i first wrote this as a piece of english coursework and it got me a C so see what you think of it.
It was a cold grey day in the ruined city of Kraag. Lieutenant Mung Ironhide of the Iron Warriors 1st great company lifted his weapons from the ground and set off. In the last few hours of being in this accursed city, his squad had been whittled down from a full 10-man squad to just him and one more. This man, Skol, was just like Mung, about 6 feet tall, grey eyes and broad shouldered. The armour that they wear is standard issue the machine guns they have are standard issue, the fact that they and the whole Iron Warriors legion had been declared heretics by the Emperor. The only thing different about them is that Mung had fought in hundereds of different battles, had trained with Perturabo the legions greatest warrior and had seen with his own eyes his family murdered by the loyalist Imperial warriors.
They were approaching a corner in the street. He stopped. Something was wrong. He could feel it. Just as he was stopping Skol fell to the ground. He was dead. Mung swore, Skol had been shot right through the left eye, no one but a sniper could be that accurate. That meant it would be dangerous to even look around the corner. He risked it. In the few seconds he allowed himself he saw a street with a ruined tank on one side and a deep mud filled crater on the other, apart from that there was no other shelter. He stepped back. Just then a bullet smashed straight through the wall just above his head. That was too close for him. Mung decided to run for the crater. he did, Scanning the windows as he ran. Nothing happened. He dived into the crater, mud and water splashed every where. Mung waited for what seemed like an hour, he saw a piece of a mirror he held it up with a bit of metal, instant periscope he joked to himself. Using the mirror like a periscope he looked for any sign of the sniper. He couldnít see any trace of where the sniper was or had been. This guy was good. he risked sticking his head up to have a proper look, but he still couldnít see any thing, then just as he was going back down he saw something, the barrel of a gun, a camera, or maybe just an old bit of pipe. He ducked down and a bullet whizzed over his head and dug a groove into the pavement. Defiantly the barrel of a gun. He got up and ran to a doorway in the building where the sniper had been, the sniper canít have moved far after that shot. He made it to the doorway. It was open.
Inside the building it was dark, he flicked the night vision on his helmet and everything was bathed in a luminous green glow. He went in warily. The floorboards creaked with every step. He paused. Nothing happened. He went round a corner Ďthis should be where the stairway isí he thought remembering that all the buildings around here were set out pretty much the same. The constant shelling that the buildings had received had managed to shatter the stairs. He went to the lift just in case. That was out as well. Mung ran outside and hid behind the ruined tank that he had seen before. When he was running he saw two snipers in the upper levels of the building, with a pistol at each others heads, Mung lifted up his machine gun and fired a burst at them, when the dust had cleared he saw one of them slide down the wall the front of his chest torn apart by the torrent of bullets. Then he got to the tank stopped and assessed his situation.
As he rested he realised that there was still one sniper left. That meant that he wasnít safe yet. He wondered why the two snipers had had a machine gun to each otherís heads. The only thing he could think of was that one of the snipers could have been a traitor, but he should be careful anyway, he didnít know which he had shot
Suddenly he heard the sound of many marching feet. He ran into the doorway of the nearest building and stopped. He could hear breathing. Mung poked a small hole through the rotted wood of the door and looked through. He could see the bright blue armour of the Imperial Warriors. Mung stepped back lifted his axe and shouldered through the door. The old door crumbled instantly. Mung swung his axe disembowelling the surprised Warrior, he carried on running, ducked rolled and swung upwards cleaving another space marine from his groin to his shoulder. There were voices, shouting and three more Warriors ran into the corridor. They charged at him. Mung swung, his axe rising and falling in a haze of crimson. In seconds the three Warriors were lifeless corpses lying on the floor. Mung wiped his axe on a piece of cloth and listened. He couldnít hear any thing. Mung walked through the door and felt a machine gun pressed into his head. He heard a metallic voice and slowly turned. There was an Imperial captain standing there. Time seemed to slow down as he saw the captain start to pull the trigger. Mung dropped to the floor. The bullet flew past his head embedding itself harmlessly into the wall behind him. He sprang upwards head butting the captain in the gut. The captain grunted and dropped to the floor. As Mung stopped he grabbed the machine gun off the captain and slammed it into his foes mouth. Mung emptied the whole magazine into the captainís head. He sank to the floor as time went back to normal.
He could hear something. That same noise. This time it was louder. It was the noise of hundreds of feet. He ran to a window and looked out to see rows and rows of imperial prisoners been marched forwards by a group of Iron warriors. Just then some of the prisoners broke off and ran up the street where Mung was hiding. Before Mung could do anything about it the Iron warriors guarding the rear of the column mowed down the runaways. Mung signalled and ran towards them. He found out that they had been taking many losses from snipers and the Imperial Warriors. Mung thanked them and ask where the H.Q was. He set off at a sprint towards where they had directed him. After hours of running he could feel the sweat start to run down his back.
At last he arrived there. The H.Q was not much to see. It just looked like an old sandbag bunker, but underground it was a maze of corridors rooms and stairways. Mung got told to go sent straight to be debriefed.
After the long debriefing Mung was told to go to the armoury. At the armoury he was gifted with a suit of the best armour that there is, Terminator armour and some new weapons. When he walked out of the H.Q he felt like nothing could stop him.
As he was walking he remembered that there was still a lot of Warriors on the loose. He scanned the nearest building and ran towards it.
Whilst he was running a shot bounced off his shoulder, it ricocheted off onto a car door and into an old petrol station, blowing it up as well as half of the street. Mung ducked and ran as burning debris rained down on him he dived into a hole in the wall, when the dust had settled he saw the back of the person that had been shooting at him. He raised his Machine gun and took out the sniper with one shot, blowing the back of its head clean off. Just then a door that Mung hadnít seen flew open and a whole squad of Warriors came charging into the room. Mung flicked his Machine gun onto full automatic and mowed down the first row of them, he then shouldered his machine gun, drew his axe and charged into them. With the first swipe he cleared the area around him, the second cleaved a Warrior in half, he smashed a Warriors face in with a backhand blow. Mung threw off a Warrior hanging onto his back, breaking its back as it landed with a thud on the floor. He picked up a frag grenade and threw it through the doorway, slammed it shut and ducked behind the wall he heard a wet thudding noise as the grenade exploded. All the Warriors had died, the uniforms they wore being no protection against the lethal shrapnel thrown around by the grenade. There were still more. He could here them running towards the sound of the explosion. He ran out of the building placing another grenade onto a supporting pillar of the building. He sprinted around the corner of the next building and waited for the detonation. As he watched the support pillar crumbled then the whole side of the building collapsed throwing out dead bodies, dust and rubble all over the place. He laughed the Imperial Warriors were no match for his skills. The only problem was that Imperial Warriors meant that the Iron Warriors had someone else to beat if they wanted to take over this city.
There were a few grammar and such errors, but I didn't think it was bad. Sorry about the C. One thing I will say that your teacher wouldn't have been grading on is that he is supposed to be evil, and evil men don't ask nicely (unless they are evil enough that even their own men are afraid of them :D ). That's just me though.
Good story though.
P.S. Welcome to the Library. I hope to see you here often.