Title: What I've Done
Description: Tags Kate
Lesly Cuff - June 23, 2008 12:34 AM (GMT)
Place in timeline: May 28, 12 days after the Fall of ShadowX, % days afer she wakes up from her coma.
Time of Day: 11:15 am
Lesly sat on the edge of the dock, skipping rocks over the surprisingly calm lake. Not really wanting to BE with anyone, she went to the most random place she could think of. It was somewhat Odd that this lake was empty at a time like this. If the clich`e was to be taking literally, it would have been a stormy day outside; Grey and overcast, wind turning over waters on the lake, just like Lesly's mood.
However, in stark contrast, it was one of the most beautiful days the little author has ever seen at the Institute. The sun was shining the temperature to the high 70s, A few Puffy clouds in the sky, it was beautiful.
Of course, Lesly didn't, or couldn't see that. She was too busy wandering around her own mind. The final scenes of her memory just before finding herself in the hospital ward a week later. Those finally images...more of thoughts, emotions, now real events to correlate them with. It was more of that ecstatic high she got when her powers tried to rip her sister out of existence..as she tried to make herself an only child.
Why? Because she was sick of being second best? Because she was brain washed/ No, it was simpler and deeper then that. She knew that under ShadowX's control, she went farther and faster then she should have. She wasn't trying to fight for the freedom of Mutant kind...she was warring for the freedom of herself. Somehow, under the ruse of ShadowX's cause was enough of a cover for Lesly to flesh out her personal vendetta against Anna. She had turned the already corrupt cause into an excuse to kill her sister...
Lesly hadn't seen her since Anna was standing over her bed. And even then, in her shock and shame, she lashed out angrily at her; throwing anything and everything at her until she left, only to break down into tears afterwards. She had refuse to even see Anna since then, avoiding her at all cost, even sleeping in the medical ward for the past five days...even though she checked out well three days ago.
The sound of foot steps on the dock broke her endless musings, enough for her to look over her shoulder, and skip another rock across the lake.
Kate - June 23, 2008 01:02 AM (GMT)
Kate was numb. It was the best way to put what she was feeling. Too much had happened for her to handle it all, so she shut down completely, refusing to cry and refusing to sleep. Crying would only bring about pain, and sleep...well, whenever Kate slept her dreams were full of anguish and despair. For the second time at least, she had betrayed her new family, and it hurt more than anything in the world.
So she occupied herself with meaningless little tasks that kept her mind full. The guilty thoughts, she decided, might go away and stay away for good if she just kept them at bay now.
Trudging down the path, head hanging low, Kate concentrated on looking at individual rocks and blades of grass in her way. That one was shaped like a muffin...that one a cat....the next a...well, a blob. She barely noticed where she was going until suddenly her footsteps were echoing on the wooden planks of the dock.
"Oh." Kate blinked, shuffling just a little when she saw Lesly. "Hi..." It wasn't that she didn't like Lesly anymore; it was that the other girl reminded her harshly of what had happened.
With a start, she realized that tears were rolling down her face, and hastily she wiped them away with a harsh motion of her hand and plopped down beside Lesly, not even looking at her anymore. "What do we do?" She asked, finding that her voice ended in a sob. The tears kept coming.
Great. So much for keeping a stiff upper lip.
Lesly Cuff - June 23, 2008 02:05 AM (GMT)
Lesly heard her friend's mediocre greeting, but she simply sighed and continued to skip rocks. She was so emotionally drained that she didn't think she could ever feel again. Although, still hovering in the back of her mind, was that voice.
Maybe it's a psychic echo of ShadowX, or maybe it was a darker side of herself that was dug up though all of this. It called her, almost taunting her from the dark corners of her heart. Secretly she loved that rush..she loved that feeling of omnipotent power flowing though her arm and down into her pen. But at the same time she was scared of, not the rush, but the love of the rush.
Finally, Kate broke down into tears behind her. Lesly simply closed her eyes, trying to shut it out, but part of her, perhaps the part that was still human, couldn't ignore it for long. Tears leaked out oft he corner of her eyes, and Lesly sucked back a sob. "I don't know, Kate..." She finally said in response, holding back the grief she had build up in her.
She slowly stood up and turned to her friend, A friend that earlier that month, she was battling so she could be stronger, stronger so she could defeat her infidel sister. "What can we do?" She said, looking over the younger girl..no...young woman. Kate had grown a lot more then she should have in the past month. So had a lot of people. Many people had seen a darker side of themselves then they should have seen.
"Oh, My God Kate!" She said, fleeing into her best friends arms. "What happened? How I have done such a thing?" She sobbed into Kate's shoulder. "I tried to kill her, Kate. My sis-My Anna-Mymymy..." her voice broke down after that, shattering into sobs of grief into Kate's shoulder.
Kate - June 23, 2008 06:44 PM (GMT)
Through her tears, Kate realized that Lesly was looking away, still skipping rocks sadly, and she felt a surge of embarrassment that had to do with the fact that she was standing on a dock in front of her best friend, crying quietly.
The embarrassment faded entirely when suddenly Lesly was crying too, embracing her with all of her guilt pouring out. Kate hung onto her just as tightly, eyes squeezed tightly shut. She had the vague feeling that if either of them let go now, or stepped away, they would both fall...
"I...I don't know..." She sobbed, her own heart shuddering with grief as she clung and wept. "I thought it was right, but it was all wrong. All of it! H-how did we think..." So what if Shadow X had been invading their minds, a little voice whispered to her. She should have still avoided it, should have still had the willpower to resist and rebel like others had.
"They'll never forgive me." Kate whispered finally, ducking her head away. "I hurt so many people, I told my mom and dad they were o-only human and didn't understand..." She dissolved into tears again, trembling. How had she been so naive?
Kate finally had to let go, if only to sit down. She was shaking so badly that it was hard to keep standing, so she sat on the edge of the dock, keeping close to Lesly. "Are...are apologies enough?"
Lesly Cuff - June 23, 2008 08:31 PM (GMT)
Lesly cried into her best friend's shoulder, not looking for condolence from her. Why would they look for each other for help. They didn't hurt each other, at least, no more then could being on the same side. Still, Lesly snuggled into the shoulder, crying and rubbing Kate's back, if not for her friend's comfort, then for her own.
She pulled away slightly, releasing her comforting hold on the Empath. Slowly, she took a deep breath and and pulled herself away from Kate, holding her at arm's length. "I don't know...Kate..." She said, wiping the tears from her eyes, "I think this is one of those things that kids like us aren't suppose to get into." Lesly rolled her eyes, and laughed a bit, but still more tears came out of her eyes. "Come on now...Their your parents...it's not like they'll disown you or anything." It was odd, Lesly trying to cheer up Kate with cheep jokes, almost as if one day, maybe, they could laugh at all of this. Maybe...just maybe...It would be enough to comfort her soul.
At that thought, Lesly laughed at her own stupidity. It was a short lived laughed, soon drowned out by more tears, but a true one. She sat down at the edge of the dock, looking over the lake again, signaling Kate to join her. "You remember going to church as a kid...right?" she asked, still trying to wipe up the endless streams of tears. "I heard it's one of the fads of the south..." She said, again trying to joke and kid her way around the matter, but this time, it was a bit more controlled. "I personally believe that in some situations... " She said slowly, still forming the thought as she was speaking it. "I don't think a 'sorry' is going to cover this..I mean...did we really know what we were doing?" She said, biting her lip to keep her thoughts at bay, but they continued in her mind.
Or were you swept up in the propaganda? Were you simply using it as a ploy to cover your vendetta against your sister, your flesh and blood? Was this all a game to you, a power trip to ride to your apex at the Throne of God?
She shook her head, clearing her head of the negative energy swarming up in her. Just then, in that action, her lip slipped out of it;s grip and a single sentence fell out:
"We need to remember...we can;t out bad our own good." She said calmly, as if she meant to say it. But right after words, Lesly blinked in surprise.
"Where did THAT come from?" She said, shaking the odd muse out of her head.
Kate - June 25, 2008 12:58 AM (GMT)
Kate gave a little snort, trying desperately to be blase about the entire thing, but the snort was interrupted by a little sob and she closed her mouth in despair. She nodded silently, not trusting her voice, wanting to trust Lesly. Would her parents really forgive her?
Just as taxing on her mind was wondering if those directly around her would forgive her. She had hurt so many people, up to and including Lesly. Yet Kate had to laugh at Lesly's little jokes; never in her life had she heard church called a fad before. Back where she had grown up, that would be practically considered blasphemy and frowned upon, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Ya bettah not let m'folks hear ya talk like that." She drawled in an exaggerated Southern accent. "Yer gonna get yer hide tanned six weeks 'til Sunday if'n they hear ya talk the Lord's name in vain." Odd how, in so many months she hadn't really let what little accent she had slip. Maybe it was a wish to keep herself protected, to keep a barrier from this vastly different world and her own home world.
A spark of massive guilt from Lesly caused Kate's smile to fade, and she reached out for Lesly's hand, staring out at the water. "I dunno." She said again, shrugging, thinking over the question. "Maybe...maybe we're bad at heart. But I don't think so. Not really, anyway. We feel guilty now, right? That's gotta count for something..."
"And you really didn't want to kill your sister." She added very softly, barely aware of even saying it. "We just got caught up in something really big..."
Lesly Cuff - June 25, 2008 07:23 PM (GMT)
Lesly chuckled a bit at Kate's exaggerated accent. "Wow..." She said, in near shock of the turn of voice. "I don't think you have ever talked like that before..." She looked over at her odd speaking best friend. "Why don't you talk like that anymore?" She asked, skipping another rock across the water. "It's kinda cute..." She smiled devilishly, winking at Kate, hoping that she would catch the joke involving a certain boy they both knew the Empath was vying after.
But then, Lesly saw the massive weight of her guilt crushing down on her best friend. She smiled sadly and took her hand, squeezing it comfortably. "Maybe evil comes in from the outside...like from bad people getting treated bad...or people thinking they have to hurt people to make things better." She said, looking Kate in the eyes.
Still the voice whispered things, in the back of her head, trying to convince her otherwise. Trying to tell her that she did those things on her own accord. It told her that Kate, and Anna was just another stepping stone from where she was, to where she is suppose to be.
No mere Mortal can have this power..not without fulfilling their calling...
THIS mere mortal is happy where she is... she mentally shouted into the darkness in her mind. And if that place involves you...then I will NEVER go there... She put her metaphorical foot down, and the Beast in the Darkness fled, back into it's kennel behind the forgotten memories of her first steps.
"Maybe guilt is just God's way of saying that we want to be better then we were..." She said, slightly happier now that her personal demon was exorcised from her thought. "Maybe...maybe God has already forgiven us...and guilts just our way of saying its our turn to forgive ourselves..."
But Kate's last Sentence cracked her brittle facade, and Lesly cried a few more tears silently. "But Kate...that's the thing...I think..." She tried to spit it out, but her mouth froze up. "Kate...I'm Sorry...I'm Sorry that I hurt you, and attacked you, and pushed you to do something that we never should have done..." She cried, by herself, tears slipping down her face, but still holding on to Kate's hand, her thumb mindlessly stroking her Friend's.