<<< Frontline: Issue 010 [March 11 2009]

Beloved Son of New York Dies

One of New York's most public figures died recently – Warren Worthington III was tragically killed when his personal plane crashed. There were no survivors. “This is a sad day for New York,” Mayor Bloomberg said as he addressed the people at a public memorial service in times square, “Mr. Worthington was a pillar in the community and quite the philanthropist. His heart and his passion for people will be sorely missed.”

“Mutant-kind has lost one of its greatest allies since the death of the mutant rights activist Charles Xavier,” said Reverend Joshua Stint who was also present at the service.

Warren Worthington was not only a good businessman, but one of the head of the recently-founded X-Corps – a place designed to not only help mutants who have been oppressed, but humans as well. Mr. Worthington claimed that an effort to unite homo sapien and superior was to get rid of the unnecessary distinctions between the two. Reaching out to those in need regardless of a person's race, age, gender, or genetic disposition; X-Corps is possibly one of Worthington's most important achievements.

The NTSB has secured the area and have undertaken a thorough investigation of the wreckage, but no cause has yet been determined, and the police have no leads.

Despite his seclusion from the public over the past year, Warren Worthington's death will seriously be felt by many of the New York citizens. Rest in peace, Warren – wherever you are.

BUGLE EXCLUSIVE: INTERVIEW WITH LEADING MUTANT-STUDY SCIENTIST

Mutants. What causes the mutants to be mutants? Is it a mental or psychological fracture, or is it something deeper? Genetics? I met with Dr. Henry McCoy, a leading scientist in the field of mutant genetic studies to find out what I could about the mysterious "X-Gene".

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Stern: Dr. Henry McCoy, thank you for meeting with me today. I hope you didn't have any trouble getting here.

Dr. McCoy: Oh, well, the subways system isn't that hard to figure out. Its essentially a repeated inversion of a fractal curve.

I'm afraid I'm not well rounded in mathematics. Dr. McCoy, you are one of the leading scientist in the field of studying human, or rather, mutant genetics. Could you explain what the genetic difference between the human genome and the mutant genome is? Their effects on the body?

Well, that's a very interesting question, and there isn't a simple answer. Simply put, what divides Homo sapiens from Homo sapiens Superior, is a single mutation. Now, normally, any given human being has about a dozen, maybe 20, mutations in their DNA chain, because DNA isn't a fax machine, its more of an impressionist drawing. Normally, these smaller mutations don't amount to much, because a lot of our DNA is simply unnecessary, it encodes information that doesn't manifest itself. The mutation, into the X-gene, is simply instead of a mutation of worthless DNA, a mutation that radical alters a person's body.

I see. So an "impressionist drawing" theory might explain why each individual mutant has a different power?

Well, not exactly. The very nature of DNA allows it to make mistakes in the copying of code without completely destroying the functional abilities of the organism. My pet theory for different manifestations of the X-gene is that while the gene remains the same intact in the genotype, that is to say, the gene itself is no different in nature, it'll wildly differ on how it manifests itself in the phenotype, that is to say how it interacts with the other genes in a person's code. Granted there are several different theories on the X-gene. Some say that the X-gene will mold itself into whatever the person requires at the time of the manifestation of the person's powers.

So why do you believe the mutant gene has risen in recent years? Is it the next step of evolution, or is something happening to the human genome on the genetic level? I heard once -- and don't quote me on this -- that the hammerhead sharks unique shape rose from a mutation and flourished becaused it worked. Could it be that the mutant gene might run along the same path?

That is how hammerhead sharks' arose, but to be fair, thats how evolution works for the most part. A random mutation arises, and it will either add to the survival of the organism or detract from it. If it adds, it'll increase the ability of the organism to reproduce and therefore the trait will become more widespread in gene pool. Its very likely that the X-mutation may become a more dominant part of the human gene pool.

Now to answer your first question, the sudden increase in mutant population is actually a mystery to the scientific community. We estimate that there's about 20,000 mutants worldwide with about 10,000 of them living in Mutant Town. Now, it is quite possible that the x-mutation has existed along with humans for the entirety of human history, and several historians have now gone back looking at some of the great leaders of history and speculating that their greatness was the result of mutation, some sort of enhanced brain capacity for strategy or mutant charisma.

There really isn't a distinction in the scientific community between changes in the genome and the next step of evolution. Evolution isn't a staircase. It doesn't lead anywhere, it simply is. Changes in the gene pool isn't progression or regression in any strict sense, besides whether or not the new trait will add to the survival of the organism.

That's quite a staggering number. 50% of the world's mutant here in New York. Since the "x-gene" seems to becoming more widespread by the day, do you think it would be possible to use those mutations to, say, provide clean energy and feed the hungry?

Well, certainly, if a mutant's powers are able to provide people with food, or create clean energy, I would think that they have a moral imperative to help, but relying on a mutant savior to come along and save the world's problems is faulty policy.

Since the majority of the mutant population is in Mutant Town, what do you think of the Sentinel program? Do you think it needs to be replaced to stop further aggression?

Further Aggression? Listen, in my line of work, I've interviewed and examined nearly a hundred different mutants, and for the most part they just want to live their lives, drink Coca-Cola, and watch American Idol like the rest of us. They aren't scheming to take over the world, outside of a few megalomaniacs

Now, of course, people like Magneto and his followers are a problem, but a probelm within the mutant society will need to be solved within mutant society. I don't want to name names, but I know of mutants who are lawyers, cops, deli owners. People like Magneto will disappear when the normal mutant on the street makes them disappear.

Then do you think mutants whould be able to police their own towns rather than having humans do so?

Well, from what I've seen in my studies of Mutant Town, they already are the de facto police force and government. X-Factor regularly patrols the area and X-Corps provides for the area's general welfare, while its been rather neglected from city and state officials.

How about the Mutant Registration Act being proposed right now?

Without reading the actual text of legislation, I can't properly comment on it, but with the goverment's handling of private information in previous cases, like losing laptops with hundreds of thousands of people's private information, I'm not comfortable with the idea.

Mutant Town has become the number 1 spot in the city for hate crimes. Having information on every single mutant in the country in one centralized spot where it can be hacked, stolen, or simply copied by an anti-mutant bureaucrat seems to be just asking for trouble.

So with what you know so far you are against the Mutant Registration Act?

From what I understand of it, I'm wary of it.

What do you think will happen if it does pass?

I hope that my misgivings are mistaken, but I'm afraid that the information gathered might leak to the general public, and we'll see law-abiding mutants attacked, their only crime being their genetic code.

Do you think the newly elected President would allow such a thing to be passed?

From what I understand, the idea came from his office, so I think he'll sign it into law. I'm fairly certain that once the information is collected, it will be leaked, because from what I've seen, anti-mutant sentiment runs pretty deep, even in areas like the military or the professional bureaucracy.

US Freighter Disappears

New York – March 4th. It was supposed to be one of the biggest days in the history of Fama Shipping. Having secured a contract with Stark and Keller Industries, this was the day they were to receive their first shipment of motherboards and steel reported to be intended for the casings of RGM-84 cruise missiles. However, after six hours of waiting and unsuccessfully trying to make contact with the Ferguson – the freighter entrusted with their prized goods – Owner and CEO Robert Kavoyan called the Coast Guard to begin a search. “Sure, the loss of the cargo would be terrible for our company, but we're mainly concerned with the ship's crew. For over one-hundred years Fama Shipping has taken the best care to keep its employees safe, and we won't stop now.”

After a through search, the Coast Guard reported that not only could they not find the ship, but no debris could be found to indicate that there had been an accident. Satellite footage was also observed, but unfortunately, the technicians lost the ability to track the Ferguson as it passed through a dense cloud layer.

This hasn't been the first time a large supply of materials have gone missing. In recent weeks, lumber, concrete, large quantities of electrical supplies, and metal have gone missing from various shipping lanes, roads, docks, and warehouses. There have even been rumors about experimental military alloys going missing and a large shipment of computer components were stolen directly from Stark storage facilities. “We're looking into the matter and we assure our investors that we will find those responsible for the thefts,” Pepper Potts told reporters when questioned about this third theft directly affecting the company.

Federal Investigation Commander Greg Samuels had this to say, “The only evidence we have that links these thefts together is circumstantial. The methods are different. Many of the items stolen are completely unrelated to each other in any way that the FBI can determine, and while many of these items seem to just be vanishing without any sign of forced entry, we're asking the public to not jump to the conclusion that this is mutant-related.”

Despite the Commander's request, however, many have already pointed fingers at the mutant community, and there are several who have heard claims of a possible mutant nation. John Herche claims to have heard several residents of Mutant Town 'enthusiastically discussing' the subject. However, there has been no actual evidence to support the claims.

Our condolences go out to the families of the crew of the Ferguson and all those at the Daily Bugle hope that they will be found.

If you have information on the disappearance of the Ferguson or any of the other thefts, please call 1-800-555-7770.

The Inside Scoop Of Mutant Registration

Vincent Oliver Benson, we know him as our Deputy Attorney General of the United States of America, which means he oversees the day-to-day runnings of the Department of Justice. He is appointed by President Barack Obama. Before that he served as the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York for four years. This reporter had the opportunity to talk with Mr. Benson and gets his views on one of the more pressing mutant topics: Registration.

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Hello Mr. Benson, thank you for seeing me.

Vincent Benson: Not a problem, Mr. Ellis. After all, your taxes pay for my salary.

Well we at the Bugle wondered how the Deputy Attorney General of the United States of America felt about mutant registration

The administration fully supports the legislation put ahead by Senator Robert Kelley (D-MA) and we've been speaking with Congressional leaders to fast track the legislation. Its the next big vote after the stimulus bill.

But what are your thoughts on the matter, sir?

I'm a prosecutor, my job is to make sure that the law is followed. My opinion doesn't carry much weight. However, personally, I think its a necessary step to protect not only the average person, but the average mutant in mutant town.

And what about having mutants were null cuffs in public?  We understand at the Bugle that nullification technology will be handed out to mutant with more 'dangerous powers'.

Do you think that just because a 14 year can cause explosions with their sweat means that they want to? The null cuff is to protect not only the mutant, but the mutant's loved ones.

But any power could be deemed dangerous.

And? We will have legislation and guidelines to determine which mutants pose a threat. The proposals I've seen have all included the mutant's power, their history of past incidents, and personality factors. We aren't going to simply use Stark S.P.I.Ntech on everyone with a misplaced chromosome.

And will there be a representative to have the final say?

Each registered mutant will have a case worker that will help them inside the system, so to speak. The proposal's plan for nullification is as follows. The case worker will make a recommendation to the regional administrator, as we plan to have about 10 to 12 different regions covering the country. The regional administrator will either go with the case worker's recommendation or override it. All decisions made by the regional administrator can be overturned either by court order or the head of the Bureau of Mutant Affairs who will be appointed by the President and confirmed by the Senate

Will this appointed being be a mutant? Or Human?

well, we haven't made final decisions on personnel, but the genetic status of the Director of Mutant Affairs won't be dictated by stature. The President will appoint the best person for the job.

But what if the best person for the job let's his or her emotions or personal beliefs on mutants get in the way of making a decision?

Heh, Ken, we're not going to appoint a raging genophobe to the post. This isn't going to be an olive branch to the Friends of Humanity. That's not what this is about.

This is a matter of national security, and it will be under the supervision of the Department of Justice's Civil Rights division. This act is to make sure that mutant criminals and terrorists aren't out there threatening the public. It is also to show the public that the average mutant isn't so different from you and me. They want to work, they pay their taxes, and they watch television. As long as a mutant doesn't have any incidents in their past, it'll be no more harmful than getting their driver's license renewed.

Most mutant's don't seem to share the same feelings Mr. Benson.  Some seem to think of it as punishment for mutants like Magneto.

That's preposterous. This isn't a punishment. This is simply to make sure that mutants that have used their powers to break the law or hurt others, don't have the opportunity to do it again. Its not a preventative measure, a mutant won't be forced into a null-cuff or imprisoned just for existing or even possessing dangerous powers. Any negative consequence a mutant faces will be in reaction to their own actions. That's how we do it in the United States. You commit a crime and then you get prosecuted.

So every precaution has been taken to ensure that everyone's right are protected through this process?

Of course. The President was elected on a pro-civil rights agenda. He is the most mutant-friendly president that has ever been in office. In this bill, there are several revisions to both state and federal law
to make sure that a mutant gets a fair day in court. Don't listen to the idiots on the fringe like those the Brotherhood people in Mutant Town that this is some sort of precursor to camps. This is a necessary step to help ensure that humans and mutants can co-exist.

Well Mr. Benson I think we are just about out of time, I'd like to thank you for meeting with me here today and good luck to you and the Obama Administration.

Thank you. Give Mr. Jameson my best.

Will do sir.

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It would seem to this reporter that Mr. Vincent Benson has a close eye on the registration. As he watches we at the Daily Bugle are sure the registration is in good hands. Hopefully it will be turned into something benificial for everyone both human and mutant.

SEAHAWK QB IS A MUTANT, TESTS CONFIRM

SEATTLE- Seahawks QB Buford Wilson tested positive on a genetic test for presence of the X-gene Tuesday, Seahawk officials announced. The starting quarterback is expected to be released from his contract on Friday, sources inside the Seahawk corporate offices say.

NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell implemented mandatory genetic testing of all players this year after Kansas City Chiefs Linebacker Dennis Dunphy, known by his nickname on the field “The Demolition Man,” was arrested last year after being caught by a sting operation about the Brotherhood of Mutants, a mutant terrorist group. Goodell refused to say if any other players had tested positive. “Wilson is the only player we have contacted about this matter so far.”

Wilson, a three time Pro-Bowler, including one year as starting quarterback in 2006, has had allegations of mutation hurled at him since his days as the quarterback for Ole Miss. Then-teammate Tutan Reyes, now of the Jacksonville Jaguars, told reporters “That Buford guy was constantly skipping practice and weight sessions with the team. He never lost a pound of muscle.”

Wilson played high school football for the Pearl High School Fighting Pirates in Pearl, Mississippi. He led the Pirates to a state championship three years in a row. Alexis Farragut, a classmate of Wilson, told reporters, “Buford in freshmen year, was just like this tiny little guy, barely five foot. Then over the summer, he bulks up, and is like 6’11 and three times the weight of any five guys on the team.”

Rod Galose, the coach of the Pearl Fighting Pirates, said “Freshmen year, he didn’t see a single second of play unless we were up by four or five touchdowns. I put him in wide receiver, and the boy was just too awkward to play even that. He was always tripping over himself. Then, that summer, I get a new huge kid who said he was Buford Wilson. He was big enough to be our entire offensive line, but I found out that he could throw farther and run quicker than anybody else playing in Mississippi.”

Wilson led the Ole Miss Rebels to four seasons of lossless seasons, and two trips to the NCAA championships in 2000 and 2002. He was a first-round draft pick in 2002, first being drafted by the Texans, but ended up being traded to the Seahawks due to salary cap obligations. He played for the Seahawks, and had just signed a 10.8 million dollar contract with the Seahawks this past November.

Seahawks owner, Paul Allen had no comment.

(written by Will)

HOROSCOPES

Aries March 21-April 19
Just when you need it most, you’ll find that your local grocer has no yams.

Taurus April 20-May 20th
Your brother’s recently acquired Russian accent is neither a delightful quirk, nor Soviet brainwashing, but a terrible side-effect of an unforeseen stroke.

Gemini May 21-June 21
Like an angel plucked off its cloud, you will find yourself transformed. Your entire moral compass will lose true north. You become Death, Destroyer of worlds.

Cancer June 22-July 22
In reality, some evil will escape your sight, even if it is brightest day or darkest night.

Leo July 23-Augst 22
Someone will tear out your heart, and dump it into a bucket of boiling tears, and at the same time, and hit your soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer, and hit you in the griefbone, and no one can hear your cries, as you are terribly terribly alone. (Metaphorically.)

Virgo August 23-September 22
Cos(x)=(a² + b² – c²)/(2ab) . I don’t know how, but the law of cosines will be very important in the next week.

Libra September 23-October 23
Deep in heart, you know that you’ll never have as a cool of name as the Vice President of Nigeria, Goodluck Jonathan. Seriously, that is one bad ass name.

Scorpio October 23-Novemeber 21
After pissing off the wrong City Hall Bureaucrat, you’ll find that your next tax returns are addressed to “Horseshit McGee.”

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
A smile will go a long way to achieving your goals, but you will want to check for any broccoli stuck in there.

Capricorn December 22-January 19
Your cell phone battery? Dead! Oh, and also possibly your wife and kids. Still, sucks for your cell phone, right?

Aquarius January 20-Febuary 18
The Rapture of the Believers will happen when you take a shower. That kinda sucks, because either a) you have to stop hygiene to prevent the end of the world, or b) you get raptured, but you don’t get to do it like the cool ways in Left Behind where you crash your car, or airplane, or your clothes fall to the ground in an instant. (Seriously, why in Left Behind, are like half the airline pilots true believers? Are pilots more likely to be born-again Christians?) Anyways, this horoscope is getting kind of long.

Pisces Febuary 19-March 20th
There is truth to the Czech proverb “Bez peněz do hospody nelez.” What it is, we don’t know. We don’t speak Czech.

If your birthday is today: You will finally achieve
Lucky numbers this week: 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,55,89

Obituaries

A body was found cut into several pieces in a warehouse downtown recently. No weapon or evidence of the attacker was found except for urine stains on a nearby crate. The piss-stains, CSI discovered, spelled out "D-E-A-D-P-O-O". No DNA evidence was found, only cancer.

Another body was found in another warehouse downtown recently. The female's body was found torn to shreds by what appeared to be a large cat-like mammal. The where-abouts of the assailant, mutant or animal, are unknown.

The Coyote Killer has struck again. Sylvester and Buggs were cross-dressing down-town in order to pay off some debts with Fudd when the Coyote Killer appeared zooming towards them on ACME Rocket Roller Skates holding a dual-sided sword-like weapon. Their heads were instantly cut off.

A family of 4 was found dead in their home 2 days after they were died. A gas leak... the silent killer.

Hank and Dean Venture were found dead yesterday when a hyper-extension of the outer vestige pushed the twins into a pile of gasoline. The boys were curious about smoking... they exploded.

Obituaries Continued

'Papa' Joe Yakavetta was gunned down by three unknown assailants. Investigation is still underway. Yakavetta has no other surviving family members.

A woman was found with her eyes gouged out, an hour after she had a major infection that spread causing her to die an hour later.

Two teenage boys, who were attempting to re-create a scene from a a stunt show, were found dead. Apparently the teenagers were trying to hold on the side of a moving car while being on their skateboards. Memorial services are being held this weekend.

Editorials: By J Jonah Jameson

Mr. Jameson,

I'm uncomfortable with any dealings we have with Latveria as a country. They're renowned for being very secretive, and Doom doesn't have a reputation as the most diplomatic person on the planet. I'm just afraid that if we are seen interacting with Latveria too much, other countries will become uneasy. I think we shouldn't have anything to do with that strange country. Especially with all the crap we have to deal with already.

-B. Bixby

Well, Mr. Bixby, I can understand why you feel that way. Latveria doesn't have many friends after all. Still, this is America and we should be allowed to do whatever we want without worrying what other countries think. We're the most powerful country in the world and it makes sense that we should be the ones keeping an eye on the seedy, suspicious guys out there like the leader of Latveria. Don't worry. If they give us trouble, we'll just accuse them of having weapons of mass destruction and go invade.

J Jonah Jameson
Editor in Chief

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Mr. Jameson,

I say no to Spider Man. I appreciate what he's done as much as the next guy, but what gives him the right to take the law into his own hands like that? Because he's a mutant or something? That's a great example to set for all the other [censored] out there. Listen, loving him for what he's done so far makes perfect sense, but you have to think about the future? What if we end up with fifty of these weirdo mutants running around thinking they're heroes? It'd be chaos.

-Anonymous

I can't thank you enough for making a very valid point. Spider man is a complete menace. Sure... he does us a service, but so do vultures. It doesn't mean we like them or want them around. By doing what he does, he creates a lawless society and I don't want to even think what the world will be like if several of these young mutants decide to follow in his steps. The sooner Spider Man is arrested and put behind bars, the better off New York will be.

J Jonah Jameson
Editor in Chief

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I just wanted to say that I really appreciated that article you did on Mr. Flumm for the paper. As a religious follower of the sports page, I used to really appreciate his eye and the fact that he caught some of the best shots of in-game action. I'll miss his pictures and I don't think that you'll ever find anyone quite as good. Except maybe Peter Parker.

-Jay

Jay, it's always good to meet an enthusiastic reader such as yourself. Despite the fact that we lost one of the greats, I hope you'll stick around. The paper will never be quite as good without Ed, but we'll do our best to get as close as possible.

J Jonah Jameson
Editor in Chief

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About Warren Worthington's kidnapping. I think that it was a result of him being outed as a mutant, and I have to say that if someone as powerful as Mr. Worthington can be the result of such a hateful crime, then I'm very scared for my daughter, who is a mutant.

-Anonymous

I can understand your concern, reader. Just remember that we are doing out best to secure the rights of mutants as much as possible, and secure them from complete hatred.

J Jonah Jameson
Editor in Chief

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Yeah... I agree with the last guy who wrote you. You shouldn't be allowing Magneto all this free publicity. Isn't it horrible enough that we even know who he is without you helping to spread his filthy message to the masses?

-Sarah

Sarah, while I appreciate your point of view, we at the paper have an obligation to print news. We aren't advocating Magneto's point of view, merely showing the public who he is. You can't really blame Mr. Ulrich for writing the story after all the trouble he's been through.

J Jonah Jameson
Editor in Chief