Mana Frost, Ice Princess

[EnergyFlux2012]

Name: Mana Frost; 'Mana'

Alliance: Lawful neutral

Attributes

Age: ~few hundred years (looks early teens)

Occupation: Elemental Guardian/hermit

Location of Residence: Stromgarde

Gender: Female

Height: 4'02"

Weight: 72 lbs

Species/Race: Ice Elemental

Eyes: Sky blue

Hair color: Snow white.

Appearance: Purple gown fitted with brass bracers for her wrists, ankles, and a brass belt. Wears no footwear. Dress is cut off near her shoulders, roman-style, with a brass insignia of ice fixated onto the fold of the dress. Her eyes are pupil-less at all times. Resembles a young girl with white hair.

Personality: Being a token bookworm, Mana is an aloof individual spending most of her time by herself. Although she does talk to others, she shares in Pyrograntus' dislike for confrontation and prefers to build upon peaceful mannerisms. Mana is mildly stoic at times, expressing little emotion, but willing to go the extra mile to physically show it.

Interests: Ice, books, peace and quiet, nighttime

Abilities:

Ice adept - Capable of distorting the properties of water into a more destruction light, allowing the formation of icicle spears, armor, or even walls and structures. This also allows Mana to absorb any water or ice based attacks thrown at her.

Temperature manipulation - Allows Mana to control the weather of the local environment. In most cases, it will become colder and blizzard-like; which strengthens Mana and her spells.

Power Class: B+

History:

Not all Elementals were part of the main army that invaded Atlas. Some arrived discretely several years before to enjoy the evolved and pure culture of Atlas. Mana had such ambitions, feeding off the abundant ether while engaging in much cultural exposure. During the war, Mana saw the horrors of conflict that results between her own people and the Atlasians. Not wanting to get involved, Mana withdrew to snowy mountains where she waited in solitude for many decades. When the war was over, Mana migrated to Stromgarde, clearly disgusted by the fruits of the war. She currently lives among the outcasts from the war, periodically building upon her knowledge from the various ancient texts she had collected since her arrival while making new allies.

[SOS Mage]

... And here comes my favorite part... Or not... The critique.

Hmmm, not a bad character idea, though the history seems to be a bit vague (and less than half of it directly is about Mana unfortunately).

That also can't let me say much on the alignment, though chaotic neutral would mean she wouldn't be guarding her element now, would she? If anything, she may most likely be Lawful Neutral since she is kind of a nature authority type character, but also doesn't care as much for good and evil as much as simply protecting her element.

It seems you are at least getting the height concept down right, though 112 lbs is way too heavy for someone who is about 127 cm tall. May want to go for a weight average of 60 to 75 (varying on her figure of course). Unless she was supposively extremely dense to represent ice, the weight is nearly twice that of what her BMI should be.

Just like the History, but even more so than it, the Abilities and Personality section is too vague. The description written down only gives me a preview to the character rather than actually describe those aspects of her to me. May want to go for a detailed description that is at least a paragraph or two so people can get an idea of those aspects of her.

Finally, the stats and grading parts of her profile seems to be rather irrelevent to her actual profile, especially since those aspects are specialized within the canon and people would have no idea what these stats/grades mean without source material to be included with it. May want to drop it since well... This is why we have thos sub-forum for exactly: http://z4.invisionfree.com/roleplay_world/...p?showforum=163

So far that is what I have for the profile. Good concept, but the lack of detail kinda leaves me in the water. *no pun intended*

[EnergyFlux2012]

Did some revision. The abilities section is fine as it is though.

[SOS Mage]

It seems so at first, but there is little detail to hwo they actually function and their specialized traits since well... I am pretty sure there are more than one who can do those abilities and with that mentioned, Mana's powers obviously has some uniqueness to others who can wield those powers.

Also she is still has near double the weight of her recommended weight for her height. >.>

[EnergyFlux2012]

Fixed