From the makers of The Good Wife Guide: Revised
, comes to you the following lecture. Sluts: A User Guide
By Dr. NeoFormally “Sluts Demystified” Preface
Sluts. We’ve all met one. Many of us have banged one. Through the years, Sluts have earned the title of being called Easy through countless years and encounters of hopping into the sack of any random creature with a cock. Yes, sluts will fuck anything that moves, however, the Slut is not the easy creature that many have grown to think.
Sluts are complicated people, fickle people. One must be careful when approaching a slut.
But don’t despair! If you follow this simple guide, you too can bang a slut with little or no error or agony. Knowledge is power, even when it comes to dumb sluts.
Dr. Neo is one of the world’s most acclaimed slut fuckers. Over the years, he has gathered knowledge and evidence in order to create a simple “How To” guide to sluts. He will not tell you how to get it up, how to stick it in, or even how to be charismatic enough to bag a Slut, but he will share with you very simple tips and tricks to avoid a Slut Blowout, and not the good kind.
The following lecture is presented by Dr. Neo.Opening Statements
Sluts are fucking bitchy and difficult and change their minds constantly. It takes work to coerce slut after slut. If you have a partner you can go on a date and butter them up. It is hard to butter up a slut at a party. The problem is they have a choice of who to fuck.Spotting Your Slut
It’s Occam’s razor. If it looks like a slut and acts like a slut and quacks like a slut, it's a slut.Slutting: The Basics
“Let's say you see a slut and this is one fine slut, and nobody is talking to this slut. So you approach the slut and begin your mating dance.
Now the slut has a choice and this is really a matter of self-esteem. If the slut thinks she can bag someone better, she will reject you. If not, you are in, more or less.
Now, I say more or less, because with sluts there is no such thing as a made decision:Sluts: The Motives
The slut is a creature that operates solely on the instinct of procreation. Also, they may want to get back at their father
There is no such thing as a made decision with a slut because a slut is a fickle thing.
Let's say that you do, in fact, bag a slut using your "game", this is where the hard part begins because now you have to protect your chosen slut from the wilderness of horny college co-eds.
Make no mistake about it, they will attack and, somewhat unfortunately, the slut has eyes. So the slut may leave you on your way out because they believe that they have spotted someone better and thusly, move on.
This, however, is easily neutralized through excessive alcohol doses and general covering of the aforementioned slut's eyes.
Are you following, so far?The Lay: To Bang or Not To Bang
Good, because this is where it gets tricky
Let's say you have succeeded in bringing your chosen slut back to your dorm/home/upstairs bedroom of wherever the party is, and let's say that you are in mid-coitus (1)
Allk, so you're mid-coitus and suddenly the slut changes her mind, and you wouldn't fucking believe how many times this happens. Now, you have a decision to make:
Do you keep going?
Do you pull out like a gentlemen and send the slut on her way? (2)
Now, if you choose the former option, you may have just committed rape. The law isn't crystal clear about this; it is mostly a gray area charge that you could easily fight in court. However, this is mostly a moot point because the slut will be too drunk to remember it the next morning.
But if they do say no, always verify whether they are joking or not. Do this simply by thrusting 2-3 more time. If they shut the fuck up, it’s all clear.
This brings me to the most awkward part of the one-night-slut-stand...which is actually the name of a sexual position…Slutting and the Morning After
This is the morning.
The morning is awful for two reasons.
Number 1: the slut may not be as attractive as you originally thought, or as old/young.
Number 2: the morning-after conversation
Because sluts are social creatures and will want to dispel the awkwardness with unbelievably shallow chatter. This, however, simply serves to make things more awkward and annoying.
The remedy to this is also simple. Wait until the slut is asleep and get the fuck out of the room!
The one caveat to this remedy is if you brought the slut to your home, which is a common rookie mistake. If you did, indeed, bring your slut home, you will have to face the morning after. Be forewarned though, some sluts are insane and clingy and may not want to leave the premises. If this happens, you're kind of fucking stuck.
It's your own fault anyway
Anyway, the only people that can save you from the dreaded clingy slut now are your roommates who will have to act as insane, or more insane, than the aforementioned clingy slut. This, however, should come naturally to roommates who are familiar with the act of slutting.
Fortunately, the clingy slut's opinion of you will be forever damaged by this experience and she will never wish to see you again.Conclusion
By following this simple and straight forward guide, you too can successfully bang them sluts.
Just remember these simple facts:
- Sluts are slutty and will drop you the second they find someone hotter/bigger/manlier.
- Sluts are crazy and while they may be a good lay due to this fact, they also come with baggage.
- Sluts are mindless fuck toys who will bore you with empty chatter if you don’t escape soon enough.
- Sluts do not belong in your home.
We hope you enjoyed this informative lecture. Footnotes:
(1) BAG UP
ALWAYS BAG UP
SLUTS BE LYIN' ALL THE TIME
"oooh, i'm on birthcontrol, baby. just fuck me"
DON'T BELIEVE THOSE LYING SLUTS
(2) LIKE I SAID, SLUTS BE LYIN' ALL THE TIME
IT MAY BE A GAME