6th of January
Have you ever wondered what your place is in this world. Why we are are here, what our purpose is. Have you ever felt so confused, so alone, so.... conflicted inside. Like your meant to more than what you do, more than just exist. As a single person what is your role. Is it pre-determined by some higher being or grand scheme or is it what you make it.
Are we here to destroy, save or something different entirely. Have you considered, just for a second whether what your doing is the right thing or just some misguided point of view. Is there a right and wrong, good and evil. Or is it all just interpretation, left to the individual to choose at their discretion.
What is our purpose. What is my purpose, I want do more, I need to do more. But I don't know if I can.....................
Jaster's legs felt like they were ablaze as he sprinted across the slippery and icy field. The cold air seemed to sting his skin and burn his throat and lungs as he heaved in large gulps of air while he ran as fast as his legs would take him.
The sun had began to light up the training field from beyond it's horizon, setting off an array of orange and purple streaks blazing across the sky, bouncing off the light clouds and snow which made the estate look almost celestial. But Jaster paid little attention.
The sun had crept up without him even noticing. He had snuck out of the mansion not long after 4:30 am and had been training ever since. He wasn't sure if he was noticed or not but he had not been bothered so he guessed they either didn't notice or had a fair idea where he was going as he had been visiting the training field every day around the same time for the past week.
He had been pushing himself harder than he ever had in his entire life. He worked on his physical conditioning then he would try and control his powers, to little success. His body would ache all over after every session and he often ended up sleeping until lunch once he got back to the mansion. He was glad classes hadn't started yet.
He came up upon the mark he was aiming for and spun around trying to keep his momentum but as he did he lost his footing on the lush wet grass and was sent crashing to the ground. He landed with a loud thump, winding himself. He rolled onto his back as he tried to catch his breath but as he did he started to lose grip on the kinetic energy he had absorbed from the fall.
He jumped to his feet and focused his energy, he sent it to the palms of his hands and condensed it the best he could. It was the most energy he had ever tried to condense and release... and it was taking it's toll.
He let out an thick audible cry as pain flared through up arms as he released the attack, sending two barley visible beams of energy into the ground directly in front of him. The dirt exploded as Jaster fell to his knee's with another cry of pain. He now knelt before a rather large divot in the ground as the dirt settled around him, almost a meter round in each direction and a couple of inches deep from what he could tell.
He let out a deep shuttering breath which turned into a grey cloud of mist and tried to lift his arms with little avail. Pain shot ran up them and to his shoulder so he let them go limp and slumped to the ground. There he stayed for a good five minutes before he attempted to move again. His arms were weak and it took him effort to lift them but he could move them.
“Still not good enough,” he said to himself in a disgusted tone. He needed to be stronger, faster, smarter. He needed to control his powers, his rate of absorbing power. He shut his eyes and tried to concentrate. He let out an long and soft breath then clapped his hands together while willing himself not to absorb the energy. He let out a loud audible curse, it hadn't worked. The energy surged through his body and he released it into the sky and ran his hand through his hair which was wet from either sweat or snow, he didn't know which.
“I can do this,” he said out loud, “I need to do this”.
He made his mind blank and repeated one phrase in his head over and over.
Do not absorb, do not absorb, to not absorb, control yourself, control......
Then he remembered something Brain had once told him.
“Emotion is the most devastating power a person can have boy. They are the key to everything, hate, jealousy, lust, confidence, anger...love, it's all the key. It's the stronger than any power. Always remember that Jaster. If you let your emotions guide you but not control you then you will have all the power you need. Never forget that”.
He opened his eyes and felt a calmness wash over him he had not felt in a very long time. It wasn't about about physically controlling his power or how strong and fast his body was. It was his emotions, they were the key. If he could control his emotions, his mind, then he should be able to control his power. He clapped his hands together and for the first time in his entire life he didn't absorb any energy .
The feeling was beyond description, for so long he could remember he had struggled with his powers, with his emotions. He was angry, he had been angry, afraid. Afraid his powers would hurt someone. For so long, he didn't know who he was or what he was suppose to do but as he looked around at the estate around him he realised this is where he belonged.
Here he could use his powers to become something more........ someone more. Someone who could help people.
This was his home and he knew it would be for a long time to come.