Description: [Alix only]
Jean - June 24, 2008 09:51 PM (GMT)
Date in the Time line: a little over 3 weeks after the final battle
The pond sparkled with the golden light of the setting sun. Jean sat in the shade as a slightly cool breeze kicked off the water. Beside her on the bench was an unopened bag of stale bread, obviously intended for the ducks that gabbled and sailed through the water, leaving arrow ripples in their wake. Jean had no intention of eating them; after all, what was the point of feeding holographic bread to holographic ducks.
She stared out at the water, not really seeing any of it. Maybe if it had been real she would’ve noticed but probably not. The only thing she could think of was what a mess her life had become and what, if anything, she could do about it. The only thing she could think of was one heart-wrenching thing.
She clasped her hands together and waited for Alix to arrive. Jean winced and cast she gaze down to the water when she thought about why the young telepath had to come here and work so hard for such long hours. A pang sounded in Jean’s heart, reminded once more that everyone at the school had suffered, suffered at her hands or rather, her mind; it was no wonder everyone hated and distrusted telepaths, especially now. Still, over two weeks after waking up, she still wore the null cuff clamped to her wrist; she was just as unsure about her being free as they were, especially around the school.
She lifted her arm and covered the bracelet with her other hand. To apologize, however feebly, for what she’d done in the fight was one reason for her ambush of Alix here; the other was about her place here at the school or really, the lack of a place here anymore. For the last, what… three months, she’d been a fox in the hen house, taking and tormenting the very ones she wanted to protect. In the case of them of them, she’d talked them into coming to safeguard from just such abuse. It wasn’t fair but then, life was never fair, it didn’t know the meaning of the word.
Alix - June 25, 2008 06:21 AM (GMT)
In a fashion that was typical of Alix.. she did not blame Jean. She did not distrust the older telepath; maybe a newfound inkling of fear of the possibilities that were in the realm of Jean's mind.. but never distrust. It hadn't been Jean. It hadn't been.
Still, that did nothing to quiet the frustrations and issues that Alix faced. Her powers were more than unbalanced. Most had begun to realize this, especially since everyday she seemed to spend more and more time in the danger room. She'd not gone back to X-factor yet and no matter what anyone said, no matter what was true.. she wished she would've done more in the battle. The reality of life after that battle had settled in days ago, and while she in all her stubborn nature refused to even address the absence of John, it was more than clear in her own mind.
Her broken mind. Her barriers as before were gone, though unlike before the damage was a far deal more extensive. Cole had taken the barriers away and manipulated her. Jean.. Jean had taken them away and then attacked with a ruthlessness that Alix had never witnessed- much less been on the recieving end. Like everything, however, she stubbornly refused to address the unsettling fear that she'd never get back to her level of ability. That she'd always be stuck without those walls, picking up on emotions that had no buisness in her head.
The danger room, however, was a more than perfect place to get over her own issues. No matter how hard it was on her, no matter how far she continued to push herself, it kept her mind off of practically everything.. and everyone. She knew they distrusted her- her, who had in effect delievered them. Just because she was a telepath, an unfair assesment that would never go away. If anything, it got worse.
::Jean?:: The door to the danger room slid open and quietly, Alix looked towards her respected teacher, quietly attempting to analyze with just her eyes, understand with nothing more than observation.
Jean - June 25, 2008 08:44 PM (GMT)
:: Jean? ::
‘Oh well,’ thought Jean as Alix entered the Danger Room, ‘no more putting it off.’
“I’m sorry to intrude but I need to speak with you. Please, come sit down,” she said, gesturing to the length of bench beside her. She was sure that some people at the school would’ve turned on their heels and left rather than speak with her but didn’t think Alix was one of them.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you, what I put you through.” She looked down at the bracelet on her wrist, “I wish I could do more… do something to help put things right.” She looked back up to Alix, forcing herself to meet Alix’s silent, passive gaze. “But even if you forgave me and were willing, Hank still isn’t sure that it… whatever it was… isn’t contagious. I’m sorry, as feeble as it is, is the most I can offer you.”
“I know you’re going back to X-Factor but I’d like to consider splitting your time between there and here, when you feel up to it.” Jean took a deep and plunged ahead as the silent girl eyed her. “Because I’m resigning from the X-Men.” Her shoulders wanted to sag under the crushing pressure of what she’d said, but Jean forced her spine to remain straight; as difficult as telling Alix was, this was nothing compared to telling Scott she was leaving.
“They’ll need someone else who can operate Cerebro. I don’t want to compound what I’ve done with letting new mutants go undetected and not helped because of me.”
Jean looked down and wrung her fingers together in dread, twisting her wedding ring on her finger; the different shades of red that the ring was made out of standing out against her pale skin. “I suspect that you’re having a rough time around the school now. People looking at you with suspicion… I’m sorry,” a realization that pained her even more since she was the cause of their fear. “But you saved them… from me, they’ll listen to you. Tell them… tell them Scott… I was controlling Scott too, just like them. He’ll deny it, of course, but they won’t believe him and just think he’s blinded by love. The X-Men need him and they need to trust him again. That’ll happen quicker if they can point to someone else as the villain behind all their pain and suffering. Me.”
Alix - June 26, 2008 05:47 AM (GMT)
Quietly, Alix took a seat beside Jean without a second of hesitation. Unlike so many.. she understood. She knew the dangers of being a mutant- telepath or not. Scott wasn't a telepath, he'd done just the same amount as Jean had.. but who took the bulk of the blame? Telepathy. She understood where they were coming from- really, she did. But, so much like everyone else.. Alix was only human.
::it's alright, Mrs Grey-Summers. It was not you.:: she answered quietly, eyes shifting towards Jean. The loss of active telepathy was hard; but she managed. ::I'll fix it.. I think it'll just take time.. it's alright. It'll make me stronger, right?:: She smiled with every bit of determination she was known to have, and fell quiet, listening.
::I.. can do that. Why?:: She answered swiftly, only to turn with a sudden wave of obvious shock. No barriers- more responses. Especially suprising ones like that... Her? Opperate cerebro? the suggestion that she was capable was more than an honor in her own mind.. but the cost of that honor was something that she was not willing to take. ::Resigning? But.. Jean..:: She shifted quietly, silently fidgiting with her hands as she mulled over in thought. ::I can't do it like you can.. You're better than me.. What will we do without you? I don't care how they look at me.. they've always look at us like that. I know it'll never end and even if it is worse now.. it'll go away. it always goes away..:: She pleaded as best she knew how. Jean gone... the thought was frightening, moreso even than when she'd realized Pyro had left.
::Scott.. he wouldn't let them believe that... I can't blame it all on you.. I just can't.. I wont let them blame you just because you're a telepath. There was something else behind it.. everyone of us in X-factor know it... surely we can find out?:: her mind went over all the possibilities. What had happened?
Jean - June 26, 2008 10:18 PM (GMT)
::Resigning? But.. Jean..:: She shifted quietly, silently fidgiting with her hands as she mulled over in thought. ::I can't do it like you can.. You're better than me.. What will we do without you? I don't care how they look at me.. they've always look at us like that. I know it'll never end and even if it is worse now.. it'll go away. it always goes away..::
Jean looked at Alix with haunted eyes that almost seemed to lighten as the girl she wounded so badly seemed shaken rather than pleased at the prospect of her leaving. She reached out and took Alix’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
::Scott.. he wouldn't let them believe that... I can't blame it all on you.. I just can't.. I wont let them blame you just because you're a telepath. There was something else behind it.. everyone of us in X-factor know it... surely we can find out?::
She gulped when Alix mentioned Scott, she could fall on her sword for the sake and peace of mind of the others, those she’d wronged but it hurt that Scott and Rosie would be suffering with her too. But they were going through their own crisis; Scott had begun avoiding her and spending long hours, nearly from dawn until late at night, in his hangar and sleeping on the couch, distancing himself from her, not that she blamed him. She’d been cruel for what she did to the others at the school, but she was a monster for what she’d done to him. She blinked away the tears before they threatened to blur her vision.
“I hope you… someone, will find out what happened, I don’t like being the scapegoat but this isn’t about justice or if it’s fair I should be blamed.” She looked out at the calm golden pond to collect her thoughts before turning back to Alix.
“It wasn’t fair that Vincent, an idealistic and trusting young man who came here looking to learn how to not be afraid of his powers, had his trust used against him. It wasn’t fair that Callan came here looking for a safe home and was betrayed. It wasn’t fair that Ari, Kurt, Zanra, Tabitha, and Victor, the students and staff of Xavier’s, were tortured here. Or that Professor Xavier’s life’s work was dragged through the mud.” She lowered her head, weighed down be the atrocities, “And it wasn’t justice that Ari killed Avery or changed her into whatever state she’s in, in that tree.” She gave a little shake of her head, not willing to go on with the hundreds of crimes and despicable acts that could be laid on her doorstep. “All those things weren’t fair, to anyone, but they happened. The pain and self doubt stirred up by what I did… Whether it’s fair or not,” she said in a soft, sad voice, “mine is the face they see when they think about the pain ShadowX inflicted.” She winced as she spoke the name.
“If I stayed, it would be that much harder for them; feeling the pain and anger over they way they were treated, and then, seeing me walking through the halls like nothing ever happened, unpunished.” Jean searched the girl’s eyes, hoping she’d understand. “Until I can point the finger of blame for their pain at someone else,” she gestured, her hands open in an almost shrug, “I’m it.” She looked into Alix’s eyes, “but Scott doesn’t have to take the blame with me. Please, you can help save him…. I’m useless here now; no one is going to come to their abuser to help them work through what happened, but Scott still has a chance to make things right and that would be easier if people saw as a victim in all this too.”
“Please,” Jean begged, holding Alix’s hand, “help him for me.”
Alix - June 30, 2008 04:17 PM (GMT)
::Xfactor will, Jean.. I promise. We'll find out who really did it and we will bring them to justice. Then maybe people will understand.. we're human too.:: she shifted a bit, silently looking towards her teacher, listening quietly as she went over things. None of it had been fair- life had never been fair for mutant kind. It hadn't been fair to most all of X-factor yet.. they didn't spend their days moping around. ::Xavier's dream is stronger than that... and no matter what face they see.. eventually, they'll forget. They always forget.::
She did, however, understand where Jean was coming from. Without anything to hold back the feelings and thoughts around her, she was more than aware of what people now thought of telepaths. She didn't mind it, however. Despite it all, she held her head high. They'd have to know eventually, and when that time came.. she would not be the one to say 'told you so' no matter how much she would think it.
::I will do it Mrs Grey-Summers.:: she nodded softly. ::I'll help him. But I wont let them blame you.::Her mind was set. If they were going to blame anyone- anything- it'd be outside manipulation. ::When you come back, you'll see how strong Professor Xavier's dream is. It's stronger than all the pain we see. They just have to see that.::