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Biography
Aparecium

OOC Information
Name; Kirsty O'Connor
E-mail; potters-gurl@hotmail.com
Other characters on this board; N/A
How did you hear about us? From Pride and Prophecy website
Age; 18
Experience; I am a member of several sites currently, I have been role playing for 5 years

Character Information

Basics
Full Name; Charlotte Emilie Moore
Nickname(s); Charlie
Age; 16
Gender; Female
Date of Birth; 27th October 1983
Year(if student); Fifth
House/Loyalty; Gryffindor
Blood; Half Blood
Other; N/A


Appearance

Charlie is around 5’6”, slim and toned, with muscular arms. She has a roundish, slim face with some freckles predominantly around her cheeks and nose. Her eyes are a bright blue colour with flecks of grey around the pupil and are almond shaped. Her hair is brunette with natural blonde streaks, which falls to just below her shoulder blades, with several layers in it. Charlie’s hair is usually curly/wavy with , however she sometimes straightens it. During school hours she will have it up in a ponytail, out of school it is down. She will either have a red or black head band in her hair to keep her sweep fringe out of her face. If she does not have a head band on, it will be pinned to the side or on top of her head. She is often seen, out of school, wearing straight leg jeans (indigo or black) with shirts and tee-shirts. She also wears both black or colourful jackets and hoodies. The shoes that she wears are Converse boots or dolly shoes. She is not a very girly girl, wearing skirts and dresses, but on special occasions will be seen wearing a dress. The reason for this style is because she does not see herself as beautiful so hides herself. Her skin is quite fair. Typically she will have black eyeliner and mascara, with bright eye shadows of blue, green, purple or gold. During school though she will only have a soft brown eye shadow and small amount of mascara.




Personality
Charlie is a bubbly and outgoing character who loves to be on the go. She loves to be in large groups of friends but also likes to be with a small group of close friends who she would trust her life with. Charlie is a very trusting person but when that trust is broken, it is hard for her to trust that person again - though it has been known to happen on a rare occasion. She pays respect to most people and does not purposefully get into fights with others. However, if someone starts an argument with her, she will fight back tooth and claw, especially if they are going against what she believes in.
Charlie is a passionate person who will do anything to protect her friends. She is also a kind and caring person. Charlie also has issues with two-faced people, she does not like them. She feels that people who change to fit in are not worth the time to get to know. She also has a tendency to say what is on her mind, regardless of who she is talking to; which could be seen as a gift and a flaw. Charlie can also be very hot headed. Charlie will go out of her way to help people in need, particularly her friends, even if it means breaking school rules or wizarding laws.
Charlie likes to be with her close friends, usually sat by the lake. This is because she is a social character who relies heavily on her friends to reassure her of herself. The lake is a favourite place of Charlie's because it is a calming place for her, particularly when she is uptight or angry. Charlie is also a character who enjoys her music and cinema, anything with a good beat and rhythm; she is a big rock music fan. She likes to read late at night, particularly when she is unable to sleep, it keeps her mind busy and stops her from stressing out over trivial things. Charlie also likes to be out in the fresh air, whether she's on long walks or just sat admiring a view. She loves to party, enjoy herself, and relax on a beach. Charlie is also likes to draw in her spare time.
Charlie has a dislike for two faced people. Charlie cannot understand how you can be true to yourself if you are putting on personas to impress different people. She has a dislike for characters that value people on their blood status and think that Purebloods are the "supreme" race of wizards. Charlie also dislikes self obsessed people who care for nothing and no-one else but themselves. Charlie does not like to cook, though will if she has to. She finds it to be too much work for something that soon disappears.
Charlie tends to chew her finger nails when angry or nervous. When stressed she pushes her hands through her hair and balls her hands into fists.
Charlie is honest and loyal to her friends. She has great commitment in everything that she does and will go out of her way to help. This is becasue Charlie cares greatly about everyone around her. She is not one of the cleverest students but does not let this put her off from trying. Even though she is not book smart, she does show talent when using her wand. Charlie is a strong willed character and will not back down from anything. (Though this is also a weakness of Charlie's). Another strength is that Charlie is very adaptable to different situations. Charlie becomes irrational when angered or when friends are in danger. She means well but can often show this is the wrong way by being overly bossy. Another weakness is a lack of trust in some people. This also means it is hard for her to trust people if they have broken her trust in any way. Charlie holds grudges against people, and often never forgets about things people have said or done against her family, friends or herself. She is also very critical of her own abilities; she has no confidence in her self and does not believe she is capable of very much.
Charlie is a caring character and this is why she wanted to become a




Personal History
Charlie was born in Kilberry, Ireland and had a good childhood. She was raised by her mother and father in a large farm-like house in the countryside of Ireland with several fields to their name. When she was young she would often wander out of the large garden looking for adventure. When she was four she became even more “adventurous” and fell out of a tall oak tree, breaking her arm which resulted in a scar on her elbow. This never deterred her from climbing trees or going on adventures with her friends. Charlie rarely saw her mother during the day, mainly at weekends but her mother did teach her a lot. Her father owned a Bakery and was able to stay at home a lot while Charlie was young.
Charlie’s father wanted her to go to Muggle School as he thought that even though she was magical, she deserved to have a non magical education until the time came for her to go to Hogwarts. Charlie enjoyed her muggle education very much, though missed the freedom she had had at home. She excelled in school and made many muggle friends. Charlie lived a normal school girls life, though she did feel like the odd one out. This was because she knew that she was witch but no-one around her did and in that respect she felt like the odd ball. She felt lonely at times but her mother helped her overcome this and Charlie went on to have a “normal” life once more.
However, when she was 9 things began to change – her sister was born, Lucy. This brought on some sibling jealousy and rivalry on Charlie’s part. This jealousy caused Charlie’s magical powers to show themselves in public. Her mother wanted Charlie to stop going to school, thinking of the risk of exposure, but her father wanted Charlie to continue as did she. A pact was made – Charlie could continue but if she did magic at school again she would have to leave. Charlie managed to keep a relative hold on her growing powers.
Charlie received her letter inviting her to Hogwarts in the holiday before her twelfth birthday. She could not wait to go. She went up to London with her mother, father and sister to collect all of the required books, robes and equipment. Her father also bought Charlie a Tawny owl. On September first they made their way onto Platform 9 ¾ and Charlie got onto the Hogwarts Express.
She had an eventful first four years. She enjoyed her subjects so much and she finally found a place where she did not feel like the odd one out. She loved the school grounds and the Quidditch matches – the atmosphere of the school in general made Charlie feel happy. However, in the early part of Charlie’s fifth year, her mother was killed. The muggle authorities put her death down to suicide – they were unable to establish the cause of her death conclusively. At the funeral Charlie noticed a large number of strangers who, even her father, was unable to name. They came over to her father and began to explain the situation; she had not killed herself but had been murdered by a person or person’s unknown. Charlie had overheard this and broke down.





Family Background
Charlie’s mother was Louise Moore (her maiden name is MacDonald) and she was a Pureblood witch. She worked within the Ministry of Magic as a member of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad. Unfortunately she was killed on the 13th of December, 1997. She was only 34 years old. Charlie’s father is Charlie Moore and is also 34 years old. He works in a bakery in the town of Kilberry, Ireland. Charlie has a younger sister called Lucy who is only 6 years old. Since her mother’s death, Charlie’s father has had to look after Lucy on his own. He is coping well considering the situation. Charlie’s grandparents on her mother’s side of the family live in Scotland.



Roleplay Example
It was 7.45pm. Charlie wandered through the corridors of Hogwarts, deep in thought. She did not know what to do with herself and she was unsure of whether Lucy would be able to come to Hogwarts in several years. I need to concentrate on myself at the moment Charlie thought to herself. Waking up slightly she realised she was on the third floor. Looking up and down the corridor and seeing no-one, she turned around and headed back towards the stair case. She had to wait a moment for the right stair well to swivel into position, she then wound her way down the stair case to the ground floor. “Where is everybody?” Charlie wondered aloud. There was not a soul to be seen. She shrugged her shoulders and headed to the front doors.
Charlie saw that they were unlocked and pushed them open, with a struggle. She welcomed the slightly cool breeze on her face with a smile. Stepping down the stone steps into the school grounds, Charlie closed her eyes for a moment, taking in the silence. It was quite disconcerting. Shrugging it off as her over active imagination, Charlie opened her eyes and walked down towards the lake. It was nearly curfew but to not see a soul at this time was unusual. Charlie sat down by the lake side and stared absent mindedly across it, not taking in what she was seeing.
Charlie's thought's wondered to her mother. This caused tears to well up in her eyes, and then falling down her face, creating tear tracks. Charlie missed her mother so much. She knew her father and sister did to. Breathing slowly, she tried to stop the tears, and wiped her face fiercly with the back of her hand. "She would not want me to do this." Charlie said to herself.
Her eyes began to droop, and she was slowly falling asleep. She had not realised how tired she was. The silence was suddenly broken by a ‘CRACK’. Charlie’s eyelids flew up and she drew her wand out with relative speed. She looked around and could not see anyone. No! I definitely heard something Charlie stood up and looked around the lake area, to see nothing. She turned to face the edge of the forest. “Lumos” she muttered and raised her wand to light as far as she possibly could without entering the forest. She leaned forward slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Stupefy!” she called, quickly turning to see who had grabbed her. She looked at the figure, now on the ground, with shock. “You?!”


Secret words from the rules; Umbridge

Denied
Reason: We, at Aparecium, pride ourselves on being literate or above. By that, it means that we expect our members to have sentence and term variety. We understand that, sometimes, you simply just can't vary your sentences anymore, or are trying to jump through hoops to avoid saying the word "banana" again and calling it the "long yellow fruit", but to say "your character this, your character that", gets very dull to read very quickly.

As for your roleplay example, I can point out several errors and other little irritations that would not be acceptable in the environment we are trying to provide.

• Setting: At 7:45PM, students would most likely be eating dinner, or lounging around. Depending on the time of the year it is, possibly outside enjoying the last of the sun -- in May, the sun sets around 8:30 in London. Unless your post occurred in a dream, there would most definitely be people, and, if not, she would at least be hearing voices from people somewhere else in their corridors.
  
• Your Character: There is nothing in your character personality list that says that your character thinks of her mother often and her loss affects her much, if at all. However, in your post, Charlie sits down at the lake, thinks of her mother out of the blue, and starts crying. There is no lead up to why she would suddenly think of her mother. If you had linked it to "her mother would be proud of her studies at Hogwarts", or "her mother loved views like the one before her", it would make sense. As it is, it does not. It's abrupt and very out of the given personality.
  
• As we read it, Charlie goes from scolding herself about her mother not wanting her to cry to falling asleep. Another very abrupt jump, not to mention the time of the evening it was. You did not explain how or why she was so tired, so there's a slight wondering of whether or not Charlie is a narcoleptic.
  
• Randomly, out of nowhere, there's a loud noise that disturbs the peace for which Charlie has to investigate. It turns out to be some unknown person you have yet revealed to us, that Charlie stuns because he touched her shoulder. To stun people for touching them would hint at paranoia, another trait you did not mention and, again, it does not fall within any range of your character's personality.

The post lacks creativity, the inability to explain one's actions -- a part of a literate writer is the "why"s of their actions, the ability to get into their character's brain and follow thought paths to explain and move a post along. It is very abrupt and has a very repetitive sentence structure.