HEAVEN IN HELL, BELLA <3

[EDWARD CULLEN]

Purgatory. School in all of its many incarnations had always seemed like a little slice of hell. The halls were full of shallow pubescent thoughts concerning the opposite sex and the current string of unoriginal gossip concerning the social dating calendars of the most 'desirable' children. Edward personally found it disgusting. This was his very own version of eternal damnation where demons with pitchforks were replaced by children with chalk repeating the same information he had learnt decades ago, and in many cases even experienced. The textbooks were never as accurate as his memories, and there had been several times where he wanted to simply groan at all the little inaccuracies, yet could not. It would surprise many how many events were worded in such a manner which subtly glorified things to make the country appear more heroic, or less villainous, but using certain key words and phrases in a section which pulled at the heartstrings in different ways.

There was always this little sense of dread which seeded itself into the pit of his stomach every time the family enrolled to a new school. Sure, the younger they started out the longer they could stay in any given location and create a semblance of a normal life, but after decades even the faces of the kids surrounding him were the same. All of the awe in everyone’s thoughts as they gazed upon the new students’ faces for the first time. All monotonous. Since they had chosen to announce their return to Forks his Vanquish was once again only for use during special occasions (that and Rose was also repairing the damages to the door from being flung open and closed too hard, one too many times three days ago) and it was the silver Volvo which pulled out of the 101 highway and onto the familiar campus they’d left several months ago, a whole new sort of dread was settling in the pit of his stomach. Returning to a school when the same student body whom they’d attended with before were still there was a new experience, but it was not that slightly new experience which had the usually collected vampire’s stomach twist in knots.

Everyone’s thoughts were abuzz about the return of the strange family, so much so that Edward had to temporarily stare down at the steering wheel as he filtered the sudden intrusion of childish musings from his mind...save the ones that pertained to the reason his stomach was twisted. Bella wasn’t here yet, or so the general consensus of thoughts told him, but even as he exited the Volvo with his siblings his gaze still swept the general vicinity once. The eyes of humans were not to be trusted to spot an old truck several miles away. Nothing seemed to be coming, but there was still plenty of time for that. Following his brothers and sisters at what was a brisk human pace towards the class listed first on his schedule. The school had been kind enough to give everyone back the schedule they started the school year with before Edward had forced them to leave, which meant that his class would inevitably lead him to the object of his affections.

The teacher was indifferent to his re-appearance in the course, though he made excellent grades Edward never volunteered participation in class unless asked directly, and simply waved to the seat which he had previously occupied at the beginning of the year as he mumbled something akin to 'I trust you know the way’. To be honest he wasn’t at all interested in what the instructor had to say, his mind was pre-occupied. Given that his seat had been returned to him he could only guess that there had been no other seating re-arrangements during his absence, which would put Bella right next to him. He could only hope her reaction would be favorable, not that he expected it to be. After all, she had so many more reasons to be angry at him than feel anything resembling happiness. Upon placing his brand new notebook and writing utensils on the desk, mostly for show, he folded his hands and directed his gaze over towards the door, occasionally lifting his gaze to the clock mounted on the wall to see the second hand click forward. For now, time could not move any slower, and yet at the same time was all too fast. Was he really ready to face her yet? Especially after gathering that she now had a new person in her life who could give her what he wanted to but couldn’t?

[ISABELLA SWAN]

Everyone was staring. That was the first thing Bella noticed as she pulled into the familiar parking lot, running later than usual to get to class. Stumbling a little as she exited the truck, far too quickly for someone as clumsy as herself, her face flushed a deep red, feeling the eyes of those around her watching her every step, still entirely unsure as to why. There were very few times Bella could actually remember being observed like that, her first day of school would have to be among them, and the first day she had arrived driven by Edward... Bella cringed, scolding herself internally as she juggled her bag and her books, concentrating on watching only where she was walking in hopes to make it to class without doing anything else humiliating. She had been doing so much better, trying her best not to let thoughts of him steal through her mind. Of course, she was hardly ever successful, and after her most recent breakdown, after allowing herself to hope so foolishly, it had been a long weekend of trying to push back the memories she couldn't allow herself to relive. And it had always been especially hard at school. It was so easy to let her mind drift back to conversations shared in hallways or sitting together at their table at lunch, and without Jacob to chase the memories away, she could feel the ache in her heart swell again. If she was already finding it difficult, it was going to be a very long Monday.

People had stared too, when he had left, but Bella hadn't been in any condition to notice. They had asked questions and made assumptions, none of which she could spare any bit of care for. Nothing had mattered to her then, nothing except putting on the best act she could for Charlie and simply getting through each day, managing through the pain enough to function, if not live. That was before Jacob, though. Before someone had been able to get her to smile again, make her laugh occasionally. It was Jacob she really owed thanks for any real improvement. If it wasn't for him... Bella hated to think of it, but she probably would have been stuck as a zombie forever. It wasn't the same, but nothing ever would be, and she knew that. Even if he was gone and never coming back, even if he didn't love her and didn't want it, he held a huge part of her heart, a part she would likely never get back. Because of this, she could never give her heart fully to her best friend, something he knew already, and he wanted her, stuck by her still. Bella didn't know what she had done to deserve him, but she owed him everything.

The gossip that followed Bella down the hall caught her off guard, whispers seeming to surround her with "Cullens" and "Edward" falling from everyone's lips. Her eyes darted around the hallway, the expression across her features clearly confused and already taking on a look of slight panic. Was she still dreaming? Or had she officially lost it for good? After her flat tire, she had been perched precariously close to the edge all weekend, the anxiety that had collected in her chest only ever ebbing when Jacob was around, the only antidote she'd been able to find. If that were true, if she had finally snapped, Jacob would be so disappointed, and Charlie too...

Bella caught the gaze of Angela just before reaching the doorway to her first classroom and was again taken back by the sincere concern she saw in her friend's eyes. But before she could consider that any longer she turned into the room, her eyes immediately falling to her empty seat... and the not so empty seat beside it. Because he was currently sitting in it. Any thoughts of whether this was real or not seemed to rush from her mind. Either way, did it matter? There seemed to be no air left in the room at all, not that air would have been useful, considering all of the oxygen seemed to have been pushed out of her lungs involuntarily. She was absolutely choked with the panic that had welled up in her, and the conflicting emotions. For a split second she was absolutely frozen in her spot, eyes locked on him, mouth dropped open the slightest bit in surprise. She wanted to drop her books and fling herself at him, wrap her arms around his neck and never let him out of her sight again, her happiness at seeing him again immeasurable. But another strong part of her felt like she was about to be absolutely sick, and wanted desperately to turn and run back to her truck, to go back to bed so that she could properly wake up from whatever kind of bizarre nightmare this was. And she was going to cry, she could already feel the tears stinging as she tried desperately to hold them back, the hurt and the anger very nearly bubbling up to the surface. It wasn't until then that she realized that everyone was still staring, waiting for her reaction, to see what she was going to do, to determine for themselves if she had known of their return, if she was still with Edward, if they could finally get answers for how things had actually ended between them before.

Flushing darkly, Bella finally tore her gaze away, taking in a shaky breath, forcing herself to step forward to take her seat. For half a second she seriously considered telling the teacher that she needed to go to the nurse's office, but instead she settled into her seat, fighting to keep her eyes from glancing in his direction again. How was she going to do this? How could she possibly sit beside him, be near him at all knowing that he didn't love her anymore? That no matter how much she cared about him, her feelings would never be returned? Bella closed her eyes tightly, letting her hair fall over her face the slightest bit, hoping people would stop paying attention to her so she could suffer without an audience.

[EDWARD CULLEN]

The gears of the clock were beginning to grate on Edward’s nerves as they slowly ground together to keep the gadget working and while he remained perfectly still in his desk, with the occasional finger movement for the sake of appearing human, the vampire sought to do something. Anything. Anything but continue glare at the clock as though it’d somehow greatly offended him, and so he let his mind wander, letting in the thoughts of the childish humans around him, rather than attempt to keep their internal voices on a low background buzz, in an attempt to momentarily escape the chaos that was his own mind. Subconsciously he had another motive for doing such a thing. Edward wanted to see Bella arrive in the parking lot of Forks. He’d gone far too long without seeing her, and during that time his vampire memory had produced her likeness an infinite times over again whether he wanted to or not, that he might not have believed it was indeed her if he didn’t have confirmation from those around him. He’d seen her in the last several times as he made his attempts to follow her, to guard her from the threat that had materialized in Seattle and made a big enough of a ripple that his family had picked up on it, but whenever he’d watched her then it’d been from a safe distance. Far away.

That was the rationalization he forced upon himself just to allow those extra few minutes to gaze upon her at least. As perfect as his memory was he could never recreate the scorching sensation her sweet scent elicited. Though her image was secondhand, seen through the less than perfect and blurry eyes of Fork High School’s student body, it didn’t stop him from admiring her beauty. Unlike him, never to be touched by time, there were slight differences in Bella’s appearance. They were nothing which would be obviously noticeable to the human eye, and he doubted that his family could even find half of the changes he did, but why would they? They hadn’t committed every centimeter of her face, her hands, her hair, every little thing down to the way she walked, to memory. One hundred and seven years he’d been aimlessly wandering the Earth, so it wasn’t a surprise that he’d seen and experienced countless events, from world wars to catastrophic natural disasters, seen things like the Vatican and the paintings of Leonardo Di Vinci, and yet every single one of his most cherished memories was simple. They were of one klutzy brunette who should have a hospital wing named after her for all the business she brought in simply from personal injuries.

The last person he saw his love through was Angela’s eyes. If he had a heart it would surely be pounding inside of his chest and filling his ears with the noise, but despite how much it felt as though that vital organ would suddenly jump back to life behind his rib cage, it remained hollow. Soundless. Beatless. A symbol of another empty area somewhere within him. One which could not be so easily identified, or even agreed upon, but to Edward the lack of a heart beat was just another proof of his soul, or lack thereof. How could a creature so unnatural and dark as he be granted something so light? In his eyes his soul had been the price he paid for cheating the grim reaper of his dues and turning his back on Carlisle’s teachings decades ago.

His eyes never moved from Bella from the instance she stepped into the room, though there were certainly times when the thought did present itself. When it became almost painful to gaze upon her and know that he could not simply just walk up to her and take her into his arms. She was seeing someone else now. How many times had he told himself that in preparation of this moment? Yet as painful as it’d been to simply repeat those words mentally over to himself, it was infinitely more excruciating to finally realize the truth behind the combination of letters. It had been what he wanted for her when he left. To move on and live the life she was supposed to, but that was just it, wasn’t it? She was with Jacob Black, a descendent of werewolves and was likely one himself. He hadn’t lingered long in the mind of the younger male when he’d first spotted him with Bella. He’d only gleaned the basic information when the boy’s mind suddenly filled itself with images of Bella and the boy acting for all intents and purposes like a happy couple. It’d been what he wished for her but to see it had been the worse pain he’d ever experienced, as though another vampire had penetrated his marble skin and spread a slow paralyzing poison through him just before casting him upon a blazing fire. Even for the masochist that was too much for him to handle, and so he’d run away as quickly as he could. Edward had run blindly without any destination in mind, as quickly as he could, as though he could escape the fire. As if feelings could be outrun and left behind. Run but unable to leave.

The vampire’s golden gaze was finally averted by the onslaught of thoughts from the students in the classrooms. Did they have nothing better to do with their lives than speculate about others? What business was Bella and his relationship, or the lack thereof one, to them? At the end of the day it would effect no one else in the room whether he and Bella were on speaking terms. Choosing a wooden knot pattern on the desktop to focus on the voices soon began to fade to a buzz, just as Bella shuffled into her seat, stirring the otherwise stale odor of juvenile body odor and cheap perfume that lingered in every classroom. He was lost in the floral scent of her blood for a moment, as he reacquainted himself with the almost undeniable thirst whilst at the same time reveling in the same scent which caused him so much discomfort. The blush had not gone unnoticed by the male though he took it more as a sign of anger, but oh how he’d missed the way her soft cheeks would turn candy apple red for no apparent reason. Before the memories could take over or his fingers could reach out from their current fisted position and touch her blush a thick blanket of brown hair obstructed the view of his angel’s face. A frown tugged at the corners of his lips then as he forced himself to look forward at the black board whilst he anxiously waited for the teacher announced the partner project he’d earlier picked up from the woman’s mind. To think that he needed such an outlet just to speak of the girl ached.

It took twenty minutes for their teacher to instruct the class to pair up, while she searched her rather messy desk for the handouts detailing the assignment. “Bella.” his voice was surprisingly calm, collected and smooth. The exact opposite of what he was feeling, which was a torrent of nerves. If vampires could become sick then he certainly would be deathly ill, or at least warrant a visit from Carlisle right now. “Will you work with me?”

[ISABELLA SWAN]

The universe really had it out for her today, Bella was sure of it.

It was harder than she had even anticipated to sit there beside him and not stare, to not simply get out of her seat and crawl into his lap, to bury her face into his chest and breathe deeply, letting his scent and presence comfort her in ways she hadn't felt since he had left her life, or to break down and sob, beg him to take her back, or even just to stay. Bella had to keep reminding herself as she pulled out her notebook and a pen, hoping that at least attempting to focus on the lesson would keep her mind from straying to scenarios that would never, could never happen, that despite his being back, nothing more had changed. It wasn't his duty or his responsibility or any of his concern to comfort her anymore, and she had no right wishing he would. Just because he was back didn't mean he was back for her, didn't mean that things could simply go back to the way they had been before he had gone.

And of course they couldn't. Things were different than they had been when he'd left, some things were no longer the same at all. She was different, changed in his absence, changed by his absence. She was broken, and although Jacob had done his best, was still doing his best and succeeding by small degrees, she wasn't sure that she could be completely put back together. Surely pieces were missing, pieces that even Jake, with all his well-meaning effort, and his friendship and affection, couldn't find. Pieces that Edward must have taken with him, even if he had never meant to, even if he didn't want them. Maybe that meant that Edward would have more luck, an easier time at healing the tear in her chest that had been caused by his departure, but that wasn't a thought Bella would allow herself to continue, because it was too painful to consider a possibility that was so unlikely, and because it wasn't fair. She wasn't thinking of herself, but of Jacob. He cared for her so much, and he had done so much to save her, both physically and emotionally. If it hadn't been for him and his warmth, the sun he brought into her life, Edward wouldn't be the only mythical creature sitting in the room, as Bella was sure she would still be more likely considered a zombie than a human, teen aged girl. It wasn't fair to Jacob, after his friendship and unconditional love, for her to sit and give thought to such ideas just because Edward was sitting beside her again.

But even more than that, more than her missing pieces, some things were exactly the same as they always had been. Even though he had returned, Bella couldn't imagine that he would want to have anything to do with her. He had left for a reason, because as she had always known, he was perfect and she simply didn't measure up. She wasn't enough for him and he didn't love her. How could he, when she couldn't begin to compare? It wasn't anything she could blame him for, not when she had always feared that eventually it was something he would realize. She could only blame herself for not being better, not being enough. That was something that hadn't changed, and something she couldn't imagine ever would. Edward would always, literally for forever, be beautiful and strong, fast and intelligent, selfless and truly, undeniably good, and she would never be anything but simply Bella, plain, weak, and human. It wasn't easy for her to cope with, but it was incredibly simple to see why Edward had left her.

Bella hadn't been listening at all, too lost in thought, torn between her throbbing heart and her racing mind, but the sound of her name spoken by his musical voice pulled her from her thoughts, and without even realizing what she was doing, she lifted her head from the circular doodles she had been tracing in the margin of her paper to glance over at Edward. Immediately her heart picked up and her cheeks blushed again, the same reaction he had always so easily provoked in her. He was too perfect, too beautiful. Her imagination, her illusions, hadn't done him any justice at all. That was how Bella knew she wasn't only dreaming, because even her dreams hadn't been able to truly capture his visage. For a moment, all she could do was stare and attempt to breathe, her eyes glazing over just slightly as she was taking in his face, his strong jaw, his soft lips, tousled hair, and finally his golden eyes, lost completely in the boy beside her.

Bella was barely knowledgeable of the fact that everyone was watching them again, waiting for her answer as if it actually mattered to them. In that second the only person in her sight was Edward. It wasn't fair that even if he no longer loved her, he still had that sort of effect on her, that he could dazzle her without even trying. Even if she had wanted to turn away, she wasn't sure she could. There had been a spark that had been missing in her life while he was gone, but with him sitting beside her, she could practically feel the buzz, the electricity that connected them.

Pursing her lips to keep from saying something entirely embarrassing, knowing she couldn't trust her voice not to sound too excited, or alternatively too broken, Bella blinked a few times and turned away slightly to look back at the front of the room again, her cheeks blushing a light pink, feeling embarrassed by her reaction to him. Hoping it would break his spell on her, she no longer met his eyes (although it was incredibly difficult to look away now that he was beside her), and instead only offered a simple nod of agreement. How could she possibly say no? She didn't move though, not sure how close was appropriate, considering no matter how close they sat, it wouldn't be close enough for her. And she didn't want to be...tempting. Never before had she questioned Edward's control, she had always trusted him without doubt, and she still did, but even after everything, all the pain he had put her through, all the time apart, she cared for him. More than she should possibly, more than he cared for her, she was sure. She loved him, it was that simple. She didn't want to make this any harder on him than it had to be.

[EDWARD CULLEN]

[bah sorry, this isn't very good. my brain hasn't been working the last few days.]

That so many thoughts were centered on him and Bella, hoping for some drama to unfold, instead of paying attention to the lesson the teacher was attempting to explain from the board spoke volumes. Some were more discreet than others. The Stanley girl was constantly fidgeting in her seat and throwing glances back in their direction. It wasn’t out of her character to do so, having always been a glutton for gossip and drama, but that only annoyed Edward further until he finally shot a cold glare at her when she looked back the fifth time. What did she, or any of the children, really think was going to happen? That either he or Bella would suddenly burst into a monologue right in the middle of a lecture? Indeed, there were things he had to tell Bella. Things to explain, but he hardly was going to start when almost everyone’s focus was on them.

Perhaps it would have been a better idea to have revealed everything a few nights ago by the side of the road when there had been no one nearby who would even find any interest in their situation. Then again, he couldn’t fathom knowing what to say to her if he had at that time. The entire weekend had been spent either agonizing over the decision to finally make their arrival public knowledge by asking the family’s opinions and weighing the pros and cons. The choice was made even more difficult by the fact that he still hadn’t been able to gauge her life as well as he would have liked with her spending so much time in La Push, though he’d gathered enough to know that the reason for that had been because of Jacob Black, who he occasionally spotted with her in the last several days for a few minutes before they disappeared beyond the border he wasn’t allowed to cross. The initial discovery was by no means one he accepted particularly gracefully. As he often did Edward had jumped to conclusions, believing that his beloved had found someone else to love and make her happy, without confirming it with Bella, not that he could have just asked her if he wanted to. Not only had he been distancing himself at the time but the mere thoughts he’d heard coming from the werewolf’s head could have made his stomach churn, if only that were possible.

That day had ended with one boulder crushed into fine sand and a sprint in the rain to Seattle in an attempt to both clear his head and put enough distance between himself and Jacob that he couldn’t rip the wolf apart. That’d been the worse part. A werewolf. He did not leave her to have her wind up back in the mythical world in the hands of a volatile mongrel. At the end of everything the run had done neither of the things he’d wished. The silence, bar the sound of water droplets colliding with the ground, had only allowed him to think more and the run…well, it was all too easy to just change direction. It was only the thoughts of Bella smiling, happy, which kept him from doing anything rash. For a few hours he wound up simply sitting in the downpour, allowing the water to act like a veil which divided him from everything else, repeating the same things over and over again to himself. It been what he wanted to happen. He wanted Bella to move on. He wanted her to be able to be happy with someone else.

Lying had always been one of his strong suits, even to himself.

Was it ridiculous for him to be so overjoyed simply to see the return of her blush when she looked at him? Dare he hope that she could still feel anything towards him other than anger for the callous way in which he had treated her when he left? ’No. No. No.’ This wasn’t the time or place for wishful thinking, nor did he deserve to be received in any other way than in anger. She would be more than justified if she were to tell him to leave her alone. To yell at him, though he doubted she would in class. That would draw too much attention to her, and if there was one thing he knew she didn’t want, it to be in the spotlight. If anything were to happen now, it would be done quietly…yet, it that didn’t mean he would not give her the opportunity to scream at him should she wish outside of class. To slink away quietly if she refused his invitation to work together would be cowardly, and if there was one thing he hated, it was to be a coward.

The silence which followed his question was stretching into unbearably long territory, and though he once again attempted (and utterly failed) to read her mind, Edward attempted to appear patient. His eyes never left her face as he attempted to read her expression, though a sick sinking feeling began to slowly spread from the middle of his stomach as the seconds ticked by, particularly when Bella turned to glance at the front of the room. Though it didn’t matter whether he breathed or not, he found himself exhaling a held breath when his beloved’s head finally bobbed in agreeance. It was a mixture of elation, concern and reluctance which flooded through him as a response to the nod. She didn’t appear to particularly care for his company, (Edward assumed so because she’d turned to look away before answering) and the he knew far too well how she often put other’s well-being and desires before her own, and so the question nagged at the edge of his mind…was that what she was doing now? “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” he hesitantly offered, vainly hoping that she would not take him up on his latest words and choose a different partner.

“You certainly don’t have to indulge me in my selfish requests, if you would rather work with someone less selfish.” And it really was a selfish of him to ask when he really had very little intentions to actually work on the partner activity, (which entailed them to read from the book, create a timeline of events and answer questions) and all the intentions of claiming the back corner table when the teacher allowed them to move simply to be able to speak a little more freely with her. To sit next to her and take her perfectly small hand in his and never let go feel the warmth which only she could bring to his cold heart.

[ISABELLA SWAN]

Every nerve ending, every single cell in Bella’s body seemed to be yelling at her to turn back to face Edward again. She could feel the pull, an invisible force strong enough to make her feel as though it was literally painful not to simply give in, to continue to look forward at the black board, absentmindedly scanning the scribbles of notes and instructions as though she was actually absorbing any of the information, even though she could feel his eyes on her. He wasn’t the only one looking, of course, her small nod had sent her classmates into another round of gossip, the room buzzing with hushed tones and whispers as to what her agreement could possibly mean. Even if Bella couldn’t hear their words or read their thoughts, she knew the furious excitement was all speculation, but still, no ones gaze burned into her the way his golden eyes did. Sitting there beside him, she could have sworn she’d melt at any moment from the intensity of his stare. To someone else, anyone else, it might have been unnerving, but for Bella, it only made her want to allow her eyes to drift back to his face even more, curious as to the expression that accompanied his gaze and what it could possibly tell her about what he may be thinking. Still, she couldn’t stop her heart from picking up the pace of its natural rhythm, a change that would not go unnoticed by Edward, she was sure, or the light pink that spread through her cheeks, partially in knowing that he could hear her quickened pulse and also simply because he was looking at her like that in the first place.

But, as embarrassing as it was, Bella didn’t care what her features looked like, she cared about his. Even the moment she’d allowed herself to study his face before she had turned away and nodded in agreement wasn’t enough for her. Not nearly. It didn’t matter to her that he was eternally frozen exactly as he sat, that his face would never age, would never change with the exception of the color of his eyes. She had been without his god like beauty for too long to let it go unappreciated, too long to not want to study every facet and angle of his face to be sure she hadn’t forgotten even the tiniest feature. She had tried her hardest to block his image from her thoughts in his absence, not because she didn’t wanted to remember, and certainly not because she wouldn’t have given absolutely anything to see him, but because it was too painful, the reminder of what she had lost. Even still, she hadn’t been entirely successful, and those times when his face had broken through the wall she had built in an attempt to keep him out were enough to keep his perfect face fresh in her mind. Now though, with him so close, she realized how far off her dreams had been.

And if her memory of his appearance had been off, then certainly his voice had been distorted by her mind as well. His words didn’t sink in right away, she was too caught up in the musical sound of his voice to hear what he was suggesting, and his tone was so different from what she had been hearing occasionally in her head. It wasn’t the furious scolding she had continually broken her promises to hear, had been reckless and stupid, putting herself in dangerous situations for the few short moments, seconds, of relief from the pain that came from hearing his words, the sentiments she could often convince herself meant that somewhere, surely he had to still care for her safety, at the very least. His voice was warmer now, the perfect velvet she so desperately loved, but without the anger, and Bella had to resist closing her eyes to simply revel in it.

That was a feeling that was short lived though, when she finally gave thought to his actual words. In spite of her previous efforts not to turn her head to look back at him, she couldn’t help it now, her eyes shifting from the front of the room over to his direction before she could even consider what she was doing, her eyebrows pulled together with a bit of confusion, a flash of panic and rejection clouding her eyes. Was he already changing his mind? Maybe he had never expected her to be pathetic enough to say yes in the first place, and now that she had, he had to find some way of letting her down again, of reminding her that she wasn’t good enough for him, wasn’t good for him at all. It was a thought she had repeated continuously since that afternoon when he’d left her in the forest. No amount of wishing not to think about it had helped in keeping that thought from invading her mind, and still, her heart nearly broke into a sprint as the new wave of hurt rushed through her. How could she be so stupid? Him being back doesn’t mean anything, wasn’t that what she had just been reminding herself? It was too easy, too painfully easy, to let herself forget.

And of course, as always, Edward was being a gentleman about it. He would never purposefully humiliate her in front of the class, he knew how much she hated the attention that would surely bring, and some small part of her still had to believe that he wouldn’t want something like that to happen to her. But giving her the option to refuse did nothing to change her mind. She had too many questions she wanted answered, not that she really thought the classroom would be the best place to discuss things, and honestly she wasn’t sure she’d even be able to question him even if they had been alone. But it was more than that, it was her own selfish desires that kept her from accepting the opportunity to choose a different partner. She wanted to sit beside him, to speak with him, no matter what was said, to see him and be with him while she could. Bella knew she shouldn’t, she knew that she should allow him to work alone or with anyone who wasn’t her, but she simply couldn’t force herself to agree to his suggestion. Even hearing him refer to himself as selfish only made her feel more so herself, worse about what she was about to do, because if anything, he was being selfless with his offer, but still, after a moment of looking at him she replied, her tone hushed but entirely stubborn, “No, I want to.”

Their teacher attempted to regain control of the class then, or gave up completely, depending on how you viewed the situation, nearly shouting over the chatter to tell the students to find tables or pull desks together and begin working on the assignment. The table in the back of the room seemed like the most logical place for them to sit, if she was going to be working with Edward, and so Bella picked up her things a bit hastily, still a bit shaken by his reappearance at school but doing her absolute best to feign calm and collected. She couldn’t possibly lose it or break down now, not in front of the class and especially not in front of Edward.

Ignoring the glances of her peers, Bella slid into one of the empty chairs in the back corner of the room, setting her books down on the table in front of her, biting at her bottom lip a bit anxiously, her mind not at all focused on the book they were supposed to be discussing, but on the possibilities before her.

Only two options really presented themselves to Bella in that moment. One being that Edward was back, and would be remaining in Forks with his family for good. This was their home, and had been before Bella had moved there to live with Charlie. The Cullens had every right to wish to move back and for a brief moment, guilt overwhelmed her thoughts for having forced them to leave in the first place. It would be impossible though, excruciatingly painful, to see Edward each day, to attend classes with him, to watch him across the parking lot conversing with Alice, to be so close, knowing she would never feel more far away from him and his world. But in comparison, that almost seemed like the easy option. The second was, of course, that he would be leaving again, tomorrow, the day after, a month from now, a year… it didn’t matter when because Bella knew, even though he still didn’t want her, even though nothing good would come of his return for her, if he left again, she wouldn’t survive. As hard as living had been before in his absence, watching him walk away from her a second time would be entirely unbearable, and her already fragile, broken heart would surely shatter beyond recognition

Her best attempt at being patient couldn’t last very long, those thoughts plaguing her mind too completely to allow for even a moment of actual calm, and before she could stop herself, Bella was looking over at Edward again, a mixture of emotion written across her face. “You’re back,” she said, a combination of simply stating the obvious and hesitantly asking as a question, her heart and mind both keeping a quick pace in preparation for whatever his reply may be.

[EDWARD CULLEN]

When it came to consuming novels and literature of all sorts Edward was second only to Carlisle in the Cullen household, after all there isn’t much to do when you have all the time in the world and no one to truly spend it with. Of course his family included him in as many ways they could, baseball games, chess matches and everything else in between, but there were aspects of their existence which he preferred to never have to know about. With his abilities that wish was impossible, though he tried to block it out as much as he could, especially where Rose and Emmett were concerned and often that meant reading the extensive library which Carlisle had collected. The book which the class was to read had been one Edward had read several times now and so felt no need to go over once again. This made the teacher’s lecture, which went into excruciating detail about the project and timeline despite the fact that half of the class weren’t even truly listening, even more obsolete. Though not entirely horrendous, the woman’s voice was a little nasally and annoying to the male who’d since zoned the woman out to listen to the one most cherished melody in his entire world, Bella’s beating heart. In the moment which he allowed himself to truly revel in the sound his thoughts turned to memories of the past, particularly of the moments in the meadow when he simply sat with his ear pressed to her chest for god knows how long. How he so longed to do that now... but of course he could not, and it was that knowledge which, no matter how many times he’d acknowledged it over the past several months, continued to tear at him.

His own recollection remained crystal clear, and it had often shown him Bella whilst he was sitting in some dark alley or isolated room, but as perfect as his memories were, there were simply things which they could not recreate. Small things, but nevertheless treasured, such as the way Bella’s blush never failed to heat up the surrounding air by half a degree as it was doing now. The corners of his lips twitched upward as he watched the blush spread a beautiful red across his beloved’s features, though he was forced to clasp his hands together to keep from reaching out and stroking her delicate cheekbone. Oh, what he wouldn’t give for that one allowance! No, no. There was no way he could touch her once and stop there. Shaking his head slightly he shifted his gaze briefly to look towards the teacher, before his gaze returned to catch the flash of panic and rejection in Bella’s warm brown eyes. That immediately sent a wave of guilt and pain coursing through him, and yet to his utter shame there was a sick sense of joy because she didn’t take his offer to find a new partner. Of course, feeling anything at all good about this led Edward to feel an entirely different sick sensation in the pit of his stomach, directed towards himself. How could he even allow the thought of being happy if it related to hurting Bella in any way? Truly, he was a monster. Now, however, was not the time to dwell upon that. “I was hoping you would say that.” he confessed, with a slight smile. As if he could ever want to be near anyone else when he had the opportunity to be close to her.

The class was starting to scramble to claim their partners lest they got stuck with an assigned partner because all of the good ones were snatched up, and thankfully the majority of their thoughts now centered on themselves and where to push their desks. Unfortunately, Jessica Stanley’s thought process centered on situating herself and her partner close enough to be able to eavesdrop on his and Bella’s conversation, and so as he passed her on his way to the back of the room Edward flashed the girl a smile which bared his teeth in a subtlety threatening manner. Her wild speculations, based upon poorly scripted television shows and films, were never appreciated, but right now they were almost intolerable. If she so much as strained her ear too much in their direction, so helped him he would make sure she would never be able to hear again...well, maybe not but there would be some small amount of repercussions. She had to eventually learn to keep her nose out of other people’s business. Even if he did happen to be more of a monster than a person.

It felt wrong to be unable to carry Bella’s items for her as he gracefully navigated through the sea of moving faux-wood desks and frail human bodies to his seat. At the very least he should have asked her if she would have liked to carry her items, even if she didn’t want him touching her things, it was ungentlemanly otherwise. Sadly, there wasn’t much he could do about that now, and so the vampire simply slid into his seat. For pretenses only he opened the novel to a random page and paced it in front of him. If the teacher was to look their way it would be best if it at least looked like they were attempting to do the work she was assigning, it would save an unnecessary interruption. There wasn’t anything to interrupt at the moment as neither of the two were speaking yet. Edward didn’t quite trust himself to start talking first, fearing that he would simply end up spilling everything and end up groveling for forgiveness right there in the middle of the class. He’d do it too, on his knees if he must, if she wanted him to, but what right did he even have to ask that of her? Surely he had none. The very fact that he had been given any sort of chance in the first place was still a mystery, albeit one he would forever cherish so long as he existed.

“Yes.” He replied slowly, to allow himself as much time to formulate an answer as possible. Staying on topic was absolutely necessary, or else he would risk saying things he didn’t mean to. That had always been the case with them, and it had a lot to do with the fact that she was just always so intuitive despite his pretenses...and because he could never refuse her anything she truly wanted. “Given the situation we thought it would be best to make sure you were safe.” And most importantly to stay safe. If anything happened to her...no that wasn’t a good way to think. She wouldn’t get hurt, he wasn’t going to allow it. “We’re planning to stay for some time to make sure nothing happens to you.” Including popping her wheel and getting stuck by the middle of the road at night, not that he was going to tell her that at the moment. ‘Oh hey, I’ve been stalking you for a week now. I hope you don’t mind’ was not an icebreaker he ever wanted to use. “Alice doesn’t foresee the war ending any time soon.” In truth, a part of him, and it was a part he didn’t want to acknowledge but was nevertheless buried deep within him, never wanted the war to end just so he would always have an excuse to be around.

Of course his family weren’t the only ones looking out for Bella’s well-being, but while they might have sorted out an agreement with the mongrels Edward certainly didn’t trust them to be able to properly protect his danger magnet. They were all just pups, despite their wealth of ancestral knowledge none of them had any real experience fighting mature vampires and if it came down to a one on one brawl Edward didn’t see any of the pups succeeding. Although his opinion was biased, he was certain that if Jasper wanted to, his brother could easily take more than one down without assistance. It didn’t help bias any that he was under the impression that Bella was seeing one of the mongrels, what other reason would there be for her to spend so much time in La Push? And that assumption burnt worse than any kind of physical pain he could be subjected to. Sure, he had wanted her to move on with her life, and it would have pained him to see her in anyone else’s arms but did it have to be a dog’s? Volatile creatures with violent tempers? And yet there was a small part of him which realized that perhaps even a mongrel was better than him, anything was. She wouldn’t have to give up her life or family to be with the dog. Her soul. And wasn’t that the most important part? That she be able to take her place with all of the other perfect beings when everything was over?

If nothing else, that was at least what Edward was trying to convince himself.

[ISABELLA SWAN]

Bella was simply quiet for a moment, allowing all this new information time to settle into her mind, to begin to process what it meant for now and for the future, attempting to analyze the situation despite the heavy fog of emotions that clouded her thoughts. Her first inclination, as it so often was, was to give in to hope. For a moment, she was glad, and selfishly so, that they had come back, and for her sake. His family had been able to convince him to return to Forks for her benefit, to help monitor her safety and to ensure she was kept out of harm’s way. For all Bella knew he had done so reluctantly, dragging his feet or practically kicking and screaming in protest. Or perhaps he had relented after a great deal of wallowing and over thinking every tiny detail, a much more Edward like reaction, similar in many ways to how he acted when he had been thinking through the decision to leave in the first place, the horribly quiet and uncomfortable days that led up to him leaving her in the woods near her home, presumably for good. Bella shook her head a bit, as if that would help to wipe that memory from her mind. It wasn’t one she liked to relive, and certainly dwelling on it now was entirely useless because he had come back, and even if it hadn’t been his idea, if his family had to persuade him somehow, even if he didn’t really want to be there, some part of him must still care for her. Bella knew the part would probably be miniscule, barely a fraction of how much she still absolutely and truly cared for, loved him, but he wanted her to be safe. Some part of her heart that had been aching desperately, hoping in what she believed to be vain optimism that he could ever even worry about her and her well-being still, after everything, seemed to suffer less by the slightest degree.

But Bella had heard what Edward was saying, and he was not promising that they were back for good, and that’s why despite the hope swelling in her chest, the ache in the same area, right around her heart, didn’t cease entirely. Who knew how long “some time” would amount to, but regardless, Bella knew with absolute certainly that unless it was forever, it wouldn’t be enough for her. Biting at her bottom lip, it took every ounce of restraint she possessed not to let the thoughts running through her mind fall from her mouth, her assurances that she would rather let an army of vampires tear her apart limb from limb while their poisonous venom burned through her veins than to ever see him walk out of her life again, to turn and leave her behind without hesitation.

“You shouldn’t have,” she finally spoke up, the words harsh against her tongue and her mouth was suddenly dry, as though her body was trying to keep her from speaking them. It felt like terrible blasphemy, because as wholly selfish as it was, how could she ever possibly not want him there with her? But it wasn’t just about them. Bella knew, even from the outside, just how drastic and dire the situation, the war Edward was referring to was becoming, and even before the Cullens return, she already had too many people she cared for involved in the battle of supernatural beings. “Your family…you shouldn’t inconvenience yourselves, not for me. If anything happened…Alice, Esme…” The words seemed to burn as she spoke them, her mind pushing her to stop speaking as her heart begged for her to continue, Edward’s name surely belonging on the list with the rest of his family, the list of people Bella was concerned about, something that could probably be seen in her eyes as she looked back at him. If anything happened to any of them, especially now that she knew they had come back to protect her, she would never be able to live with herself, not with the guilt it would cause to root itself in her very soul. And if it was Edward that anything happened to... she had been barely managing as it was, holding firmly to the reassurance that somewhere he existed, that his life would continue even without her, but without that knowledge to cling to, Bella wasn’t sure what would become of her, what the outcome would be if she no longer had even that simple anchor to keep her grounded, but she knew she didn’t ever want to find out. It was impossible, and more than excruciatingly painful, to consider a world where Edward, with his kind, good soul and his love, even if it hadn’t been meant for her, didn’t exist.

Bella turned away, her cheeks flushing a light pink, both from embarrassment and frustration. She could feel the heavy emotions creeping up on her, and knew she couldn’t trust her voice to say anything else without breaking, betraying the collected exterior she was attempting to uphold in his returned presence. There was so much more to say, a million questions that raced through her mind at that moment. Surely if he could have read her thoughts they’d be screaming out for him to hear, begging to be answered. But he couldn’t, and so the silence, broken only by the classmates around them, gossiping still, only instead of under their breath, now in an attempt to be inconspicuous they disguised their chatter as discussion of the books set out before them. Bella caught Lauren’s curious gaze for a split second before she looked down at her own empty desk, reminded that the classroom was not the time or the place to discuss things like mythical wars and creatures of the night.

To look as though she was participating in class too, and to hopefully avoid being called out by the teacher for not working on the assignment, even if no one else in the class seemed to be, Bella reached forward, grabbing her copy of the book they were reading off the top of her pile of class supplies, hastily pulling apart the pages. It wasn’t usual for her to treat a book this way. To Bella, literature was something to be revered, pages to be turned gently, with appreciation for their words and respect for the thin paper they were printed on, but almost roughly handling the small book was the only outlet for her frustration that Bella currently had, seeing as how she refused to be pathetic enough to break down in front of the entire class, in front of Edward. Perhaps she should have been more careful, because her natural penchant for disaster and her rush to find the page she needed to answer the first question most accurately couldn’t combine to provide any sort of good outcome.

Bella felt the sting before she had even realized what happened, instinctively letting out a bit of a soft gasp as a page broke the skin of her finger, with an almost sharp slice. Her first reaction was to hold up her tiny wound to inspect the damage, her stomach already giving an uneasy lurch at the idea that she may be bleeding, but the thought of blood immediately changed her mind and Bella curled her fingers into her palm, making a tight fist, as though that would keep any blood from escaping her finger, and help to diminish the sting, a pang of déjà vu rivaling the nausea in the pit of her stomach. Of course, she couldn’t help but glance over at Edward beside her, regretful now, and feeling entirely guilty for her rash actions. If she was bleeding, the pain it would cause him would be no one’s fault but her own, and that thought was entirely unacceptable. Her goal had been to keep from making this any harder on him than necessary, certainly bleeding was not the way to go about that.

[EDWARD CULLEN]

[About time...]

As always, there was an empty void right next to him where thoughts would typically be streaming loudly from if the seat had been occupied by anyone else but the sweet brunette currently there. If it were possible for a vampire to receive a headache than surely his intense focus would be the causing factor. As it were, the only thing Edward seemed to be stirring up was the old feelings of frustration he’d gone through in the first several weeks he’d met Bella when she was nothing but a walking mystery to him. Silent as the grave...grave was a poor choice of words. He never wanted to associate Bella with such things. Ever. The corners of his mouth tugged downward, and he directed his gaze to bore into the fake wooden patterns of the desk as though there was some hidden secret within the black ink. Annoyingly enough, the fake knots and lines were occasionally interrupted by a doodle some bored student had attempted to draw to pass the time. It didn’t interest him. None of it did. School was just an act for the public that the family subjected themselves to in order to fit in, well...attempt to fit in. They never truly did. People were always instinctually wary of them whether they consciously knew it or not. He knew though. It was always the same. The raised hairs on the arms and necks whenever he was near were dead giveaways. Their pupils dilated just a fraction of a millimeter more than usual was just the cherry on top. Everyone had the same reaction no matter who they were or how old.

Almost everyone.

Bella was the one exception to the rule, as she often was, although he didn’t know why. Sure, she was far too reckless for her own good but a person’s natural survival instinct wasn’t something that could be overridden easily. If there was anything he knew it was how difficult it could be to fight your own nature. His own choice was a conscious one. Bella’d never had the reaction that she should’ve. It was only during times when someone else was in danger did she ever have a ‘proper’ reaction, and that was one of the countless reasons he worried about the war. The ability to put others before yourself was a desirable, no doubt it was one that few people had. The trait was admirable...but when you're attempting to protect said person? It can prove to be quite annoying. It was in her nature to attempt to sacrifice herself if need be, and that was the last thing Edward wanted, and so when she finally spoke again her words weren’t a surprise. Nevertheless, whether he’d expected such a response or not, those three words made his heart sink. “Of course we should.” The reply rushed out of his mouth in protest the second his brain processed her objection.

He turned to look at her, brows furrowing deeply. Inconvenience? Hah! If it weren’t for them she never would have entered the vampire world, or the werewolve's. In fact, Bella would have likely taken her mother’s offer to live in the much sunnier town of Jacksonville were it not for him... she would be far, far away from the conflict here. Safe. Maybe even tan...okay, maybe not, but the sudden realization, as it often did, brought feelings of self disgust to the forefront of the torrential storm which was the state of his emotions, and he wondered briefly if the subject of his thoughts could see it in his physical appearance. She always had the uncanny ability to catch onto his moods and thoughts to the point where he had previously wondered if she wasn’t the one with the mind reading abilities. “You haven’t changed a bit.” Edward spoke softly, offering the tiniest form of a smile to hopefully alleviate the far too serious mood (at least in the classroom), even as he shook his head in objection to Bella’s words. “You are not an inconvenience. If anything, it is the other way around.” To be fair, a part of him was thrilled that she hadn’t changed, even if in this case a better sense of self-worth and survival would be a good thing, the fact of the matter remained that, despite the months, she was still the very same girl he loved above all else.

His gaze lingered on her until she turned away, causing him to push the selfish thrill which had just shot through him to the side. This wasn’t the time or place, especially when there were so many curious minds still on them, despite the fact that they were obviously unwelcome attention. Bending over his paper, Edward let a few lines of text appear on the paper for show. Honestly, he was still watching Bella from the corner of his eyes as he 'worked', and his ears were trained on no one but her. The vampire knew all too well that the manner in which she was treating her book was uncommon for her. Vampire keen senses weren’t necessary to tell that she was frustrated, and why shouldn’t she be? Despite the intense distraught the very thought caused to ripple through his heart, after every thing he’d done, Bella had a right to hate him. If she wanted to scream at him, he would give her the opportunity. Actually, if he was in her position he would want to do more than just scream. At least, he assumed he would. You never truly know what you’ll do in a certain situation until you’ve actually been put through it. People, and creatures, claim certain actions yet when faced with reality they often did the exact opposite. Of course, Bella would break her fist if she were to hit him, not that he could imagine her doing such a thing in the first place, but that would be an undesirable result for both of them.

As his eyes slowly moved across the room, Edward’s mind turned to finding an excuse to get out of the room with Bella in tow. Little did he know, the excuse would come from the brunette herself. Inhaling an unnecessary deep breath to alleviate the storm of emotions churning away at the center of his stomach, he was, instead, suddenly reminded why that very action wasn’t such a grand idea when his throat immediately went from a small fire to a blaze just as a gasp came from the seat next to him. As though it was a reflex he’d been born with, his muscles contracted for a moment. Displeasure coursed through his vanes as though someone had managed to inject with a syringe, disgusted not by anything Bella was doing, but simply at the strong reaction his one simple action had brought on. A paper cut and this was how he reacted? Sure, it was infinitely better than the last time she gave herself a papercut (for a girl who read so much, paper wasn’t really her friend was it?), but how desensitized to her scent he’d become! Without a sound Edward went from his statuesque state to fluidly allowing his legs to carry him to the front of the classroom.

The fire clawed at his throat as he wove his way to the teacher’s desk, so he kept his hands in his pockets. It was rude, but the level of trust he placed in himself, particularly within the last several months, was almost shamefully low. Almost. There was more shame to be had by overestimating yourself and failing tragically. That was a lesson he knew all too well. Of course, a vampire’s mind was made to multitask, which in Edward’s case he used those abilities to juggle both self-destructive thoughts and Bella. Now was no exception. At the moment he concerned himself with bewildering her by his sudden vacant seat, but he assumed she wouldn’t approve of his drawing the instructor’s attention to her injury. The teacher, too, seemed surprised to see him, but that was to be expected. He rarely spoke in class and was equally rarely called on. It was the same with the rest of the family. It didn’t take long for Edward to convince the room’s authority figure to allow him to escort Bella to the nurse, a feat he accomplished by, what Bella once dubbed ‘dazzling’. At the time, her choice of words had endlessly amused him, and now as his brain unconsciously threw those memories up, he found that they still did. Only she would find a word so...silly to describe a vampire’s tools.

The trip back took no longer than the trip to the front, yet it seemed an eternity went by before he found himself standing by Bella’s desk. “I just explained to our teacher that you cut your hand. Let me take you to the nurse, please.” There was a little bit of an emphasis on please, but Edward didn’t actually wait for an answer before gently wrapped a hand around Bella’s forearm, hoping she’d wouldn’t protest, and instead act far more injured than she actually was. He wouldn’t force her to get up from her seat if she didn’t want to, but he hoped she would. They had to speak alone, and his patience was...well he didn’t seem to have any at the moment. His family would most likely claim he never possessed much to begin with, unless Bella was concerned. For her, he could slow down. For her, he would do anything and regardless of what happened in the next minute, as of right now his hand was on her and oh how he’d missed this. All of it. How soft she felt, how warm her skin was even through all the clothes, but most of all how warm the simple touch could make him feel.

[ISABELLA SWAN]

In that moment, there was nearly nothing more that Bella wanted to do then to smooth away the deep line that formed between Edward’s eyes as he looked back at her, to soothe away all the worry and tension from his expression, that she could sense almost more than she could see. That obviously wasn’t possible though, not with an entire class sneaking glances at them in the back, and because why would he even want her to reach out and touch him? She wasn’t good enough for him, she continued to remind herself, despite the little start her heart gave at his attempted smile, even if it was merely a ghost of how brilliant she had once known it to be. And while every muscle in her mouth wanted to move to return the gesture, memory kicking in and almost taking over, she couldn’t smile at the idea that she was still the same. Because she wasn’t. She didn’t feel the same, at any rate. She wasn’t the girl who so happily spent hours in a meadow with her boyfriend, who thrilled with every kiss and blushed with every compliment. Sure, that girl was still there, somewhere, but she had been long broken. The beautiful boy beside her had taken so much of her with him when he’d left her behind, surely at least half her heart, that she couldn’t possibly be the same with such an enormous rip in her chest.

Desperately though, she was trying, working her way back to some semblance of Bella, wishing to not be some zombie simply living in her skin. It was harder then she imagined in some ways, to be and be happy, and easier in others. Sometimes, namely whenever Jacob was around, it seemed all too natural to smile or laugh, surely a sign of his positive effect on her. In a dull world, a dark world, her best friend, her sun was her only sure source of light anymore. And yet now, sitting beside Edward, she could feel the electric humming, the energy that sparked between her body and his, and while her heart continued to pound somewhat irregularly in her chest at the idea of his return, for the first time in a long time each beat didn’t seem to take as much effort. The half that still resided in her chest seemed to know that he was near, that its missing pieces held in his hands were close enough to finally be tenderly joined back into place, if only he would be so willing, a hope that was more foolish than anything. It wasn’t the same as it had been before Edward had gone, but since his departure, each breath had seemed like a test, a true task worthy of extreme efforts, but with him beside her again, her lungs burned that much less. He may not want her still, though he didn’t love her or need her as she still needed him, his mere presence could ease her strain in a way that almost nothing else she could find had been able to. She felt closer to being herself, being whole, despite the unknown, than she had since she’d be left to herself.

The words he had spoken to her in the woods all those months ago still rang too loudly in her mind for her to believe his objection to her idea of being an inconvenience. If anything, she was worse for him now then she had been before, and even then he had finally realized what Bella had known all along. That he could do much better, that someone like him didn’t need to be with someone like her. She wasn’t good for him, and she never would be, especially not as a frail, weak, stupid human. Bella couldn’t understand though, why he would place the blame on himself. He so often had in the past that it wasn’t entirely a surprise to hear him mutter the words, but still, what could he possibly be responsible for, when he and his family were back, risking themselves all for her sake and safety? The idea that the Cullens, Edward especially, were anything less than too generous and selfless toward her was too ridiculous to even fully acknowledge.

The already tattered copy of the assigned book in her hands took the brunt of her frustrations, and before Bella could even turn to look at Edward beside her, a small gasp escaping her lips in surprise and at the sting of another unfortunately timed paper cut, she could feel him tense beside her. Guilt coursed through her immediately, flooding her veins with remorse for her thoughtless actions, and her heart dropped even further when he rose from his seat and started away from the desks they had been sitting at together. Bella watched, eyes trained solely on Edward before her, and she couldn’t stop her pulse from breaking out in a bit of a sprint, an edge of panic settling in with the surprise at his sudden departure from beside her. So many things were uncertain to her at the moment, her mind a blur of questions with extremely few answers, of worries and fears and memories, both good and bad, that she was sure if Edward could hear her thoughts (and she was still certainly glad that he couldn’t), the result would have been no more understanding, but a raging headache, if such a thing were possible. She didn’t know what to expect of him anymore, not after he had proved her right, and her wildest nightmares had become reality.

But he turned back to return to her. And when he turned back, Bella couldn’t take her eyes off him. She felt again as if she was in a dream, staring at the god walking passed the desks and wide eyes of their fellow classmates. Maybe she was just in shock, and certainly her expression betrayed her mostly calm exterior, her lips parted just slightly still from her surprise. It was as though she could do nothing but watch, her mind and heart buzzing the closer he moved toward her, and then as if his being there hadn’t been enough to completely disrupt her regular beat, everything seemed to come into a much more vibrant focus the moment he reached out to gently touch her arm, a chill traveling up her spine at their contact. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling at all, although certainly she was more used to warm hands these days, she had missed the unmistakable ice of a vampire, which in her mind would always be equated to her Edward… even if now she couldn’t really consider him as such. The muscle in her chest ached more violently for a moment at the reminder, but the feel of his touch, even through her clothing, soothed the pain almost immediately. Meeting his eyes again, she simply nodded, too unsure of her voice or her words to say anything in agreement.

Bella hated appearing weak, and what was this a show of, if not how very fragile she was? She didn’t want to be a burden on Edward any longer, on anyone at all, but a much larger part of her mind was focused on the idea of being alone with him, even for just a few moments. She knew logically that it may be her only chance, and there was no way Bella’s heart or mind was going to let it slip through her fingers.

For the first time since the sting of paper breaking her skin, Bella realized that she still held her book in her uninjured hand, her other in a tight fist atop her desk. Moving slowly, still unsure if she was bleeding, and while Edward seemed to have a firm grasp on his control, Bella didn’t want to be the cause of any greater temptation, she set the offending book carefully onto the desk, rising from her seat. Pausing for a moment, she prepared herself mentally for what she was about to do, for the onslaught of pain she surely was about to assign herself at the loss of their contact, and then she withdrew her arm from his grasp, not out of anger and certainly not because she didn’t want to be connected to him, nothing could be further from the truth. Instead, it was merely for show, which she hoped he could understand when she brought the arm she had freed from his clutch to grasp her other, using it to hold her injured limb against her chest. Bella was a terrible liar, and a despicable actor to go along with that, but she had learned a few things over time. Still though, she couldn’t keep from continuing to glance over at him, for periods of time longer than could really even be considered a glance, as they walked from the classroom, wishing instead that he could be holding her hand as he escorted her to the nurse’s office, or wherever it was they were actually heading.