Description: of yoruself by yourself
bethmonster - May 24, 2009 08:00 PM (GMT)
Warning: this is kind of boring:
Sadly, for the past four or so years I turned off my brain. I dropped out of school a few times because I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career, and skipping class to smoke weed/hang out with my "friends" was more important to me. I didn't put my heart into anything I did, and I let a man control my entire life. Now that i'm over and done with that part of my life, and i'm moving on to better things, i just get aggravated that i let society dictate my lifestyle for that long without questioning anything about it whatsoever.
Basically, what i'm saying is that i'm going through a big change in my life. (I'm going to say that Operation Ivy and Minor Threat have a big deal with this self discovery/ change in lifestyle.) Everything is changing for the better. Instead of sitting around complaining that i'm bored, I actually go out and do things. I stopped drinking and smoking weed and cigarettes, and i'm more physically fit than i've been in 10 years because I skateboard and bike instead of driving around my city. I've been keeping up with the news and reading books about punks and their philosophies. That has made me come to the conclusion that almost exactly what I believe about religion/polotics is a widely-accepted and practiced lifestyle, and that makes me feel less alone and retarded.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever gone through something like this. It's scary because i'm not depressed, and my anxiety has gotten a little worse because I feel like i'm just waiting for the sadness to return, but I don't think it will, and if it does it won't be as severe as it was a few years to a few months ago. If any of you have, how did you deal with it?
Fenian - May 24, 2009 08:31 PM (GMT)
Good on you. Self improvement is never easy, but it's the best project you can take on. I decided to make some changes a few months back - I won't go into why, or all the things I did, because the explanations are long and boring - and I am glad I did. Some changes were easy, some were hard, some have stuck, some haven't, but even with those changes that didn't necessarily work out, at least I can look back and say I gave it a shot. Perhaps the same experience will happen for you.
Oh! And don't let anyone talk you out of changes you want to make. I say that because there will always be people who want to talk you out of even trying something different, even if it's for the best. Beware!
bethmonster - May 24, 2009 09:10 PM (GMT)
I know all about it, and it's only been about a month. my friend like tried to get me to drink a few days ago. it's the first time i've stood up to peer pressure since middle school. a lot of the people i hang out with are jealous (i think) of the positive attitude i've acquired and are being negative towards me, for example saying i'm a tool because i'm going straight edge or a dork because i ride my bike, and one of my previous best friends pretty much makes it blatantly obvious that she thinks i'm trying to be something i'm not, which I kind of am, but hopefully i won't revert back to my old unhealthy ways.
all in all it seems to me that they are content to be in the same bullshit groove that they've put themselves in, and now that someone they know is trying to not be miserable and actually enjoy life and have fun, they're being bitter towards me. :( it's not helping, but i know where they're coming from so i don't hate them for it.
Knuckleduster - May 24, 2009 11:14 PM (GMT)
Do what you've got to do and what makes you happy.
A more or less similar process resulted in me owning a small library and joining the Army: One day I decided that even if I wasn't going to go to college, I didn't have to become a dumbass so I went out and bought a book. And another book.
On another day a few years later, I felt a need to do something to help other people.
I've been lucky in that I've made the big decisions in my life when I was older; even my friends who decided to flush their lives down the toilet have matured enough to allow other people to lift themselves up without giving them flack for it. Many of the younger guys I know (and older soldiers who joined young) experience(d) a lot of what you're talking about. I've even seen a little, but mostly from people who I only know through the internet.
mckenzieskat - May 31, 2009 03:44 AM (GMT)
some people can't grow, others become selfrighteous with change or philosophy nazis if you will. Noah Levine createdd the biggest self change movement around without pointing his finger at friends of his that didn't come along for the ride. He created Dharma Punx and has some good books out I like him and he's funny. I don't agree with all of his belief system but he's so cool you can talk to him and he doesn't expect you to. There are other straight edges i just consider prats, to each their own. So long as you're doing something for yourself and not others when it comes to yourself. :ph43r:
mckenzieskat - May 31, 2009 04:12 AM (GMT)
WHERE"S MY LOGO AND WHY AM I A FLEDGLING????? :angry:
Siobhan - May 31, 2009 04:27 AM (GMT)
You are a fledgling because you haven't been around to post... get to talkin lady! We need you back on here.
bethmonster - May 31, 2009 07:25 AM (GMT)
word i don't mean to bring down my friends but when they give me shit for trying to be ... myself? or... like realizing i'm doing something harmful to myself, i dont' think it's respectable for them to give me shit about it. I am doing it for myself i'm not doing it to be anything. in fact that's why i'm stoping, i dont' want to be a person with cancer or an alcoholic haha. :) it's all positive and I feel fantastic. except when I drink so much coffee i get dehydrated and almost die haha
Knuckleduster - May 31, 2009 11:46 AM (GMT)
Seriously, as long as you aren't doing the stereotypical 'straight-edge thing' and preaching it to your friends (which I doubt because you don't do it here), then they need to go get fucked.
Just be yourself; if they can't support you and accept you for it, then your friends aren't really your friends. They're more like lobsters in a bucket.
captain_literal - May 31, 2009 08:22 PM (GMT)
At some point what oneself is changes, and some people don't necesarily get that. so not sure who looked at the blog about how my second semester went(Made Dean's list again WOOT) but recently my sister has been on my case non stop and I'm working on being more assertive.
It's funny cos when someone my age- as opposed to parents or whatnot- says it, it tends to stick in your mind. So basically they had said that I needed to be more assertive, and not be a welcome mat. So yeah and I've started going to Mass again, and finally stood up to my sister- which is kind of a big thing cos I rarely do that. SO yeah heh...and ask John about my nerd level, it was bad in highshcool but I think now its off the charts---- I have watched so many cool shows recently, and new music and Finally feel that that whole growing up tihng while it will continually suck, I think I'm finally ya know coming into my own, my niche and all that.
Ok I'l try to think of something better to say later, just wanted to get those thoughts out before I lost them
*captain_literal waves bye
Knuckleduster - June 2, 2009 01:38 PM (GMT)
from the Primus forum.