoken]
Nope!
Bea!
Clees!
Landor!
Twenty-One!
Cyril!

You know how murder cannot always be proven? Take Thomas and Ethel Rogers. This old lady was in their life. No, not their life, CARE. So she took ill this one night and the Rogerses were greedy and looking for a little dinero and there's the medicine in the cabinet. So Tom told his wife "Let's go get help instead." And they did. When they returned, the old lady was dead… I drugged her and split his head.

[Sung]
They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They only had themselves to blame!
If you'd have been there
If you'd have known it
I know that you would have done the same!

[Spoken]
I heard of Emily Brent from an indignant lady about two years ago. And she told me the whole story about her desperate servant girl. Beatrice had had a lapse in judgement at the wrong time of the month. She got pregnant, Miss Brent threw her out, and word is broke her spirit. And then she despaired. Miss Brent drove her to suicide. One of those Puritans, you know. So on ten August I stole the doctor's syringe. You know, some gals just can't hold their cyanide.

[Sung]
She had it coming!
She had it coming!
She took a flower in her prime!
And then she used her
And she abused her
I did a murder, but not a crime!

[Spoken]
Now, on the operating table, operatin' on a patient, Doctor Edward Armstrong was drunk. And in came the Grim Reaper, and Louisa Clees left with him. While it scared him cold sober, the deed had been done. So I tricked him, and we staged my death. Then he went off the cliff. Off the cliff into the sea.

[Sung]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have known it
I know that you would have done the same!

[Spoken]
I knew of Blore's case because both of our professions pertained to the Law. He sent Landor to prison where he quickly died. I told him that Mrs. Owen had some rare jewels and he entered my trap. I let him go mad with Lombard and Vera and then on the final day, I dropped a clock on his head.

Yeah, did Landor do it? Uh-uh, not guilty!

Phillip Lombard was an adventurer who was in Africa some years back, when he used to travel round the world. Now, he was not alone on this trip; he had twenty-one natives with him. Well the food ran out, and he bailed out and he left those men to starve in the jungle. So when he came to Indian Island, I set him way far down on the list, letting him suffer, until he ran out of time and Blore lay dead on the porch. Lombard and Vera went down to the sea and there's Armstrong's body floating on the tide. It had been for some hours. Well, they thought they were the only two left and so each thought the other was U. N. Owen. Vera shot him in the heart. He never knew what hit him.

[Sung]
He had it coming!
He had it coming!
He had it coming all along!
I know I done it.
Although I done it,
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

He had it coming!
He had it coming!
He took some people in their prime!
And then he used them
And he abused them
I did a murder, but not a crime!

[Spoken]
Hugo Hamilton loved Vera Claythorne, his nephew Cyril's governess. She was a real kindly girl… sweet… loving. But Cyril stood between him and his fortune. Vera wanted Hugo rich and told Cyril to swim a dangerous current. She was acquitted by the coroner but Hugo knew and he dumped her. I guess you could say Hugo and I perceived her differently. He saw her as alive and I saw her as dead.

[Sung]
How could she have done such a thing?
How could she have done such a thing?

They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They had it coming all along!
See how they used them
How they abused them!
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They only had themselves to blame!
If you'd have been there
If you'd have known it
I know that you would have done the same!

[Spoken]
"Let's go get help instead."
And then she despaired.
The sea.
Landor did not do it.
He left them all to starve in the jungle.
Perceived her differently.

Nope!
Bea!
Clees!
Landor!
Twenty-One!
Cyril!

[Fleet Admiral Connor Grey]

Ha ha, would you believe that I was actually looking for Chicago in my CDs just now?

Very, very clever, nicely adapted to the story (now that I remember it). Excellent job, Korora, I enjoyed!